


Always With You

by LynnieSynn



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family Drama, Mint Eye, Pregnancy, RFA Party (Mystic Messenger), Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-02 22:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16795678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynnieSynn/pseuds/LynnieSynn
Summary: Having the child of Jumin Han was supposed to be easy, but nothing is ever as it should be.  Day by day, something else comes up that threatens the well-being of the child.  No amount of from Jumin and Zen can protect mother and child from V's and Seven's worst nightmares.COMPLETED





	1. Chapter 1

“Smile, babe!”

I looked up, water bottle still in my mouth, as Zen snapped the selfie. It was far from my most attractive photo. I liked the one Zen took last week better. Of course, the outfit I was wearing was much attractive in the last one, and I was prepared. Zen added a caption to the picture, “Only a few more weeks of rehearsals with @sweet.han.ey”, and posted it to his many social media pages. I shook my head as I swallowed my mouth full of water.

“You are going to piss off my husband with that,” I told him.

“Jumin is still not happy that I got you this job?” Zen asked.

I shook my head, “He thinks that I shouldn’t be seen with you like this. He fears the rumors starting. I mean, I get it, but this is more than just a job or a career for me. I love dancing. I have been doing it my whole life.”

“And you are good at it!” Zen declared. “Jumin can be so full of himself sometimes. Is he not thinking of you? You are a free spirit! You can’t be locked away in the house!”

“No, it isn’t like that,” I defended. “He finds what I do to be a bit promiscuous. He saw me working out the moves for the scene between Sang and Hana in the third act.”

“Ah, the bedroom tango,” Zen said, nodding. “You are a choreographer! You are writing a story with your body, and you are brilliant at it. The way your mind and body move so fluidly is such a beautiful talent! Does he not see that?”

I shrugged, “All he saw was that video of you and I practicing the routine so you could be ready for the actress.”

“That damn leaked footage!” Zen cursed as she wiped the sweat from his brow.

I sighed, “Exactly! While he wasn’t too keen with us working together in the first place, especially after how many strings you had to pull to get me this job, that footage and the rumors that started because of it has him shaken.”

“Has he used the word ‘cage’ since it was released?” Zen asked with a laugh.

I playfully shove him, “Dork.”

We sat next to each other on the floor of the studio. Zen and I were business partners. I had been a dancer my whole life. I was in school for dance when I met Jumin. Zen to hook me up with a big musical production job straight out of school, and I couldn’t be more thankful to him. There was no attraction between us, anymore. After we started working together, I was nothing more than a business associate to Zen. Jumin still didn’t trust it.

As my phone started to ring, I asked Zen if he could grab it for me. He was closer, and I was stretching my back. He reached for my bag and pulled it on to the floor. Everything scattered. I sighed. He pulled out my phone and handed it to me. The screen was lighting up and with big letters read “DADDY”.

I sighed bitterly, “This won’t end well.”

“Are you and your father arguing?” Zen asked before taking a drink of his water.

“Hello, Jumin,” I said as I answered the phone.

I screamed as Zen spit out his water on me. He coughed and hacked, beating his chest. He looked confused and angry at the same time. I shoved him roughly.

“Sorry, my love,” I apologized, knowing how much he hated loud noises on phone calls. “Is everything alright?”

“Come home, now,” he said sternly.

I raised a brow, “Is everything okay?”

“Does Zen understand that you are my wife, or that there are already rumors spreading that you two are having an affair behind my back?” Jumin asked.

I rolled my eyes, “My love, I promise, it is just practice and publicity. Zen is showing how hard we are working on making this show perfect, and he is using his fame to get me attention for other musical producers.”

Jumin didn’t sound amused as he replied, “We still need to talk. You’re going to be late for dinner. I love you, kitten.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” I said a smirk as Zen gagged a bit.

Jumin hung up the phone. I placed it down on my lap. I leaned my back against the cold mirror. I knew I had to follow his instructions. He wasn’t playing around tonight. He was in jealous mode. Last time this happened with Zen, the two of us didn’t speak for two days. It was the hardest two days of our married lives. Those two days felt longer than the two thousand days we have been married.

“Daddy?”

I looked at Zen, who still looked green, and replied, “I hang out with bad boys with a motorcycle fetish. I am a naughty, naughty girl who needs to be punished. Daddy makes sure to keep me in line. He buys me pretty toys and outfits. He bends me over his lap—”

“No,” he said as he held up something that fell out my purse. “Is he really going to be a daddy?”

“Zen,” I mumbled as I looked away, “those things are never accurate. I made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow. I don’t know. Whatever you do, please, don’t tell Jumin you saw that thing before he knew! He would kill us both!”

Zen reached over and pulled me into a hug, “I call godfather.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I doubt he will go for that, but I will voice it.”

Then, I started to cry. I held on tightly to Zen as I sobbed. This was the first time I was able to think about it. I didn’t know how I felt about the whole thing. Having a baby at this time could ruin my entire career! I didn’t know how Jumin was going to react. In the middle of this scandal with Zen, I knew the internet and journalists were going to turn into a massive amount of doubt. I couldn’t help but feel an extreme amount of anxiety.

Zen rubbed my back and whispered comforting words. He was a good friend to me. I knew how much Jumin hated it, but I couldn’t help who mattered in my life. Zen was a good person for me to be around. I was good for him to be around. After he got over his complex about wanting whatever Jumin had, we have been completely platonic. He was my rock in dealing with obnoxious paparazzi and fans. Zen and I were both performers. We were in touch with our emotions. We understood each other. 

Emotions were not the easiest for Jumin still. It was practically four years into our marriage. He was much better at expressing himself. Normally, it happened after sex. He released himself physically so he was able to relax mentally and spiritually. However, if we were bringing a child into this world, he couldn’t just express his feelings for them after nailing me into the floor! He would have to be emotionally available at all times.

“Zen,” I mumbled as I pulled away and wiped away my tears, “do you think we can do this?”

He laughed heartily before replying, “You gave a heart to the man of tin. Now, you are going to bring life into this world. Don’t worry so much, babe, because you were destined to play the greatest role in the world: Mom.”

Zen’s words stuck with me on the ride home. Of course, Jumin sent a car to pick me up. He never let me walk alone. I don’t blame him. After I had been picked up by a man while waiting outside a store for Jaehee, he never really thought it was a good idea for me. I’m not a fighter like Jaehee. I am easily taken off guard. When surprised, I become and armadillo and just curl up in a ball. Luciel often said that Yoosung might be able to beat me if we ever fought.

As I got home, I was greeted by Elizabeth at the door, but there was no sign of Jumin. I knelt down and picked her up. She rubbed her head against my chin. I had been gone for some time. I knew she missed me as much as I missed her. It was a long day. I walked to the bedroom. Jumin wasn’t there either. I sighed as I placed my purse and Elizabeth on the bed. I walked over to the closet and found a dress to change into for dinner after a shower.

Before showering, I decided to check the one place I knew Jumin had to be. I knocked on his office door thrice before entering. He looked up from his paperwork and smiled at me. I loved that look on his face. At first, he was angry about being disturbed, but once he saw it was me, all that melted away. He pushed out his chair a bit and patted his lap. I walked over to sit on his lap, but Elizabeth rushed past me and jumped up on his lap, curling up and purring contently. I laughed as I moved his papers neatly to the side and sat on the desktop.

“I missed you,” I told him.

“Did Zen make you cry?” he asked with a raised brow.

“Only when he couldn’t get the steps right for the second act’s fight scene,” I told him. “You should have seen him. He looked so awkward. He wasn’t a swan. He was a goose. A very dizzy goose!”

Jumin cracked a smile, “Why couldn’t footage like that be leaked?”

“Zen would dramatically have to kill himself because he was less than perfection,” I suggested.

Jumin’s face went serious again, “Kitten, why are you seeing the doctor tomorrow?”

I replied, like I practiced in the car on the ride home, “I have had some soreness in my legs. I wanted to see if he could stretch it out.”

“You’re lying,” Jumin said as he set his jaw. “You’re looking off to the side. I know you have been ill in the morning. I can smell the toothpaste on the breath when I wake up. It has been going on for the past couple days. Is there something wrong?”

I knew I had to tell him the truth. It was absolutely impossible to lie to Jumin Han. He was always observing you. He knew ever tell in the book that I had. I tried several times before to surprise him with romantic dates and such, all to be shot down by him knowing when I was lying just by a quiver in my voice. If I told him not to worry, he would just go into panic mode. No secrets could be kept in this relationship, not that I really wanted any.

“I took a pregnancy test this afternoon on the way to rehearsals,” I said.

Jumin’s face stayed unreadable, “Did it come back positive?”

“But that doesn’t mean it is right! I mean, I missed my period and I have been sick, but that could be from stress. The show is in two weeks! Those tests are only ninety-nine percent accurate…which is more accurate than the birth control I am on… I just wanted the doctor to make sure.”

Jumin just stared at me. Elizabeth meowed at us. There was such a tension. I didn’t know his expression any longer. It looked shocked and slightly upset, but I didn’t know. It could have been anything. I could feel the tears burning my eyes again. Stupid hormones…

“My love,” I mumbled through my tears, “please say something.”

He placed Elizabeth on the ground and stood up. He walked over to me and pulled me up by the waist. I wrapped my legs around his hips and buried my face into the crook of his neck. He still smelled of his aftershave. It was comforting. He held me so tightly to him. I needed this. I needed to feel him close. I could always get more out of him by feeling him.

“I love you so much, kitten,” he whispered in my ear, “and whether you are pregnant or not, I will be the happiest man in the world because I have you as my wife. We are partners. No matter what, you are never alone. I am with you. If you are pregnant, I will literally be a part of you. How amazing is that?”

“Oh, Jumin,” I cried as I hugged him tightly, unable to find more words to express my feelings.

“I never considered children being a reality before this point,” Jumin said as he placed me back down on the desk, kissing my lips before finishing his sentence, “but I am looking forward to being a good father to our children.”


	2. Chapter 2

“And there it is. That’s your baby, Mr. and Mrs. Han.”

This words still seemed so surreal. Even as I stared at the moving ultrasound on the screen, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was something alive inside me. It was going to grow. It was going to have hair and a heartbeat. It was going to laugh and cry. It was going to keep me up all night. It was going to make me sick. It was going to break my heart. It was going to make me cry. It was going to take up all my time.

And I was going to love it so hard.

I felt Jumin squeeze my hand. I looked up at him. I hadn’t seen him so scared since he thought I was going to leave him. Was he regretting his words from last night? I don’t know what he was thinking. His eyes were fixed on the screen. I could see our baby reflected in his eyes. I knew this sight was something I could never forget.

I squeezed his hand as the doctor turned off the machine. He told me about what vitamins I needed to take and foods to avoid. He explained that I needed to keep healthy. He gave me all my restrictions. I assured him that this wouldn’t be the last time he would hear from us this week. I knew Jumin well enough to know he would call the doctor with every little question that crossed his mind.

After shaking our hands and congratulating us, the doctor left. It was just Jumin and I left in the office. I sat up off the edge of the bed, kicking my legs back and forth a bit. I was waiting for him to say something. Say anything. His silence was making me uneasy. I didn’t want to try to get words out of him. This had to happen on his own.

Jumin stood up from the chair. He offered his hand to me in silence. I grabbed my purse as I took his hand with my other hand. He laced his fingers through mine as he led me out of the room. It was comforting gesture. We always held hands in public. It was like a leash for him. However, when he was just doing it out of habit, he just cupped my hand and tugged me along. Fingers clasped meant that he was feeling clingy. This was a good sign.

We got into the car. I buckled up the seatbelt before he could even remind me. I wanted to prove to him that I was going to protect myself and our baby. I was going to be just as protective as he was over our little one.

Something wet hit my hand. Just a drop. I looked at Jumin. Those cold eyes were melting into water. He tried to keep himself under control. He held back his emotions while in front of the doctor and out in public, but this was just us. He was comfortable. He couldn’t control it. He had never actually cried in front of me before. Honestly, I don’t think he had allowed himself to cry since he had heard about Rika’s death, which even V confirmed was only once and for a very short time.

I picked his hand up and kissed the top of it. I wanted him to know I was here. I didn’t want to interrupt his thoughts. He looked at me. The wetness was still around his eyes, but he had wiped away the actual tears. His look was so compassionate. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed the top of it.

“Anything you want in life, I will give it to you,” he said softly.

“You already do,” I told him as I moved his hand to my stomach, “and you already have.”

“You are going to be an amazing mother, kitten,” he said with a smile.

“I’m going to be a mom so doesn’t that make me a cat, and this little one the kitten?” I asked him with a grin.

“You are always going to be my kitten,” he said as he kissed my forehead. “Sweet, adorable, feisty.”

“We have to keep this a secret for now,” I told him, “but I know that you want to tell your father as soon as possible.”

Jumin nodded, “You always know what is on my mind.”

“Why don’t you invite him to the penthouse for dinner tomorrow night?” I suggested. “I will make my practice with the show longer tonight so I can get out early tomorrow. I can talk to Zen about leading if anything goes wrong.”

“Wait, you are still working?” Jumin asked with a raised brow. “You can’t stress yourself out with that silly show.”

“Silly show? Jumin, I have been working with this crew and cast for over a year now to prepare for all of this! This is my job,” I told him, furrowing my brow. “What happened to giving me whatever I wanted?”

“You could hurt our child,” he said strictly. “How can I allow that to happen?”

“By trusting me! I am the mother. This is my body. I know what is good for it as well,” I retaliated.

“What is growing inside you belongs to both of us, and I implore you take care of it,” Jumin insisted.

I rolled my eyes as I snapped, “Do you really think that I am just going to do something foolish on purpose? I’m not going to throw myself down a flight of stairs, Jumin!”

His eyes hardened in on me. I gazed right back at him. I wasn’t in the wrong here. Normally, I would blame this fight on my hormones, but I knew it wasn’t. Jumin hated that I was doing something he couldn’t control. He never liked the fact that I danced in the first place. He didn’t like that men touched me and threw me about. However, when I sprained my ankle during our second year of marriage, he tried to get me to drop out of school and do something more practical and safe. The thing about Jumin is that he will always give in to my wants. I know that.

“Don’t make such statements,” Jumin told me.

“Stop pushing me to that point,” I interjected.

Jumin took a deep breath, “We need to talk about this reasonably.”

I shook my head, “There is no reasoning about this. I have a month left in this show. Two weeks of regular rehearsal and practices, hell week, and a week of two-a-day performances.”

“And after that?” he interrogated.

I knew I needed to drop my pride and let him have this. He only wanted what was best for me and our baby. If I kept dancing, he would worry himself to death. He would give me anything I wanted, but I could never take advantage of him life that. I didn’t love him for what he gave me. I loved him because he was willing to always put me first. This time, I had someone more important than both of us to put first.

“Jumin, if you let me do this with minimum complaint, I will quit dancing until our child is two,” I told him. “Minimum complaint being that you can mention that you don’t like it, but you will not ask me to quit, and you will encourage me to keep going until the end. I need you on my side. One month for two years. You have the winning hand in this arrangement.”

He looked at her hand and nodded, “Fair enough, Mrs. Han. You drive a hard bargain.”

We shook hands and shared a kiss. This was a normal thing to do in our marriage. Mostly, it happened over what to have for dinner. We worked out business arrangements and agreements. It was something that made Jumin smile. He understood this method. He thought it was cute that I liked to speak his language. He normally gave into whatever I suggested pretty quickly, but it was a fun little game.

“I just want you safe, kitten, both of you,” he said.

“I understand, but you also need to trust that I will take care of our baby too, Jumin,” I told him. “I know your mom wasn’t always around for you, but I will be there for our baby. I will be there watching it grow up.”

“I know you will,” he said.

As the car stopped in front of the penthouse, we got out of the car. We thanked to driver as we walked by. He wrapped his arm around my waist. I loved when he was affectionate in public. The way he held on to me made me feel like the most special girl in the world. I was Jumin Han’s wife. Not only that, I was now the mother of Jumin Han’s child. Not Jumin Han the C&R Director, but Jumin Han the protective husband.

When we walked into the penthouse, Elizabeth’s head lifted up. She was curled up on her little place on the couch. She greeted us with a yawned meow. She stood up and stretched for a bit. Jumin and I waited for her at the door. She got upset if we walked over to her before she came to us. When she jumped down from the couch and pranced her way to our feet, meowing louder. I leaned down and picked her up. She purred contently as Jumin stroked her head.

“Hello, Elizabeth,” I greeted her with a smile. “We have big news for you. You’re going to be a big sister.”

Elizabeth meowed as she cocked her head to the side.

“She isn’t our child. She’s a cat. It wouldn’t be her sister. It would just be a tiny owner,” Jumin said as he scratched behind her ear.

I laughed a bit, “No way. This is our first child. The way you cared for Elizabeth before I showed up makes me confident in your skills to be a father.”

Jumin looked at me, “What kind of skills do you think I have, kitten?”

I walked towards the bedroom and pointed out, “You will take care of their health, make sure they are taken care of when you can’t be around, take pictures and be affectionate with them, spoil them rotten, and make sure that you are the best father that you can be.”

I placed Elizabeth on the bed along with my purse. Jumin walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He held me close to him. His hands lingered on my stomach. He kissed the top of my head. I placed my hands on top of his. Elizabeth meowed at us as she rubbed against our hands. This was my little family. I loved them all so much. This little moment of all of us together brought tears to my eyes.

Jumin softly purred, “I hope it’s a girl. As much as I would love an heir, I would love to have my little family of women. My inexplicable wife, my beautiful cat, and my wonderful daughter. The Han girls.”

Hearing his wishes just made me cry more. Tears of joy. I turned around in his arms and buried my face into his chest. The cashmere of his sweater was soft against my face. I felt bad for getting my tears on it. The sweater cost more than Yoosung’s rent, but to Jumin, it was merely a piece of cloth. It took me a few minutes to get control of my feelings. I pulled away and wiped away the tears from my eyes.

“Jumin, thank you for supporting me through all this,” I told him.

“For better or for worse,” Jumin recited, “was the promise we made to each other. A man’s word is binding. Unlike my father, I honor the vows we took that day. Before this moment, I never wanted another woman in my life. Now, I can see the only woman I could ever love more than you would be our daughter.”

“I never thought I would hear you say words like that,” I confessed.

He looked away sheepishly as he replied, “I never thought I could feel this way. Even imagining having children in my head, I thought that I would react to it more rationally. I thought I would look at it as merely a fetus without feelings or emotions. Ever since I saw it on that screen, I know that it is more than that. It is our baby, my love! It is alive. It is proof that we have a love strong enough to make life! I have come up with many products, but this is by far my greatest achievement. I am so proud of it.”

Everything was going to be fine. I knew what was going to happen in the next year of our lives. I knew that Jumin was going to keep doubting his abilities every time he did something rash. I knew the press was going to get involved at some point when I started showing. I knew his father was going to smother me with advice. I also knew that I had to reach out to his mother, with or without Jumin’s approval.

As a soon-to-be mother, I knew she would want to know.

I believe in second chances.  
  
“Jumin! Son, it’s always great to see you!”

When we had invited the chairman over for dinner, we asked him what he wanted for dinner. He had happily suggested that I make dinner for the three of us. This was a normal occurrence when Mr. Han visited. While he had an attraction to women that preferred to eat at the most lavish restaurants, he had a fixation on home cooked meals. He claimed that even the finest chefs cannot imitate the taste of a woman’s love for her family in even the most exquisite foods.

One of the first times, Mr. Han and I had bonded after the marriage happened was over food. He had come to the penthouse to see if Jumin was around. When I greeted him at the door, I was wearing an apron over my clothes. He asked what I was doing in a maid’s uniform. I told him I was making bibimbap for dinner and kimchi for later. He seemed genuinely impressed that I was willing to be in the kitchen. He questioned me about how long I had been cooking, if I had any culinary issues, about a dish that Jumin’s mother used to make for them, and many other questions. By the time Jumin had gotten home, dinner was done, and I was refusing to let Mr. Han go without joining us for dinner first since he had kept Elizabeth and I such great company.

Mr. Han and Jumin were still shaking hands by the time I left the kitchen to come greet him. He smiled at me. He held out his hand, and I shook it happily. He told me that dinner smelt amazing, and he had been absolutely craving it all day. The compliment was taken highly. Mr. Han was a hard ass in public. He was a stern businessman. However, when it came to family, he was extremely down to earth. He was a father excited to spend time with his son and daughter-in-law. He was all about his family when he wasn’t at work.

I brought all the dishes to the table. I poured the men a glass of wine, and I fetched myself some water. As I joined them at the table, I already noticed Mr. Han gazing at me.

“It has been four years, and I have never seen you turn down a glass of wine,” he said to me. 

We were busted. He already knew I was pregnant. I looked Jumin. He shrugged at me with a small smile. Jumin wasn’t one for games in the first place.

Mr. Han merrily laughed, “You must be really trying to stay hydrated and well for that big show of yours coming up! Still, a little glass of wine with family won’t hurt you!”

“Well,” I said with a shrug, “it might hurt one of the four of us at this table.”

“Four of us?” Mr. Han’s face went cold. We could see the gears in his head turning. Suddenly, that cold expression turned around. His face warmed up. He had a huge smile on his face. I sipped my water to try to hide my smile.

“Father?” Jumin said softly. “I am going to guess you understand what she is saying.”

“I’m going to be a grandfather?” he asked with a smile.

I nodded, “Yes, sir. We’re going to have a baby in the family.”

We could see the tears come to his eyes. He stood up from the table and raised his glass of wine and gave a toast. When he sat down, he told us about how he felt while his first wife was pregnant with Jumin. He talked about his nervousness. He explained her cravings. He told us about how she would always get lost while walking placed. He explained the labor to us. It was a very chatty evening.

After he left, Jumin and I curled up on the couch with Elizabeth. He alternated petting Elizabeth and my stomach. I was so happy to be in this family. I wasn’t as close to my parents as Jumin was with his dad. My family was very distant. I separated myself after high school so I could work to raise money to go to school for dance when they didn’t support me. My family was invited to my wedding. They didn’t show up. They sent a letter saying it was disgraceful for a family to not meet their daughter’s husband before engagement. Jumin tried to make peace, but nothing good came out of it. He simply shrugged and told me that our family was all that mattered. Since then, I have sent them letters and emails, and they were all sent back after being opened. Still, I felt they had the right to know.

“Jumin, I want to tell the RFA members,” I told him. “They are our family.”

Jumin nodded, “Will that make you happy, kitten?”

I took a deep breath, “Can we tell them tomorrow?”

“We can post it up in a chat room,” Jumin suggested. 

I shook my head, “No! It can’t be that impersonal. We need to tell them all in their own special way.”

“What are your ideas?” Jumin asked as he kissed my temple. “You are pretty creative when it comes to ideas like this. Plus, I have a feeling that you have been thinking about this for a while now.”

“I dreamt about my parents and sister last night,” I told him. “Jumin, I don’t have a family outside of you and your father. The RFA has been there for me through everything in the past four years. They deserve to be on this journey with us from the very beginning.”

Jumin pulled me into his chest, “My sweet wife, you have so much love in your heart. I admire that every single day. Our child will be blessed to be birthed by such an amazing woman. Unlike our mothers, you will love our child unconditionally. I know that.”

We spent the rest of the night making props and plotting out a strategy for tomorrow on telling everyone in the RFA in our own special ways. Each person was getting personalized announcement from us. I hadn’t seen Jumin smile this much in a while. He seemed to really enjoy all of this. Even though they mocked him for being a robot, he loved them all. He could never admit it, especially to Jaehee, but he cared so deeply for them all.

Our first stop was bright and early to the office. I had been up hours before with morning sickness. I made sure to do whatever I could not to wake Jumin. I wasn’t hard. He was such a shockingly hard sleeper when he actually slept. When he finally did rise, he was a bit upset at me for not getting him up while I was suffering. Once I was able to get up from the toilet and brushed my teeth aggressively, we gathered our plans for the day and left.

As we predicted, Jaehee was already getting the office into shape. It was hardly seven, and she already looked like she needed a break. When her eyes landed on me, she smiled brightly. Jaehee and I had grown close over the past years. I had often convinced Jumin to tell Jaehee to go shopping with me on days where I was bored or having her come with us when we travel so I have someone to keep me company while he does business. She was thankful for the breaks that being with me gave her. I was thankful that she actually liked being around me! Jaehee deserved more recognition than I could convince Jumin to give her, but I made sure she was getting better treatment than before.

“Assistant Kang, we are happy that you are already here,” Jumin said. “Come, we need to speak in my office.”

“Good morning, Mr. Han. Good morning—“

“No more dallying, Assistant Kang. My wife doesn’t have all day,” Jumin said as he walked with me into his office.

Jumin sat down at his chair. He patted his lap for me to sit down. If this had been anyone else, Jumin would have never allowed this type of display of affection in public. However, this was Jaehee Kang. The woman was my maid of honor at our wedding. She came over for dinner regularly to do work. She came over to talk to Jumin, but instead, we would watch her DVDs of Zen’s performances. I made sure to get her the best seats in the house for opening night. She almost passed out.

Jaehee sat in the chair on the other side of the desk. She sat there so often that there was a little indention in the chair that fit her body perfectly. It was quite amusing. 

She raised brow, “What do we need to talk about?”

“Jumin and I have been working on a project we have been working on,” I told her. “We created it. We are going to be completely hands on the whole time.”

My husband interrupted me to add on, “Assistant Kang, we are going to need your help. We realized that there is no way we could handle this without your help. You have been very helpful in our lives so far, and we absolutely need your devotion during this time. The project will launch in about eight or nine months.”

“That is very sudden!” Jaehee exclaimed. “Are you two sure you have everything worked out to make sure it will come together that quickly?”

“We don’t really have a choice on the date, Assistant Kang,” Jumin told her. “Why don’t you show her the project, my love?”

“Of course,” I said as I pushed the manila folder across the table.

Jaehee immediately took the folder off the table. She opened it and pulled out a single paper. It was blown up image of the ultra sound we had gotten. We knew she was the only one who was going to figure out what to do with the ultrasound image. Jaehee’s jaw dropped. She looked over the paper and at us. She kept looking back and forth.

“So, will you help us, Jaehee? We can’t do it without you,” I said sheeplishly.

“You two are having a baby?” she asked breathlessly. “We are going to have a child joining the RFA family? Oh my! This is incredible! Of course, I will be there for you both. Thank you for including me.”

I couldn’t help but smile at Jaehee’s reaction. Honestly, I was so excited to tell everyone else. These were the best things we could do for all of them. We wanted them all to feel personally included into this child’s life. They were the best people we knew. We couldn’t wait for our child to be born into such a supportive and loving home.

Next stop, we went to the opera hall to talk to Zen. I knew I had to tell him sooner than later. Jumin argued for him to be last, but I didn’t want to push him off. He already knew. He had been brewing on this news for two days. He deserved to know the truth.

When we got backstage, I was instantly bombarded with questions about what to do. I hadn’t been there for one day, and they were already falling into chaos on moves that knew by heart. To work my way to Zen, I had to make sure everyone was taken care of. I showed them how to do the moves they were unsure of. I gave them tips on what got them confused. I made footing rework for the background dancers who hurt their knees.

When we finally made it to the studio, Zen was alone in there. He was practicing his solo routine for the sixth scene in the first act. His character had just seen the love of his life. He was in a personal dilemma about how to tell her how he felt about her. I gave Jumin my bag. I jumped in when he reached the part where his character talked to the girl. I sang along with the words and moved with him so he had something to work with. Zen never broke character. He was one hundred percent committed to being Sung in this moment. He didn’t see me as his instructor. He saw me as Hana. We went through with the acting until the end of scene one.

Zen broke character with a simple comment, “You need to be on stage, not backstage. You’re good enough. You could be a star.”

“Actually, Jumin has a play he has been writing,” I told him.

“Writing a play requires having emotions,” Zen said as he drank his water. “So, which playwright has he hired to put this together?”

Jumin snapped back, “Who do you hire to play right with you?”

Zen looked confused for a moment before mumbling, “Nice wordplay, Daddy.”

I choked on the sip of water I had been stealing from Zen’s water bottle. Once I finished coughing, I explained to Jumin that Zen had seen my phone he called the other day. Jumin laughed a little at that. He seemed pretty proud of himself.

“Zen, come on,” I said as I handed him a few page of script. “This is an excerpt from his screenplay. You have to run it out with me. Jumin is insisting to see it reenacted.”

What Jumin and I had put together was absolutely horrendous writing. It was about a boy and a girl having a conversation about how to get rich quick. They were coming up with stupid ideas. Zen could hardly keep a straight face, but I kept giving him a look that meant that he needed to be serious. We played it out as best as we could. Then, we came to the final line.

“I know what I could do,” I recited while reading the words off the script. “I could get hacked by a strange man and told to check out an apartment that happens to belong to someone who hadn’t been around in a long time. Then, I discover my new app is actually a connection to a hidden chat room for people in a fundraising organization. While on there, I can meet a rich CEO, and I can fall madly in love with him. I will fight for his heart while he is struggling with an arranged marriage. Then, we can get married and living happily for years. Then, one day, I will be pregnant. Then, I will come up to you and I will tell you the good news! I will tell you that you mean the world to us. You and I are so close, and I want you to be like family to our baby. So, please, tell me that you will you will be the cool uncle because every baby needs one to look up to.”

Zen looked up at me without looking at the script, and he repeated the last line without even looking, “Nothing would give me greater pleasure.”

Zen dropped the script to the floor and took me into his arms. Hugs were common between us. It was something that started the first time we had hung out alone together. We had been having a couple beers after working out together, and family had gotten brought up in our slightly drunk rambling. Through it all, I realized the first thing we really had in common: we were practically orphans in his world. That night, Zen and I made a pact that we were each other’s brother and sister. We were going to be a team in the entertainment industry and in life.

As happy as Jumin’s father was for him, this was what it felt like to have my family be happy for me. Zen held me close to him. I knew he had been anxiously awaiting this moment since he found the positive test in my purse. He was worried. Zen was always worried about me.

“I am going to be the greatest uncle for that Trust Fund Kid Jr. that has ever existed!” he exclaimed.

Zen loosened his hug from me and looked to Jumin. He held out his hand to him. Jumin smiled and nodded as he shook Zen’s hand. Zen congratulated him and told him that he was going to make sure our child’s first words were “Trust Fund Kid” instead of the normal “dada”. After a few minutes of idol chat, Jumin and I were on our way to see Yoosung to deliver the news.

When we got there, we were welcomed at the door by Yoosung’s mother. She was overjoyed to see Jumin Han, the man that brought her and her son closer together. She gushed about how handsome he was, and that her son was going to be getting his life on track so he could be successful like Jumin. She went on and on. All the while, Yoosung was working on some cleaning that she asked him to do. He tried to defend himself, but overall, he seemed happy that his mother was entertained.

“Why are you guys here without notice?” Yoosung asked us as soon as his mother left. “Not that I have a problem with it! I love seeing you two! It is just rather unordinary.”

“We have rather unordinary news,” I told him.

Jumin held out and enveloped to him. Yoosung quickly opened it only to discover it was paperwork. He raised a brow as he looked at Jumin.

“What is all of this about?”

“I told you that I would offer you a job,” Jumin said. “This is your application to become the uncle to our child. You only have a few months to submit it before the due date so try not to be tardy.”

“Why is there a due date?” Suddenly, his face went red. He looked at us and grinned. “You really care this much about me? That you want me to be in your child’s life? Why?”

“You were one of the only people that made me feel welcomed into RFA immediately. In all honesty, you were my first friend,” I told him. “I want my baby to feel as welcomed into this world as I did when I met you. So, please, be in our child’s life, Yoosung.”

Yoosung chuckled, “Well, when you guys are actually planning to have children, I will more than happily be their uncle for you two!”

“Well, you won’t have to wait very long, just a few more months,” I told him with a smile as I placed my hand on my stomach. “Are you ready to step up so soon?”

He wiped away tears from his eyes as he nodded. He bowed to us and told us that he was going to be the best uncle he could be. He was going to get his paperwork on time and start being a better student so he could set a good example. As we were leaving, he mentioned something about the right age to introduce our baby to LOLOL. Before we could retort, the door closed behind us.

The next stop was to see Luciel. We warned him that we were coming, but he still suggested that we pick up an Arabic dictionary. He was lucky that we had already planned ahead on that one. We made our way through his security with minimum issues. When we finally made it to his door, he seemed pretty amazed that we made it through so easily.

“So what has you coming to my place?” he asked as he sipped at his soda.

Jumin looked at him seriously, “We received a very strange message. We couldn’t decode it so we figured you could figure it out.”

I took a folded up pieced of paper from my purse and handed it to Luciel. He looked over it with a raised brow. On the paper, there was a whole phrase written out in binary. It was a language that we knew Luciel was familiar with. Luciel was still very much a mystery to all of us. It took us the most time to figure out a way to break the news to him and make it personal. Originally, I had suggested we bring Elizabeth and have her hand him a note, but the look Jumin gave me for the mere suggestion gave me chills.

Luciel read it over a few times, and he looked at us, “So you two committed sins of the flesh and produced a spawn?”

“Is it really a sin if we’re married?” I questioned.

Jumin shook his head, “Not in the slightest. I believe he is exaggerating.”

“We have another mission for you,” I told him.

“Do you want me to make some type of major security system to ensure your child’s safety? I promise not to incorporate a bomb this time,” he said with a grin.

I reached into my purse and pulled out a few books, “These are notorious for being weird stories written for children. These are the ones we could find on short notice. Of course, we will keep building up a collection for you. Our child will love being read these crazy stories from their exciting Uncle Seven.”

There was something that clicked in Luciel in that moment. He looked taken off guard. I wasn’t sure what I had said to him that made him look like that. He looked like he could cry. There was a sadness that over took him. His happy demeanor faded.

“Lu-Luciel?” I called to him, “Are you okay? You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Is this too much pressure on you?”

He shook his head, “I just never imagined getting to hear someone call me an uncle.”

Jumin nodded, “Only children, like myself as well, tend to not hear that word too much. I never expected to hear it until Rika talked about her and V’s future children calling me uncle. It was a peculiar feeling. I can relate.”

“Yeah, only child,” he repeated softly.

“So, what do you save, God Seven?” I asked him as I placed a hand on his shoulder. “Will you be the fun uncle who scares the hell out of us but would never let any harm come to our little one?”

Luciel agreed and congratulated us. However, he seemed to rush us out of his home pretty quickly under the pretenses of work that needed to get done. We weren’t going to argue. The day had been pretty long, and we still had one more stop to make before we could head home.

We pulled up the apartment building that V stayed in. This was going to be the most heartfelt of the day. V knew Jumin better than I did. The two of them were best friends long before I was involved. V understood Jumin in ways no one else could. I learned this very quickly on the day V came and pulled me away from Jumin on the night before the party. The story he told about Jumin questioning their teacher is still one of my favorite stories of Jumin’s childhood.

After the party, he started coming around again. Once his vision was completely gone, Jumin asked him to stay with us for a week. I stayed home that week to make sure V was okay and handling everything well. Instantly, I found out how deep V was and how much he enjoyed deep conversation. Within that week, I think I spoke more words than I ever had in all my years combined. We talked about everything we possibly could. We talked about everything and nothing at the same time. We didn’t know if that was Jumin’s plan the whole time or not, but by the end of the week, V and I were very close.

We were greeted at the door by the maid Jumin had hired to help take care of V in his state. V kept insisting that he didn’t need the help, but Jumin refused to listen to him. I had to back him up a bit. V was far from being okay on his own. His mind was still broken from Rika. With his eyes now showing nothing but darkness, I feared him being alone for his mental wellbeing. 

“Is that the Hans I hear?” V called from his chair.

His smile grew. He had the kindest smile I had ever seen on a person. It was comforting. I could tell why Jumin felt so secure and trusting of V. He gave off the aura of the nicest guy alive. Jumin and I shook his hand before we sat down on his couch. Jumin asked the maid if she could leave for a bit and give us all some privacy. She agreed and happily went on an extended break.

“Privacy? I thought we were going to tone down the secrets in RFA?” V asked with a bit of a smile.

“I love coming into your home, V,” I told him, “because your photos everywhere always make me feel. I just get so many different emotions when I look at your walls. Do you miss it?”

V nodded, “I miss photography every day. I miss being able to see the world’s beauty.”

“We want you to come back to it. Capture at least a few more moments for us,” Jumin told him.

“How do you expect me to do that without my sight? I can’t even tell if the pictures are in focus,” V said with a bit of frustration.

“By listening to us. V, you know Jumin better than everyone. I am sure just by the sound of his breathing, you can tell how his facial expression looks. You know people. You can read tones of voice. You can feel them. You don’t need your eyes,” I told him as I placed my hand on his.

V placed his other hand on top of mine, “My dear, dear friends, why is this so important to you?”

Jumin explained to him. “You see, my wife and I are expecting our first child.”

“What? Are you serious?”

Jumin smiled as he looked at me, “If you had your sight, you would have been able to tell the minute we walked through the door. She’s radiant and glowing so beautifully, V.”

I blushed a bit, “V, what is Jumin doing right now?”

V looked puzzled for a moment before replying, “He is probably looking at you. There is soft smile on his face. He might be blushing a little. You wouldn’t be able to tell it by barely glancing at him though.”

“You can’t even see him, but you captured his happiness perfectly,” I told him, “and this is why we want you take our pictures through all this. We need have announcement, gender reveal, and the maternity photos. There is no one we would trust to do this. You are the only person Jumin will relax around enough for us to be able to take comfortable photos.”

Jumin nodded, “We are getting our chance at happiness, and we want to bring back the one thing that made you happy. Please, my friend, consider doing this for us. We would love to show our child the beautiful photos that Uncle V took of them before they were born.”

“Uncle V, huh?” V asked with a big grin. “I can’t refuse that, can I? I am extremely happy for the both of you. I know that Rika would be happy for you as well, Jumin. Not only have you opened up enough to bring someone into your life, but now, you are bringing someone into this world! You created a beautiful life. You will both be amazing parents with a beautiful child.”

The next hour was spent talking about future plans for the photos. V asked about how I was feeling about the premiere of my production was approaching. He asked Jumin about what his newest projects at work were. We talked about different things we wanted our child to know, how we were going to school them, and if we were going to raise them in the church. It was a lovely hour before the maid got back.

After such a long day, Jumin and I were more than happy to make it home before midnight. We greeted Elizabeth at the door, and then, we made our way to our bedroom. We quickly got into bed and relaxed. Elizabeth curled up on my stomach. In a way, I felt she knew something was going on in there. She wasn’t going to be too happy the first few years this kid was born and disrupting her peaceful lifestyle, but I was sure that Elizabeth would learn to love our new family member soon enough.

“Everyone important to us is happy for us,” Jumin said as he kissed my temple. 

“Do you think Rika would have been okay with this?” I asked him as I looked at my stomach. 

“What? What makes you say that?” Jumin warily questioned.

I spoke slowly, carefully thinking out every word before speaking, “Before I became involved with RFA, Rika was very protective over all of you boys. I know I sound like Yoosung right now, but I feel like I have taken her place. I have become so vital in all of your lives. Now, I am pregnant with your child.”

“What does it matter if it is my child? She was V’s fiancée,” he reminded me.

I glanced at him, “And she once asked you what if she had met you before V would things have been different.”

“What are you trying to say exactly, kitten?” Jumin asked as he stroked my hair.

“Do you think she would be happy for us? Jealous? Angry?” I took a deep breath to keep myself from crying, “Even after four years, I still don’t feel like I have compared to her. She is still so deeply imprinted on all of you. I feel like I am just a consolation prize in all of your lives.”

“My love, that isn’t fair,” Jumin started to say.

“Enough,” I breathed out as I buried my head in his chest, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I am being hormonal moody. There is no reason to keep feeding my irrational flames. Can we just try to sleep?”

“Anything you wish, kitten,” Jumin said, unable to hide the worry in his voice.

I sighed, “Will you recite some poetry for me, Jumin? Your voice is soothing.”

As Jumin quoted a poem he knew by heart, my mind continued to wander. I felt so much doubt. I couldn’t tell if it was just my hormones or if I was legitimately concerned about Rika again. Both were scary thoughts to end such a great day one. I didn’t like it.


	3. Chapter 3

“Your husband is going to kill us, you know that, right?”

Zen was such a good friend. I don’t know of anyone else that would go through all the hell I put him through. He took the announcement of my career hiatus pretty hard. He and Jumin had gotten into a screaming match the day after the cast party. Zen cornered him at work. Jaehee and I did all we could to hold security off. It had been a pretty scary moment.

Jumin had sent me home that day, and he had demanded that security make sure no one entered the Penthouse. He told me to get rest and not stress out any longer. Jaehee wanted to go with me to make sure I was okay, but I had asked her to stay with Jumin to make sure he was going to be alright. When he came home that night, I made sure I was on the couch. He apologized immediately for the scene and the demands.

Along with me taking a break from dance, Jumin asked if I would stay on bedrest until after the first trimester. He wanted to make sure there was no risk in me losing the child. Unfortunately for Jumin, I only agreed so I could stay home and do my research. I knew it would take me a while to find out what I needed while making sure he didn’t find out I was looking.

I spent weeks on different computers, hiring private investigators, and lying to my husband all to find this information. While being a super, secret spy, I enlisted the help of Zen to help me out with the execution of my plan. I couldn’t have any of the body guards around. I needed a strong man to protect me if anything went wrong.

“Trust me,” I told him, “I know he will. Well, not me. I have his child in me. You? This is just a really good excuse.”

I reached out and rang the doorbell. The house we stood in front of was fairly average, actually a little less. This was far from what I was expecting. I was almost worried that we had the wrong residence. I placed a hand carefully on my little bump. My anxiety was starting to grow.

The door opened. A woman stood in front of us. Even though she was middle aged, she had an outrageous beauty about her. I was pretty sure both Zen and I had started blushing. Then, she smiled at us. I knew that smile. I looked at that smile every night before I went to bed.

“Are you Jinju Han?” I asked.

She smiled, “I saw your picture on the new with my son. You are much more beautiful in person.”

“Wait,” Zen declared as he looked at me, “you tracked down Jumin’s Mom?”

I nodded, “I needed to meet her.”

“Why?” Zen questioned.

“Because I need to know why you left them,” I said as I looked Jinju. “You broke your son. Your only child! He became unable to trust women. He worried they would all leave him and his father like you did. Mr. Han still craves your cooking! He asks me to make Haejangguk, and every time I try, I can tell that he is disappointed that it isn’t what yours tasted like. Why would you leave them? They needed you! They loved you!”

I was sobbing by the time I finished screaming at her. My pregnancy got the better of me again. I wasn’t the person who lost their cool like that. Zen wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I turned and cried into his chest for a moment. I couldn’t stop the tears.

My head was starting to pound. I had been getting headaches more frequently. I had been told it was a common problem with pregnancy. Normally, when these headaches struck, my vision started to get strange. Today, I wasn’t sure if it was the headache or the tears that were affecting my vision more.

“I was that emotional when I was pregnant with Jumin,” Jinju spoke softly. “My husband had no way to comfort me. He was too busy with his company. I didn’t have friends like you. He didn’t trust me. I just had to cry to myself.”

I pulled away from Zen and looked at her, “He locked you away? Jumin wanted to lock me away. It took me a long time to get him to trust me. He still has issues.”

Jinju wiped away my tears with a sad expression, “He didn’t get that from me. He got that from his father. When I left, I remember him saying that he should have kept me on a chain so I could never escape him.”

“Sounding familiar?” Zen asked me.

“Come inside,” Jinju said as she pushed her door open.

Zen held close to me as we headed to her living room to talk. I sat down on the couch next to Zen. Jinju sat in a chair across from us. She took a deep breath. Her eyes glanced at the picture on the table. It was her holding a baby, most likely Jumin. Mr. Han wasn’t in the picture. I found myself wondering where he could have gone to.

“When I had Jumin, it was still taboo to talk about Post-Partum Depression,” Jinju told us. “I was miserable. I looked to my beautiful little boy, and I couldn’t bring myself to care about him. My husband hired nannies as if I couldn’t take care of my own child. He told me they were professionals. I never felt close to Jumin. I never got that time with him. When I did, I hated him.”

I could feel the panic creeping in again. Could I hate my own child? Would Jumin act like this? Jinju was bringing up so many more questions than answers. My plan was backfiring quickly.

“I left Jumin and his father when he was five, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done.” Jinju began to justify her actions, “I was miserable. It wasn’t fair for me to keep lying to them about how I felt. I hardly felt like my son was my son. The nannies always provided for them. My husband kept me out so late at different events and Galas that I never go to spend time with Jumin. I was depressed. I needed help. My husband wouldn’t admit it. He wouldn’t allow any doctor to prescribe me something. When I left, I kissed Jumin and told him that I had to go shopping. I never came back.”

Zen shook his head, “No mother leaves their child like that. My mother called me ugly for most of my life. She said I was the family disappointment. She was still a better mother than you.”

“I did not invite you into my home to insult me,” Jinju snapped. “I left to get help. I planned on coming back. However, my husband’s pride couldn’t let me back in. He claimed I was just after his money. He paid me off to stay away and not pursue custody of my son. He promised me that Jumin would always be well taken care of. I did not doubt him. I decided to respect his wishes.”

“Jinju, I will answer you three questions about Jumin,” I told her. “I know you have to be curious.”

“Is he happy?” 

Her first question made me smile. It was the most important question there was. She was going to pass my test. I wanted to give her a second chance. I knew Jumin was going to be against this. I knew Mr. Han was going to lose his mind. However, this was my decision. I wanted my child to have as much family as I could muster.

“He wasn’t for a long time,” I confessed. “Emotions confused him. He wasn’t sure what to feel or how to express those feelings. His best friend, Jihyun, and his girlfriend were the only two people in his life. He was very lost after Rika died. Jihyun became very distant. I came along not even two years later. I think Zen can clarify that he has been happy since we got married.”

Jinju covered her mouth as her eyes filled with tears, “Jihyun Kim? The artist and the musician’s son? They are still friends? The boys have stayed that close for this long?”

I nodded, “Yes, they are still the best of friends. They have inside jokes that even I don’t understand. When Jihyun lost his sight, no one supported him and cared for him like Jumin. You would have been very proud of him in those moments. I know that I was.”

“About Jumin, how does he feel about you having his child?” Jinju asked as she anxiously looked at me.

“He is excited albeit nervous,” I informed her. “He hopes for a girl. He called his having his ‘Han Girls’, our daughter, our cat, and myself. He is very protective. He requested that I give my job a break for a while and that I stay on bedrest until my first trimester was over.”

“His father kept me inside at all times except for when he needed me for public appearances,” she said, crossing her legs. “I fear I might have let him influence Jumin far too much.”

“You doubt your daughter-in-law,” Zen defended. “Jumin may be insanely over protective, but she has never let him walk over her. She has always did what she knew was right while still respecting his outrageous jealousy. I don’t know how she does it, but she is phenomenal.”

I smiled at Zen as I patted his hand. He was tense enough as it was. He didn’t want to be here. The last thing he ever wanted to deal with was anyone insulting me. He was always this overprotective of me. He never would admit it, but he was just as obnoxious as Jumin with hovering over me. They just handled it differently. Jumin used power. Zen used rage.

“I have one question left,” Jinju spoke carefully a she said, “and this one may be the most selfish thing I could ask.”

I raised a brow. I wasn’t happy about hearing a selfish question. She wasn’t supposed to be selfish. It was supposed to be about him. I was feeling wary on if she actually wanted to see him again.

“Has he ever mentioned me?” she asked.

I shook my head, “No more than you existed, you left when he was young, and you never contacted him afterwards. I realized that Mr. Han was hiding your whereabouts when it took me a month to find your location. So, I expect there was a reason.”

Jinju nodded and replied, “I didn’t want Jumin to be shamed by my actions. I would rather he think I was just after his father for than money. At such a young age, he would have been in the middle of a bitter divorce with the press pestering him. I couldn’t do that to my son.”

“Jinju,” I said softly as I looked to her, “I would like to stay in contact with you.”

“For what purposes?” she asked precariously.

“You did what you thought was right for Jumin, and I respect that,” I told her. “In some ways, it was the best thing for him. You missed out on watching your baby become a man. I don’t want that to happen with your grandchild. If you would like to be a part of Baby Han’s life, I will see what I can do with convincing Jumin and his father to allow this.”

Her eyes filled with tears. Her bottom lip pouted out slightly. Jumin’s lip did that when he was emotional. His eyes normally remained like steel though. She placed a hand over her mouth as the tears began to fall. She couldn’t speak words, but she nodded.

I stood up from the couch, and Zen followed my lead. It was time to go. I had spoken enough for today. Jinju needed time to process all of this, and I needed time to figure out how to bring this up to Jumin. It was not going to be pretty.

“I’ll be in touch, Jinju,” I said as Zen and I walked out of the house.

Zen and I walked a couple blocks down the road to meet up with Driver Kim. We hadn’t wanted him to drop us off in front of the house just in case Jumin interrogated him. We didn’t want him involved in this mess. He was just a wonderful man who worked very hard for the Han family.

In the back of the car, Zen looked at me. Even through my blurred vision, I could see his red eyes were extremely intense. It was one of his most attractive features. He knew I was sucker for his eyes. I told him once when I was insanely drunk. He was in love with the idea. Then, I proceeded to tell him six reasons why I wouldn’t sleep with him ever. He didn’t like that so much.

“You did all this work to bring a woman from Jumin’s past involved in his life again?” Zen questioned.

“I’m crazy, right?” I asked him.

Zen huffed, “Yeah, a little bit! Not that I am one to care about what that Trust Fund Kid cares about, but I know that if you got my mom involved in our pregnancy without me knowing, I would be pissed off.”

I frowned and replied, “I did it for Jumin. I feel he is going to insecure about me as a mother because his own mother was so distant. He thinks his mother abandoned him for some greener pastures. She didn’t though! She just wanted to get help.”

“What is the point to all of this?” Zen grilled further. “You would have been just fine! You know Jumin loves you more than his father could ever love a woman. You have seen the way he does everything for you. Why are you so insecure?”

“I gave up dance because it made him nervous that I would choose that over our child,” I spat, feeling the urge to cry again. “Jumin hates my career because he thinks I will be like his mom and leave him when a better opportunity arises. I need her to explain to him the situation. He needs to forgive her before he can fully trust me.”

“All of this just to dance?” Zen pushed further. “Babe, coming from me, two years isn’t even that long!”

“I already miss it, Zen,” I cried, covering my face to hide my tears. “I was trying to do some simple choreography the other day, and Jumin walked in. I could see the fear in his eyes. He knew I couldn’t just give it up. I love dancing, Zen.”

“This is why you should have been with me,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Is this really the time for that?” I hissed, lowering my hands to look at him.

Zen glared at me, “You are absolutely miserable! He is making you miserable! I would never have done that with you. I would made sure you were happy.”

“You don’t make me happy!” I yelled at him. “Jumin makes me happy! Dance makes me happy! My baby makes me happy! You don’t!”

Zen grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. I gasped as he tightened his grip. I could see the rage on his face. My heart was racing. Our fights were always passionate like this. However, this was the first time he had ever grabbed me. I was horrified. I was scared for me. I was scared for my baby. I was scared for Zen if Jumin ever found out.

Suddenly, he realized what he was doing and released me. He looked mortified by his actions. I looked at my arm and noticed the bruises. The world was spinning again. I couldn’t keep my eyes focused on him.

“Driver Kim,” I called, “Please pull over.”

As he followed my instructions, I got out of the car. I stumbled to the trashcan on the side of the road. I started throwing up. I hadn’t thrown up in weeks. Suddenly, I was hit with pain in my stomach. I couldn’t stand any longer. I gripped to the trashcan as tried to keep myself hoisted up, despite my legs’ protests.

“Zen!” I cried out. “Call Jumin. We have to go to the hospital. Now.”


	4. Chapter 4

“You are telling us that pre-eclampsia is a fairly regular condition, and you are telling us that we shouldn’t worry too much?”

Jumin sounded more irritated than anything. He hated when things were out of his control. No matter how many appointments he set up with doctors, we wouldn’t have avoided this problem. 

It was my fault (but he would never accept that answer) because I ignored the signs. I had read that headaches were common with pregnancy. I figured how my body acting was normal. I was stupid and reckless.

The president of the hospital was personally tending to me under Jumin’s command. I was in a private room. The only other person in there was Zen. He refused to leave my side. Jumin couldn’t pry him away from me. I knew he was scared. As mad as I was at Zen, I knew he would torture himself until he knew I was okay. It was much easier to allow him to stay than to update him in detail later.

The hospital’s president continued to hover the wand over my stomach as the our little fetus appeared on the screen, “As long as your wife works with a new diet and gets bed rest, you two will be able to deliver your baby as healthy as ever.”

The three of us all sighed in relief. There was a moment of peace in the room. We had all been stressed out for the past five hours waiting on test results and answers. Personally, I was starving and just wanted to eat anything. That wasn’t helping my anxiety.

“Mr. Han, we would like to talk to for a moment in the hallway though,” the president told him warily.

Jumin kissed my forehead, “I will be back in just a moment, kitten. Hold tight.”

As he walked outside with the president, Zen moved closer to me. He sat down in the chair next to me. I raised a brow as I looked at him. He knew I wasn’t happy with him. I knew he was extremely sorry. We both knew I was going to forgive him for what happened.

“I’m sorry. You know I would never hurt you,” Zen said.

I corrected him, “No, Zen, you did hurt me. You would never intentionally hurt me, but you have some crazy uncontrollable beast in you, and you think I am some sort of property. Jumin didn’t take me from you. He didn’t buy me from you. I was never yours. I never chose you. I chose him from the start, and it is moments like this I remember why.”

“D-Do you ever doubt it? Your chose?”

Before I could answer, Jumin walked into the room. There was a look in his eye. It was menacing. It was cold, but I could still feel the fires of hell burning. He moved past Zen and took my arm. He looked it over. He saw the bruises that Zen had put on me.

“Jumin, I can explain,” I said softly.

“The president wanted to ask me if I ever hit you because he found bruises on you that looked like fingerprints,” Jumin said, tone as cold as ice. “I assured him that I never harmed you. I couldn’t imagine what kind of animal could hurt a human as beautiful as you. Then, I remembered you had been hanging around an awful being that referred to himself as a beast quite often.”

Zen held his head up as Jumin looked to them. I held on to Jumin’s hand. I didn’t want him to do anything stupid. I knew my weak grasp couldn’t keep him from actually swinging, but it was all I could do with goo still on my exposed stomach.

“Jumin, it was an accident,” Zen admitted.

Jumin didn’t speak.

“We had gotten into an argument about something. I lost control. I grabbed her. I didn’t know I could leave bruises on her. I’m sorry,” he told him.

Jumin pulled his arm away from me as he stared at Zen before slowly speaking, “I trusted you with my wife.”

“You never trusted me!” Zen shouted. “You were constantly bothering her about what we were doing! You were constantly afraid she was cheating on you! You never trusted me with her!”

“I never thought my wife would cheat on me,” Jumin told him. “I never trusted you not to lose your cool. You almost killed yourself on a motorcycle. Imagine what you could do to my wife. Now, she has bruises on her because you got upset. What if you hadn’t come to your senses? You could have hurt her child too! You are a filthy beast!”

Jumin was shaking. Zen’s eyes were darting back and forth between him and me. He looked like he was almost pleading me to stop Jumin. I couldn’t do it this time. Not at this moment. Jumin wasn’t going to listen to logic. Honestly, I thought Zen could use a little punishment. He needed to learn that he couldn’t just grab me because he was angry.

“Hyun Ryu, I want you to leave, quietly,” Jumin told him, “and do not contact my wife.”

“We work for the same organization,” Zen defended, “so that would put our whole parties at jeopardy. You can’t be selfish enough to hurt RFA.”

“I will talk to V about how to handle this situation further,” Jumin stated, “but for the safety of my family, I need you to leave. If you refuse any further, I will have security called.”

Zen looked to me, “Are you going to do anything to stop your nutcase of a husband?”

Shaking my head, I agreed, “We need some time apart, Zen. You know what our argument was about. After that, I think you need some time away from this situation. I’m sorry that it had to come down to this, Zen. I do love you, and I do forgive you. Things need to air out.”

“I love you too,” he mumbled as he walked out of the room with his head down. 

I was sure I saw a tear splash onto the tile of the floor.

The next few hours at the hospital were spent in awkward silence until I was discharged. The nurse with our papers warned us that there were paparazzi everywhere outside after hearing about this. Jumin thanked her for telling us and tipped her some cash for her kindness. 

I wasn’t ready for the sea of cameras and the roars of questions. I wasn’t ready to deal with the suspicions for why the actor Zen was at the hospital with me instead of my husband. I wasn’t ready to deal with Jumin’s paranoia. I knew everything was going to come out, and I wasn’t ready to upset both of my men.

“Why were you with him?” Jumin asked me as he helped me put my coat on.

“I don’t want to talk about it now,” I told him.

Jumin raised a brow, “Since when do you hide things from me? You know this makes me feel very uneasy, honey.”

I looked at him, “Jumin, let me ease your fears. Tell me what you think happened.”

“I don’t like to assume. I like facts,” he spoke coldly. “The facts are that you went out with Zen to an unknown location. He grabbed and hurt you. You have some type of spasm with your pregnancy. These things are all very worrisome.”

“And wherever your mind is wandering, I can assure that you are very wrong,” I commented as I walked towards the door, already hearing the sounds of cameras clicking.

Jumin wrapped his arm around me as we walked outside. He didn’t smile, but I did. I didn’t want anyone to think anything had gone wrong. We stopped for a moment to give a statement.

“Thank you, everyone, for your concern,” I spoke as I looked at them. “We are happy to report that everything is perfectly fine with Baby Han.”

“And what about Zen?” a reporter called out.

I responded, “It is very common knowledge that Zen and I are very good friends. We had met up to spend some time together when I felt some unusual pain. Zen acted very nobly and responsibly to get me to the hospital as soon as possible. He held my hand and kept me calm until Jumin arrived. We are very grateful to him for his help at this time, and we thank him profusely for being such an amazing friend to us.”

Jumin led me into the car and cut off the rest of the questions. I was thankful for that. As I thought about how Mr. Han had treated Jinju, I realized that he would have never let her speak on her behalf like Jumin had just allowed me to do. He respected me as his wife. He trusted me not to say anything scandalous. 

This put some of my fears to rest. As much as I wanted to avoid telling him, I knew I had to confess what happened today. He deserved it. My honesty was a reward for his trust in me.

“Jumin, I went to see your mother.”

“Excuse me?”

I couldn’t quite describe the look on his face. I don’t think he really knew what he was feeling at the moment. It was a huge bomb.

“I tried to simply look her up, but your father had everything about her blocked off. The only thing I could find was that her named with Jinju. I had to hire a private investigator to even get close enough to see if she was safe enough to visit,” I explained to him. “I brought Zen along because I knew he would protect me if things went south. He would never let any harm come to me.”

“Obviously,” Jumin replied sarcastically. “What I don’t understand is what possessed you to think this was a good idea?”

I took a deep breath and revealed the truth, “I feel like you don’t trust me to stay with you because she abandoned you. You need answers so you can soothe your insecurities. You never knew why your mom left you. Anytime my job would cause me to travel, you tracked my phone to make sure I was coming back when I said I was. When I had a chance to study abroad in America for a semester, you absolutely refused. I thought if I could get your mother to tell you the real reason why she left then you could start trusting me not to just leave you.”

Jumin didn’t speak. I could see the gears in his head turning. He was trying to comprehend how his actions weren’t extreme. He was adding together how each situation could be considered obsessive. This normally took a while.

As he thought about things, I took out my phone to see who had been trying to contact me. The main person who was concerned was Jaehee. She had originally texted me about what happened with me, she switched to asking if Jumin was there and coping okay, and her last text was asking why Zen was drinking hard liquor and not talking. I texted her back asking her to take care of Zen as best as possible, and I would explain everything to her tomorrow when she came by.

“Why did she lie to me?”

That question hurt me. I looked at Jumin. He looked pained. It reminded me of when I first met him face-to-face after Elizabeth left, and I had to go back to Rika’s apartment. When I told him I needed to go, he looked as if I had just slapped him in the face. That expression was never forgotten so the echo that played on his face now just sent chills down my spine. I hated seeing my husband hurting.

“What do you know about Post-Partum Depression?” I asked him.

From there, I began to explain the condition. I told him what Jinju felt and what she had explained to me. I did my best to avoid talking negatively about his father. The last thing that Jumin needed was the wage war against someone else. I explained that his mother chose this to protect him from a custody battle and a bitter divorce.

“Did she ask about me?” Jumin asked.

I nodded, “The first question she asked was if you were happy. She had a picture of her holding you when you were an infant. You were swaddled in blankets. She had it framed and sitting on a table. She knew me when I approached because she had seen us on the news. She watches for updates on you.”

Jumin paused again. I could see his mind collapsing. He didn’t know how to handle this. He was feeling too much. He was overloaded. I knew that I needed to get a hold of V. He was the only one who would be able to talk him down. Honestly, I think V will be even less happy with me for this.

“If she watches the news, why has she never tried to contact me?” he asked carefully.

This was going to be the hardest question to answer for him. It made his father into a villain. This was not what I wanted to do. I felt like Mr. Han never meant to push his wife away. He obviously loved her. She was the only wife he chose to have a child with. She was the only woman he ever seemed to miss. 

“Your father paid her to stay away,” I confessed to him, “and she didn’t want to start a custody battle over you. It would put you in the public eye, and she never wanted to do that to you. She knew and trusted your father would do what was best for you.”

“I’m really mad at you,” Jumin told me, “because you went behind my back to do this. I am dealing with a lot already that I can hardly handle. The company is taking on a new branch of business, we are expecting a baby, and we are still managing one more party before the baby comes. Now, you have brought in my mother, the woman who made me cold to all women until I met you. I don’t understand why you did this fully.”

This was impressive. Jumin never really explained why he felt what he was feeling. It was a point of issue when we started fighting. He just brushed things off without telling me what or why. It could get irritating. Whenever I was mad at him for it, I always remembered that I could have it worse. I could have been with Zen who could never stop talking about himself or his feelings.

“When I found out I was pregnant, I felt alone. I thought no one alive was in my shoes. Until, I realized that your mother was still alive. She knew what it was like to be pregnant with a baby who was going to be born into this great wealth and world,” I explained. “Then, your father began telling us stories about when your mother was pregnant with you. She knew what I was going to go through. Then, you became protective. You asked for bedrest, and you were nervous when you saw me dancing for fun. I felt like there was only one person in the world who could understand what I was going through. I didn’t want to do what she did so I had to know her story to avoid her mistake.”

“What about your own damn mother?!”

Jumin realized what had escaped his lips. There was a look of fear in his eyes as he gazed upon me. I merely looked away from him.

My mother had refused to come to our wedding. She didn’t like how I met Jumin. She didn’t like how I stayed with RFA. She didn’t like that I gave up my whole life for these people. Mostly, she didn’t like that I grew up far too fast for her to control. I tried to stay in contact with her through my engagement, but when she mailed her RSVP card as “not coming”, it had broken my heart. I cried for days. I even talked about cancelling the wedding in my own delusion. Jumin took it upon himself to handle the situation. He had gone to my parents’ home, and he told them that he was changing my cell phone number, and if they ever wanted to contact me again, that they would have to go through him. They never tried.

“Kitten, I’m sorry,” he said as he placed his hand on my, fingers grazing the bruises on my wrist.

“No, I understand,” I told him. “You have a lot going on. You lashed out. I’m not mad, Jumin. I’m honestly not. I just wish it could have been my mother. I know my mother wants nothing to do with me, but I had a sickening feeling that that wasn’t true about yours. In the end, I was right.”

“What should I do?” Jumin asked.

“We should talk to your father,” I told him as I laced my fingers between his. “He will not be happy with me. I know that, but I did what I had to do. My love, I think we need Jinju in our lives. Not just me. Not just you. I think your father needs her back too. He needs to hear her story and be able to forgive her, as do you. Our family is growing, but it is still missing a piece.”

“What about Zen?” Jumin asked.

“What about him?” I retaliated, startled by the sudden change in topic.

Jumin eyed me, “You never stay mad at him long enough. He always comes back around before he has even served his punishment.”

“Say what you want, Jumin,” I demanded.

He replied, “I don’t want him around you alone for a long time. He will be allowed near your when we have the parties for the baby and fundraiser. You can text and call when you are ready. Under no circumstance are you allowed to be with him alone.”

I looked at my wrist. The fear I felt in that moment flooded back to me. The intensity in his eyes flashed in my head. The sick feeling started to overcome me again. I swallowed hard. I choked back the tears. Part of me knew that I hung out with Zen just to prove my independence, but I knew what it was doing to my husband. It was time to put him first again.

“Jumin,” I said, “before this happened, Zen told me that he thought I should be with him instead of you. I told him that he was never an option. He proceeded to become engulfed by his rage, and that was when he grabbed me. I have never been more scared in my life. I wasn’t scared for myself though. I was scared for our baby, defenseless and unknowing of Zen’s strength or threat. I was scared for you, finding out that Zen lost control again. I was scared for Zen because when I told you, he was going to be taking me leaving him alone very hard.”

Zen had never grabbed me before, but Zen had lost control before. It was not long after my engagement with Jumin, and he had gone on a business trip. Zen, Yoosung, and I took Jaehee out for drinks to help her relax. Yoosung left early because he had exams to study for. Jaehee needed to get home for an early morning meeting. That left Zen and I, already intoxicated, to sit around and shoot the shit. When the bar closed, my driver picked us up and decided to drop Zen off first. He convinced me to walk him to the door. When we got there, he tried to kiss me, but I moved back a few steps. I told him that I honestly had no romantic feelings for him. Yes, he was attractive, but he wasn’t the one I wanted to spend my life with. Zen began yelling, ranting and raving, about how I was making a hasty mistake. That no one would love me like he could. With each point, he took a step closer to me. I kept backing away. I was in the street. All I know is that I heard a horn blare, and Driver Kim grabbed me before I was hit. Zen was apologetic, wept and promised never to do it again. When I told Jumin, he was far from pleased with me for drinking with another man alone, but he was absolutely livid Zen for putting his delusional desires above the safety above the one he claimed to love. Driver Kim had received a huge bonus and a paid vacation in thanks for saving my life.

Jumin was right though. Even after that incident, I was hanging out with Zen again after a week. Jumin, while not happy about it, allowed it. He never stopped me. For the first time, it was hitting me that he was never trying to control me. He just wanted to keep me safe. Zen was the one who could hurt me the most. He proved it continually. Yet, I always chose to forgive and forget. It was no longer just my life I had to worry about.

I began to cry. I blamed the hormones. Jumin pulled me closer to him in the back of the car. He stroked my hair and began to practice deep breathing. It was a method he read about online. When someone is in a panic state, deep breathing near them helped calm them down. It did. It regulated my breathing and brought me down for manic states much quicker.

He lifted my chin to look up at him, “Why are you crying, kitten?”

“Jinju told me that your father had basically locked her up,” I told him, “and I thought that we had that in common. I was wrong because you always let me have my way. Even though you tried your hardest to keep me safe, you still let me do things that were dangerous because you love me. Why?”

“When Elizabeth ran away, she was not capable of coming back on her own, but you are. You proved to me many times that you will always come back. I am not only in love with you because I feel it. I am in love with you because you prove it. You prove every single day that you are here for me and no other reason,” he told me. “When Zen became popular and finally started to get money, you didn’t leave me for him. You didn’t choose Luciel when we found out that he was considerably wealthy. You never thought about Yoosung or even Assistant Kang because this lifestyle was too much for you. You support me and love me, and I reciprocate those feelings. You will not leave me. I will not leave you. We signed paperwork saying so.”

I smiled as I kissed his jaw, “I am so happy our baby is going to grow up with two parents like us. A love that is far from perfect, but two people who truly love each other and will never give up on it. Our baby will learn patience, communication, and compromise just from watching us. Personally, I think that is beautiful. Jumin, I just have one question for you.”

“Yes, my love?”

“Do you really think I would have left you for Jaehee? Is she that much of a threat?”

Jumin shrugged, “We never talked about your sexuality before we had gotten engaged. You two were close. She had the one thing I could never give you: female anatomy. The thought had crossed my mind.”

For once, I couldn’t really argue.


	5. Chapter 5

“Thank you everyone for coming to the R.F.A.’s Gender Reveal fundraiser. The funds that are raised today will go to help several children’s hospitals and orphanages in the country. Don’t forget to place your votes for Boy or Girl. Those who guessed correctly will be receiving small gift baskets containing items of several companies that have been donated to us for this occasion. There is a silent auction as well as many games to play. We hope you all enjoy your time with us today. Thank you all for coming.”

I placed the mic back on the stand and bowed to the crowd. The banquet hall was decorated in pink and blue everywhere. Yoosung and Jaehee had done an amazing job on decorating and setting up all the games. Many of the people at this event had been the ones that had come to my first party, and I was so touched that they would show up for this event as well. Many of the same happy faces who had congratulated me on my engagement to Jumin were now celebrating our next step in life. 

I exited the stage and walked into the arms of my husband. He kissed my forehead and told me I was beautiful up there. It gave me a little bit of relief.

Six months along was quite some time. My stomach was bigger than I thought it would be. I was extremely uncomfortable. Jumin had five dresses designed for me for today because he knew I was going to have a hard time deciding on what to wear. I broke down crying six times before choosing what dress to wear. Jumin had particularly likes this one because it was a solid color and very form fitting. He was amused by how tiny our baby was compared to how big my stomach was. (Of course, he didn’t understand why saying that out loud had made me cry.)

We had asked all the guest who were arriving to donate items such as diapers, clothes, and toys for children of all ages. We had insisted on people donating to charity instead of getting us gifts for our child. We could afford anything we wanted. We wanted to make sure other children at least received the necessities. This was going to be our last party for almost a year, and as a group, we had decided to go out with a bang.

“Hey, babe,” Zen said as he approached Jumin and I.

This was the first time we had seen each other face-to-face since the incident. We had texted about business on the messenger, but that was as far as we had gotten on contact. Immediately, I started tearing up. I missed him. I truly had. I knew I needed space from Zen in that moment, but things had ended on such a bad note that I felt it unfair.

Jumin released me. I moved to Zen and embraced him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me. His chin rested on my head.

“How are you feeling?” Zen asked as he pulled away.

“I have my moments,” I told him. “I am trying to make sure I have enough iron. I have a lot of bed rest. If I do get to go on a walk, I have to have someone with me. Someone is overprotective.”

Jumin corrected, “Of our child. Not you, kitten.”

“Excuse me,” Jaehee announced herself as she approached, “but there are several people looking to talk to Zen and Mrs. Han.”

“Is that alright, Jumin?” I asked him.

He nodded and looked to Zen, “Control yourself.”

Zen nodded. He walked beside me as we followed Jaehee to several of reporters and fans of Zen. To my own surprise, I had several of my own fans. I knew that I had people who hated me for being the woman to marry Jumin Han. I also knew that many people praised us on keeping traditional marriages alive. It was nice to see the support.

“Mrs. Han, your choreography for your last show has been critically acclaimed for months now,” a reporter commented, “and everyone who worked with you for the show has spoken so highly of your coaching skills. Will this be a one-time experience for you?”

“No,” I told them earnestly. “I have three loves in my life: my family, dancing, and giving back. My family will always come first, but I cannot deny my other passions for long. In a couple years, I would be honored to choreograph another show, especially if I can work with talented performers like Zen. Introducing my child to my first love is something I look forward to in life.”

“So, are you and Zen going to team up again in the future?” 

“Absolutely!” Zen announced. “We are more than just business partners. We are friends. We spend time together outside of work. We grab lunch, watch movies, and even work out together. In the end, she is more than RFA’s organizer or my choreographer. She is my best friend, and I never want to lose her.”

“Has there ever been romantic chemistry between you?”

“I cannot lie,” Zen declared, “ I was the first to flirt with her when she entered our lives. However, she was meant to become Mrs. Han, and who am I to stand in the way of fate?”

I smiled as I reached out and squeezed Zen’s hand. This was hard for him. I knew it was. We had been asked this question a lot, but he was never this honest about his feelings. I could see the pain in his eyes as he looked at me. I broke my heart. I hated that I hurt him. I hated that being away from him this long. I missed him dearly.

“What happened the day you went into the hospital? That was the last time the two of you were spotted together,” another reporter pushed.

“I have pre-eclampsia,” I revealed for the first time. “On that day, Zen had gone with me to run an errand. While out, I became ill which was when Zen had the driver rush me to the hospital. I nearly passed out, and Zen grabbed my wrist to keep me from falling. That is where the bruises every saw came from. He was protecting me and my child from getting hurt. Zen has always had my best interests at heart. I would call Zen my best friend, but he is more than that. Zen is my brother.”

“How does your husband feel about this relationship?”

I hated that my baby shower had turned to focus on the relationship between Zen and I. However, I understood the concern. Zen and I were way more interactive on social media than Jumin and I ever were. Mostly because Jumin wasn’t involved in social media too much. The world saw our chemistry. The world jumped to conclusions. It was finally time to end the assumptions and set up the facts.

“The way the world has reacted to Zen and I’s relationship makes him admittedly uneasy. He is a very protective man of his family and himself, and he doesn’t trust many people. However, my husband does trust me,” I clarified, “and that is the most important thing. It is true that he does feel uncomfortable with how close to Zen I am, but that is only because the world is, how do they call it, ‘shipping’ us. What these people forget is that I am already someone else’s wife, and this kind of attention is extremely harmful to him. To all those fans, we understand that you appreciate Zen and I’s relationship, but please, don’t distort it. Our love for each other is perfect just as it is. It doesn’t need to be romantic for us to always be a duo.”

With that, Jaehee ushered us away from the reporters. As she did so, she made mention that Jumin saw me getting worked up and ordered that the session be brought to an end. I was thankful. I needed to get a breather. I was getting emotional again.

“Hey, Mama Han,” Luciel said as he approached me, “so what are you hoping it is? Boy or girl?”

“A dinosaur?” I joked. “No, that would hurt coming out. A sheep. Those are fluffy, right?”

“Why not cotton candy?” he asked. “Or a cloud?”

“Clouds are pretty quiet,” I laughed.

“You know if you ever need a baby sitter,” Seven cooed, “I can always watch Elly for you.”

“As if Jumin will ever let you that close to Elizabeth. He suggested naming our baby Elizabeth the 4th if it is a girl,” I reminded him. “Are you okay, though, Luciel? You’ve been quiet for a couple months, and I have hardly heard from you. I’ve been worried.”

“C-Can I tell you something privately?” he asked.

Luciel and I had a very complicated relationship. I had always been that way. According to Yoosung, he had feelings for me much like Zen. He never had those feelings reciprocated. Due to the agency he worked for, we were never allowed to get super close like Zen and I did. Yet, he still tried to open up to me as much as he could, even if he wasn’t supposed to.

He took me out of the room and into an empty hallway. I could see the look on his face. He looked very distressed. I didn’t know what was on his mind. This was a very similar expression to the one he had after he found out I was pregnant. It was a mix of pain and confusion.

“I have a brother, my twin, actually,” he confessed. “It was a really bad situation while growing up. I don’t like to talk about it.”

“I won’t force you,” I told him as I took his hand. “Just tell me everything you are comfortable with, Luciel.”

“Our mother was not a very kind lady, and my brother was very sick. While I would get to get out from time-to-time, not him,” Luciel told me. “V and Rika helped lead me to a better life, one where they told me I could protect and save my brother. However, to do so, I had to leave him. After that the details become blurry.”

I squeezed his hand lightly, “I appreciate you telling me all this, but why now, Luciel?”

He rambled on, “When we met, I pushed you away to keep you safe because my lifestyle is harmful, and when you fell in love with Jumin, I thought all this would end and you would be safe. I was able to open up to you and be your friend, even if I can’t be completely honest with you. Our friendship is the most precious thing in the world. I have always wanted to protect you.”

“I feel the same, Luciel,” I told him, “I have always appreciated how much you look out for me and everyone in RFA. You always are there for me when I need a laugh. When Jumin is away on business, you always come over to watch B-rated films and dance to cheesy pop songs with me. It’s my favorite. Luciel, what is wrong?”

He took a deep breath and confessed, “The person who led you into our lives, Unknown, is actually my brother. I found this not too long after you and Jumin got engaged. I was never able to reach out to him. It was too dangerous. He was too far deep into Mint Eye and all the secrets the cult holds. I was advised to let it go and get on with my life. I have been able to push my fears aside for years. Then, you got pregnant, and the wound opened up again. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that I have started to feel paranoid for your child. If Unknown, my brother, was once interested in you, what is to stop him from coming after you or your child?”

I stepped away from Luciel and pulled my hand away. I wrapped my arms around my stomach protectively. I knew that I was a threat to my child, but I could never imagine anyone else could want to purposefully wish to harm them. The named Unknown hadn’t been mentioned for nearly five years. Now, it was a threat once again.

“Why would you think this? Why would you say that?” I stammered.

“For reasons, I never found out very little about Mint Eye. They are a cult. Regrettably, with cults, you never know what they need to persist. If the leader found out you are having a baby, they might create some crazy ritual in need for a newborn,” Luciel told me. “I don’t want to say anything to Jumin! He will get the cage or something! I just need to come over while he is gone and install some extra security. Please? Allow me to do this?”

He was right. If Jumin knew about any of these things, he would freak out. He would bring me with him everywhere. He would have body guards in every room. Even the bathroom. It would be a mess. However, I would mention Luciel installing some extra security to make sure I was safe. He would enjoy the thought of that.

I reached out and pulled Luciel to me. I hugged him tightly. His body tensed at first, but he soon wrapped his arms around me. He relaxed into me. I could feel his breathing slow a bit.

“I promise I will protect you,” he told me. “You mean so much to me and our RFA family. Nothing will happen to you or your family.”

“Protect yourself too, Luciel,” I advised, “because my baby needs their protective, caring, eccentric Uncle Seven.”

As he clung to me, I could feel his breathing turn into a silent sob. I couldn’t figure out why this was affecting him so deeply. No matter what his secret reasoning was I knew I had to be there to support him. We were all he had, the members of the RFA, and if we didn’t hold him up, no one would.

“Mrs. Han,” the voice of a familiar guard came from behind me, “I am sorry to disturb you, but there is a woman named Jinju at the entrance. She doesn’t have an invitation, but she said that you would know who she is.”

“Yes, yes,” I said with a smile, “Please, bring her in to me. Luciel, can you do me a favor? I have a small room booked across the hall. Can you bring Jumin there for me in a few minutes?”

“Who is Jinju?” Luciel asked.

“His mother.”

Luciel looked horror, “You’re reintroducing Jumin and his mother? You are either the bravest person I have ever met, or the dumbest.”

I couldn’t argue with him. As Luciel walked away from me, leaving me alone in the hallway, I finally felt the fear from the situation setting in. This could go one of many ways. Jumin was always unpredictable when it came to emotional situations. He never handled them well. I was setting my husband up for a very painful experience. He would have never done this to me. Did this make me a bad wife?

“Hello, my dear.”

Jinju approached with security behind her. I bowed to her. She smiled and gave a slight bow back. Jinju walked closer to me and placed her hands on my stomach. She smiled as looked upon it lovingly.

“I remember this so fondly,” she told me, “and you have no idea how blessed a child can make you feel. Did you always want to have children?”

I began to lead her into the room as I spoke, “It was something we spoke about, but we weren’t exactly trying. I had been off birth control for a while, but we were told it would take a while. It didn’t take as long as we hoped.”

Jinju chuckled as she took a seat at one of the bare tables in the conference room, “Life will always catch you by surprise. Did this throw off any plans?”

“I’m just getting use to not being able to dance,” I told her. “I’m not one to stay still. I’m a busy body. I planned a whole party in a week with many guests. I am an over-achiever. So, for me to have to stop and relax for nearly six months, this is its own brand of torture.”

“Don’t let Jumin get a nanny,” she advised. “A baby is a lot of work, and it will keep you busy and occupied. If your house gets a little messy, it just means you are doing a good job. Keep your family just you, your husband, and your children. Don’t let strangers into it. Your children might get attached to the wrong people.”

There was knock on the door. My breath hitched in my throat. Jinju slowly stood again. It cracked open, and Luciel’s mass of red hair popped through the hole.

“Hey, does Jumin know about this?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Oops,” Saeyoung replied, face turning as red as his hair. “I might have said something, and his father may have been standing by.”

“Seven!” I exclaimed, “Are you kidding me? Where are they?”

“V may be slowing them down while I give you a warning,” he mumbled. “Hello, Mrs. Han! Pleasure to meet you! Bye!”

“Seven, I will pour your Dr. Pepper on your damn circuit board!” I shouted as the door closed behind him.

I peered over to check Jinju’s expression. Her whole face was shrouded in fear. I didn’t expect anything else. Not only was she facing the son she walked out on, but also the husband she left behind. I could see her eyes searching around the room for an escape.

“Jinju, we’re going to face this,” I told her. “I refuse to let my child grow up without a grandmother if I can prevent it. We are here for a reason. Please, don’t run away from them again. They need answers, and you need to be heard.”

The door was thrown open by Chairman Han with Jumin and V following close behind. Jumin’s cold eyes landed on me. I hadn’t gotten a look that icy since I went out drinking alone with Zen before our wedding. Mr. Han was red in the face. His eyes were tiny and narrowed on Jinju. In the midst of it, V placed his hand on Jumin’s shoulder. He whispered something in his ear which caused Jumin to relax.

I could see Jumin taking a deep breath. He paced over to me and placed his hands on my stomach. He looked down at me. I could see the struggle in his expression. He was scared and angry. There was too much going on. I leaned up and kissed his cheek to try to calm him. He returned my affection with a kiss on my forehead.

“Why?” he asked.

“I didn’t mean for it to go down like this,” I told him. “I wanted it to be just you and your mother.”

“So you were going behind my back!” Mr. Han shouted. “This is why you can never fully trust a woman, Jumin! You never know what they are planning like leaving you and your child behind.”

“Mr. Han,” I cautioned, “do not ever speak about me like that. Whatever you have been through in your life is what happened to you. You do not need to push your insecurities off on your son. This is why we are here in the first place.”

Chairman Han and I had always been in a good place because we were respectful people. However, we were also both wittingly stubborn. There had only been a couple moments in the past five years where we had butted heads. 

The first and most severe was the “Pre-Nuptial Problem” where he had gone on a passionate speech about how I needed to sign one because I could take all the company since all women were conniving and hunger for power and money. I was forced to remind him that I was not one of his many affairs, and he needed to treat me with respect as a human, not as his corrupted views of women. 

Jumin was horrified that we would not make up before the wedding, but we had come to terms that we both love Jumin more than our prides. I was willing to sign a Pre-Nup that Jumin and I had created and come to terms with, but as we were about to sign, Jumin decided that he didn’t want that. He trusted me to no leave him, and he didn’t want a backup because he didn’t believe this ‘what if’ would happen.

“She is a remarkable woman,” Jinju said, looking at Jumin, “and you are lucky to have someone so fearless and loyal. She’s going to be an amazing mother to your children.”

“What do you know about being a mother?” Chairman Han barked.

Jinju glared at him, “What would you let me know about being a mother? You hired a strange woman to take care of our son. You kept me out of the house constantly. I was never able to bond with him. He was as much of a stranger to me as I was to him!”

“You never gave me a chance, mother,” Jumin spoke up, holding on to me.

The attention in the room shifted to him. Even V turned his head in his direction. Jumin wasn’t afraid of speaking his mind. He didn’t care about the opinions of others. I admired him for this. The fearless way he spoke always sent chills down my spine.

“I was a baby. I needed taken care of, and the nanny was that person. I understand the situation was not one that you favored now, but how was I to know that then? You left before I could comprehend the situation, and you never explained it to me,” Jumin told her.

“Jumin, it was deeper than that,” Jinju defended. “I just wanted help. No, I needed it. If I would have stayed, we wouldn’t have made it this far. I feared that I wouldn’t make it to see you hit puberty.”

“You still didn’t,” Jumin remarked.

I placed my hand on his hand, “My love, try to be more empathetic to the situation. If she would have stayed, she wouldn’t be around to explain how she felt to you. After the loss of someone you loved, I think you understand that you can never get that person back.”

Jumin looked at V and pleaded, “Help me, my dear friend. I don’t know what to do.”

V paused for a moment before speaking cautiously, “Mrs. Han, it is a pleasure to reacquaint with you again, especially as such a monumental occasion as the gender reveal of your grandchild.”

“You grew into a very handsome man, Jihyun. I am very happy to hear and see that you are still there to support Jumin,” she replied.

“However,” he interjected, “you cannot expect Jumin or your ex-husband to just accept you as graciously as your daughter-in-law has. You have never hurt her. She didn’t help throw away the nearly endless supply of empty liquor bottles your ex-husband left lying around for years after you left so the maid couldn’t spread gossip. She didn’t have to watch your son stare in awe at every compassionate mother in a television show to the point he stopped watching programs. She has felt the repercussions of your departure, but she was not involved in the initial scarring of two men.”

The room went quiet. V always had a way with speaking. He was far more wary that Jumin about hurting people. This time, he didn’t hold back. His brow was furrowed. His gaze was pointed towards the floor. V was normally the sweetest person on the planet, but right now, his second family was under attack, and he was just as hurt.

“Why did you bring me here?” Jinju asked, turning her attention to me. “I never asked for this. I was happy living a life of solitude. All because you got curious, I have to suffer knowing my son hates me.”

“I never meant—”

“I don’t hate you,” Jumin roughly intoned, “because I don’t know you to hate you. Every action we make as humans is merely a reaction to something someone or something has done. The only probably I have with you is that you are looking to blame everyone for your problems. Mother, I understand how Father was to you. Instead of sticking to your vows and fighting for freedom or for your child, you chose to focus on yourself. In your perspective, you are a victim, but my perspective is different.”

“How do you see me, Jumin?” Jinju asked.

“That doesn’t matter because you will twist my words and make me a villain in your story,” he chided. “There is only one thing that matters here, and the only reason why I even entertained walking into this room. My wife has asked this of me. She wanted me to work on forgiving you. I thought I was so angry at you, but now, I just feel sorry for you.”

“Jumin…” I tried to stop him, but he was lost in his own emotions again. He spit venom. He spit words he could never take back, but he needed to make his peace.

“Mother, if you would have tried to come back, did you really think I would have denied you? Especially as an adult? Do you think that lowly of me?” Jumin asked desperately.

Jinju looked to Chairman Han, “Your father told me he would sue me for every penny I had if I ever came near you again.”

“And you believed I would let him do that? That’s is the problem. You don’t know me,” Jumin said. “V spoke of my wife as a stranger to the situation, but he failed to mention that you are also a stranger. You weren’t there to pick up the empty bottles. You weren’t there to make me lunch after school like the mothers on television. You weren’t there when V’s fiancé and my dear friend departed from this world. You weren’t there two years later when I proposed to the most passionate, considerate human that has ever graced me with her presence.”

“I feel like this gathering needs to come to a conclusion soon,” V stated to Jumin, “because even though I can’t see her, I know your wife is stressing out. I can hear her tapping her foot. It isn’t good for her condition.”

Jumin looked at me. I bit my lip. V always knew everything. This was why I trusted him to be our photographer. He didn’t need to see to know our expressions. He was amazing.

“Father, Mother,” Jumin said patiently, “both of you are to blame for what has happened. Neither of you handled this situation like adults, spouses, or parents. Mother, as of right now, I don’t think it is wise for us to spend much time together, but if you and my wife still wish to get to know each other, I will not stop it. You two seem to have a bond that I cannot comprehend. Father, for many reasons, you and I cannot cut ties, nor do I want to, but I feel like I need to speak my mind freely at this moment. I wish to say that if I ever become a father like you have been, I will probably end up being like my mother. I would rather leave my children alone and in pain than have them believe I love other women and paperwork and money more than them or their mother.”

“So, you can say these awful things to your parents but not to your nosy wife for getting into business that was not for?” Chairman Han huffed, glaring in my direction.

“Did you just say that this isn’t my business?” I retaliated, “This is every part of my business. Jinju is the grandmother to my child. She is the mother of my husband. She is my family. You hide her away like your long list of prostitutes!”

“How dare you!”

“No, Mr. Han, how dare you,” I snarled. “You lied to your son! You turned the light negatively on her. You made yourself look equally like a victim. She left for a reason. While Jumin cannot cut you out of his life, I can, and I will. Until either of you can learn to speak to me or my husband like we are adults, and not stupid children, you are not allowed near our child.”

“You can’t keep—”

“I asked Jinju here to meet and talk to Jumin, and things went completely south,” I retorted to the protest. “This was not meant to be an attack on anyone. This was meant to be a peaceful conversation, but it turned into war. Now, Jumin and I are about to go into that room, rub elbows with guests, and V is going to take the most beautiful gender reveal shot in history. However, neither of you will be allowed to see that until it is printed in magazines because I am having you both escorted off the property. Nothing will ruin this day for our family.”

I walked to the door, and Jumin followed closely behind me. V said a polite farewell to the elder Hans before the three of us walked outside. Jumin asked the security to escort his father and Jinju off the property. 

Meanwhile, I walked down the hall a bit and into another empty room. I found a chair. My legs were shaking, and I was feeling sickly. V followed close behind me. He sat in a chair next to me. He rubbed my shoulders.

“I want you to be our baby’s godfather,” I blurted out.

“What?” V questioned.

“I haven’t really talked it over with Jumin, but I know he won’t argue with me,” I told V. “I can’t imagine anyone else raising our child if we were to die. Plus, if you were to outlive Jumin, I would want you to have a part of him to keep with you.”

“I don’t know what to say,” V mumbled.

“Say yes,” Jumin said, announcing his presence in the room.

He knelt down in front of me and kissed my stomach before kissing my hands. He had loosened his tie and a button on his shirt. It was a look he normally supported when he came home stressed from work. It was how I knew to draw us a warm bath so we could sit and talk. It had been one of those days without a doubt.

“I can’t even see,” V retaliated.

“Stop using that as an excuse,” Jumin huffed. “It will not affect your ability to be a good godfather to our child. My wife is right. You are the only sensible choice. You are not only my best friend, practically brother, but you are also my wife’s.”

“Actually, Zen is my best friend, and he might burst through the door in a fit of arrogance if I don’t object and correct that statement,” I announced.

The tension broke. Jumin cracked a smile at the idea of a flustered Zen slamming through the door. V snorted a chuckle, trying to keep a straight face. I ended up just laughing out loud. The three of us had been through hell and back in the past fifteen or twenty minutes. Yet, here we were, laughing. 

“V, I am so sorry that Rika couldn’t be here with us,” I said to him, “and I know that we wouldn’t even be here if she was. I would have never been introduced to Jumin without a world of craziness.”

“I don’t believe that,” V said calmly. “I like to believe that you and Rika would have met somehow. Even something as simple as bumping into each other at a coffee shop and complimenting the other’s outfit. I think you two would have hit it off. She would come home, talking about a girl she met who would be perfect to talk to Jumin. We would double date to a wine tasting.”

“That does sound nice,” Jumin sighed.

“Can we be a family?” I asked them. “I mean, I want us to be our baby’s parents. I want our child to have our characteristics. I want them to learn from V to be like Rika as well. Can we please?”

“Yes,” V decided. “I will accept this request to be the godfather. You are my family. Jumin and I are closer to each other than anyone we actually share blood with. My dear friend, I never meant to hurt your feelings in there by calling you a stranger to Mrs. Han. You have been there for Jumin and myself in so many ways, and even the other members of RFA. You were a stranger to our pasts, but you are the queen in our futures.”

“I knew what you were doing,” I replied, “but I will admit that it did hurt a bit. Mostly that you had to go through that with them. You are such a brave and kind soul.”

There was a knock on the door, and Zen popped in, complaining, “I don’t know why Seven couldn’t have just gone to look for you! He knew where you were! What is even going on in here? Are you three sneaking off to bond without me?”

The three of us started laughing. We needed this. I stood up from the chair, and I hugged Zen. He quieted as he hugged me back.

“I’m sorry,” I told him. “You have always understood and supported me, and I take you for granted, Zen. I take advantage of those feelings you have on accident. I never want to actually let go of you.”

“We’ll get through this. Pregnancy is rough, but I am going to be there for you every step of the way if I am allowed,” Zen commented.

“I’ll allow it,” Jumin replied, “because my wife deserves the family she wants. If that includes you, I will more than happily accept. You just have to accept me as well.”

The door opened again. This time Jaehee and Yoosung stood behind it.

“Mr. and Mrs. Han, you are going to be late for the big reveal!” Jaehee exclaimed as she walked through the door.

Yoosung laughed, “We’ve been looking up and down the hall for you guys for a while now. We thought Zen got distracted by having a cigarette or something!”

Zen pulled away from me and wrapped his arm around Jaehee’s shoulders. Her face lit up bright red. She looked up at him and gave him a little smile as she pushed her glasses up. Yoosung walked over to me and started to talk to my baby about how it was going to be so loved and special. I appreciated Yoosung more than I could ever imagine. His pure heart made all the complex feelings wash away. I ran my fingers through his blond locks and beamed down at him.

Luciel knocked on the open door. He looked sheepishly at us.

“We’re not mad at you,” I said. “It was an accident.”

He sighed as he strolled on into the world, “I was afraid that I would never get to see Elly become a big sister.”

The thought of a Ellly being a sister brought the idea of family around again. It was at this moment I realized that this was my family. These were the people I went through the effort to reveal my pregnancy to. These were the people I wanted in the waiting room at the hospital. These were the people I wanted next to me at the christening. These were the people I wanted at my child’s graduation.

“This is our family,” I announced, “and in one way or another, we all come from some sort of dysfunction. I know this isn’t perfect, but this is our little form of paradise. We are brothers and sisters. We have come together in one way or another, and there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you guys. I know people are paying big money to see the gender reveal in there, but I want to find out first with the people I know actually care. So, Jumin, if you are okay with this, I want Jaehee to tell us what we’re having with just the seven of us.”

“Lucky number Seven,” Luciel chimed with a smirk.

Jumin nodded, “Please, Assistant— Jaehee, tell us.”

She smiled as she replied, “Congratulations on your princess.”

We spent another fifteen minutes in that room together. We all hugged and cheered at the news. Zen and Jumin respectfully shook hands. Luciel and I talked about how we needed to get together all sorts of dress up outfits for her. Jaehee told me that we could go shopping for cribs soon. Yoosung was excited about getting her all of his favorite books as a child. V commented how much Elizabeth would adore a baby sister. 

We were fetched by security who explained that the guests were getting anxious about the lack of our presence. The seven of us made our way into the room. We situated our self on the stage. V got ready at marking points for the moment. Our friends stood around us with hand-held confetti cannons. At the count of three, they pulled the trigger. Pink confetti showered down upon us. Everyone in the crowd cheered.

It was true that I missed my parents. I thought grandparents mattered. I went through all this trouble to make my family whole. In this moment, I truly understood what family was. It was the people you were excited to share news with, who supported you even when you made a mistake, and those who just wanted to see you happy. I only knew my perfect family for five years, but I knew my daughter would be part of it for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t know hate, rejection, or greed. She would only know love, acceptance, and charity.

She was going to be perfect.


	6. Chapter 6

“Alright, this one is the important room. It is going to be the princess’s room.”

I led Luciel and Yoosung into a bedroom we had cleaned out in the penthouse. It had been a guest room originally, but this was the closest room to ours for our daughter to sleep in. The furniture had been moved out. There were paint tester strips pinned to the walls and basic blinds covering the window. Other than that, the room was bare.

“I think this room is bigger than my dorm was,” Yoosung muttered under his breath as he looked around.

Everyone knew that Luciel was coming over to install security. I raised the point that I could go into labor at any time when I hit my third trimester. I wanted someone watching over me. Jumin agreed as long as he was able to stream the camera footage on his devices as well. It was big project, and Luciel wanted to knock it out quickly so he hired Yoosung to be his assistance.

Luciel went to work, drilling in the camera. While Yoosung held on to his ladder, he looked around at the empty room.

“So, have you two decided on a color or a theme?” Yoosung asked.

I nodded, “We decided to go with a pastel purple. Pink is the traditional color, but that is Elizabeth’s preferred color. Our princess definitely deserves her own color. This is the one we chose.”

Yoosung looked at the color I pointed to, “So, when are you going to paint it?”

“Jumin wants to hire decorators,” I informed him.

Yoosung gasped, almost letting go of the ladder, “No! You have to do this together! We have to do it by hand! It is, like, baby tradition! All the people on television decorate their baby’s room together!”

I laughed, “You know that television isn’t always real, right?”

Yoosung huffed, “Come on! It’ll be fun! We can get a head start before Jumin gets home. Seven! What do you think?”

“Can I paint a fairy cat on the wall?”

I thought about it. I wanted their marks in this room. I wanted my beautiful daughter to see the designs on her walls and associate it with her family. It made me smile. 

“Okay, here is the plan,” I declared as Seven finished drilling in the camera and climbed down. “You two go get the paints and supplies. Enough for everyone, okay? Get enough of this paint for the entire room. Then, I want you to get various paints and brushes for everyone to use. We’re going to have a paint party.”

The three of us put our hands in and chanted for a minute before breaking apart. I gave them my credit card before they ran off on their quest. Meanwhile, I got out my phone and began to call the other four missing members of our family.

“Hey, babe. I’m at rehearsal. What’s up? Are you okay?”

“Zenny, get your ass over to my place.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your ass. My place. Please? I know you really take skipping rehearsal seriously, but we’re doing baby stuff, and I need you to be here.”

Zen sighed over the phone, “I will talk to my coach. What are we doing?”

“Decorating the nursery,” I told him, “and we all have to be here. Everyone is going to do something. They are going to make their signature on the wall. It’s going to be amazing. Please will you come?”

“I will be there as soon as possible. Just for you and the princess, okay? Can you keep the furball locked up?” he asked cautiously.

I pondered on it before answering, “Well, we would hate for her to get paint in her hair so it might be best if we keep her out of it for now. Plus, the smell of the wet paint might not be good for her.”

“You’re the best.”

With farewells and declarations of love for one another, Zen and I hung up the phone. I knew he would get out of rehearsals for something like this. Especially with the promise of Elizabeth being put away. Zen was the most reliable person I knew of. He would always be there for me.

With the first call over, I made my second call.

“Hello, my dear.”

“V, are you home?”

He sighed, “Unfortunately, yes. I have been reading a new book. It is quite intriguing, but it isn’t exactly what I was hoping to do today.”

“How does spending an afternoon with your friends sound?” I asked him, feeling Elizabeth stretch up my leg.

He chuckled a bit, “It seems to me like you already have a plan in mind.”

“I am sending a driver to get you, V,” I told him, struggling around my stomach to pick up Elizabeth, “because Jumin, myself, and the princess want you here to spend this time with us.”

“Who else will be there?” V curiously questioned.

“Yoosung and Luciel are already here, but went to run an errand,” I informed him, resting Elizabeth on my stomach and holding her in place with my free hand, “and Zen is getting out of rehersals soon. I don’t know how soon Jumin and Jaehee will be here because I haven’t called them yet, but as soon as possible, I suspect.”

“You are quite the party organizer,” V complimented. “I would be honored to be one of your guests.”

“I’ll see you soon, V,” I told him as I hung up the phone.

A long time ago, V allowed me to become part of the RFA to take over the position as party organizer. I was a master at convincing people to come to all the parties we were hosting. There was a certain charisma level that it took. Out of all the members before, I was the only one able to do this after Rika. 

It was always flattering when it was pointed out that I was doing my job well. It meant that I was filling the void left by Rika. She had meant so much to them. I always felt like Yoosung still looked at me as her. Sometimes, I felt when V hugged me that he would linger a little longer in hopes to feel her warmth again. It had been almost eight years since Rika killed herself, and she still lingered within the RFA as if it were merely a couple months ago.

Holding Elizabeth in one hand and my phone in the other, I managed to send a short text to Jumin, asking him to call me when he was available. I didn’t want to interrupt a meeting. I walked into the bedroom dedicated to Elizabeth. It was a small room, but it was decorated in pink with cat towers and toys everywhere. I placed her on the top of her tree. As I turned to leave the room, a photo caught my eye.

Next to our wedding pictures with Elizabeth, there was the photo from the day Rika gave Elizabeth to Jumin. I stopped to look at it, taking it off the wall as I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me.

It was just a photo, I knew that, but in this moment, it felt like something so much more. I could feel the warmth in Rika’s glowing green eyes. They radiated the kindness and love in her heart that I knew she had from all the stories I heard. Before her passing, Jumin told me that he and Rika once wondered what their lives would have been like if she had chosen him instead of V. Instead of giving herself to him, Rika gave Jumin a cat to love. She was so caring and generous. It almost felt like her deepest fault.

Rika’s life ended tragically and so suddenly. Unfortunately, without her death, I would never be here. Without her, my whole world wouldn’t even exist. I wish I could hate her for how she just destroyed their lives with her selfish act, but I couldn’t. I owed my entire happiness to her. I wouldn’t be standing here without her.

I choked on a sob. I dropped the picture to the floor as I covered my face. I rested my back against the door as my tears continued to cascade from my eyes. I couldn’t stop my sobs. I was awful at controlling my hormone changes. I slide down the door to sit on the floor. I was falling apart, and I knew I wouldn’t get myself together before Yoosung and Luciel came back.

“Hey, we’re back!”

“What’s that—Oh shit! Are you okay?”

The two ran over to me as fast as they could. I heard Luciel warn Yoosung about the glass on the floor. I broke the frame. Jumin was going to be upset. He loved that photo. That just made me sob harder. Luciel wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him for some form of comfort.

“What’s wrong? What’s going on? Are you in pain? Talk to me,” he pleaded with fear in his voice.

“I’m not Rika,” I told them through my tears. “I’ll never be Rika. She was perfect. She made all this. I’m just a replacement. I can’t be anything else to you guys. For years, I have felt like this. I felt like this sorry two-point-oh version. Not as good as the original, but hey, I seem to be lasting longer so I guess I’ll do!”

“Yeah, we miss Rika, and we always will,” Yoosung said, “and that just proves that you aren’t her replacement. You don’t take away that sting. It still hurts that she is gone.”

“What Yoosung is trying to say is that we don’t looked at you as the ‘New Rika’,” Luciel said. “You are your own person. Sure, you are kind like her and good at a previous job Rika had done, but that doesn’t make you the same person. The relationships we share with you are completely different, and we love that. We never needed a replacement or an upgrade. We needed you, a whole new system.”

“If Yoosung still misses her and so does V,” I sputtered, “what makes me believe that Jumin doesn’t miss her too? What if he thinks of me as her replacement?”

“Now, I am going to blame this outburst on your pregnancy,” Luciel laughed, “because you know better than anyone else that Jumin doesn’t not think of you as Rika.”

“Yeah!” Yoosung exclaimed, “Rika wasn’t ever going to love Jumin like you do. He was never going to treasure her like he does you. Trust me, you aren’t a filler for us while Rika is gone.”

Luciel kissed my forehead, “We love you for you. Yeah, we miss Rika, but we wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. Before I could speak again, we heard the door open.

“I left rehearsal early, Babe,” Zen called, as he turned the corner and saw us. “Holy Shit! Are you okay? Why did you two idiots let this happen!? Have you thrown up again? Are you in pain? Did your water break? Are we delivering the baby right here! Babe! I’m here for you!”

I started laughing. Through all my tears, I laughed. Zen was a beautiful human who just cared so much about me. He was the one I never doubted truly cared for me. While he loved Rika, he was the one who seemed the most distant from her besides Jaehee. Zen and I established our relationship without a threat of Rika to make me feel insecure. Since day one, he has been my best friend just because of who I am.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “I just lost a fight to my pregnancy brain. No worries. No worries at all.”

Zen helped me to my feet and pulled me into a hug. “Babe, you scared the shit out of me. Don’t do that again. I was ready to deliver a baby or something.”

Yoosung scampered off to find a way to pick up the glass. To his dismay, he couldn’t find the broom or dustpan. I explained that we normally had a maid come in. Luciel offered to call Vanderwood to do the job. On the handful of times I had met Vanderwood, I decided that they wouldn’t be too happy to come over just to sweep up some glass. However, Zen’s street smarts helped him find some supplies around the house to create a makeshift dustpan, and he was the dazzling hero as he cleaned up the mess.

My phone rang as I ushered Yoosung and Luciel into the nursery.

“Hi, Daddy,” I said as I put my phone on speaker.

“Did she and her father make up?” Yoosung asked Luciel.

“Kitten, is everything alright?”

At the sound of Jumin’s voice, Luciel broke into hysterical laughter as Yoosung turned bright red. Zen grumbled about hating that name as he helped move paint cans into the room.

“Is that Luciel and Zen in the background?”

“Yes, my love,” I said as I stood out of the way, “and Yoosung is here as well. V is on his way. All we are missing is you and Jaehee. Do you think the two of you could take the afternoon off and help us with a project for the baby?”

“What kind of project?” Jumin questioned.

“A pretty messy one, but it is going to require all of us,” I told him. “I know you wanted to hire professionals to do the nursery, but love, I think we should do it ourselves. It is a bonding thing. Everyone is coming over to help us. So, please?”

Jumin sighed, “Assistant Kang and I will be right over. See you in few minutes.”

He hung up, and I joined the others in getting the room together. We placed down covers over the carpet and taped it all down. We started pouring out and mixing all the paint. The light breeze blowing through the open window felt amazing. When V arrived, he entertained us with stories of his last trips abroad before his sight was completely gone. Jumin and Jaehee arrived soon after.

As Jumin chatted with V and the other, I took Jaehee to our bedroom to let her change into clothes she could get paint on. I had plenty of spare clothes that I wasn’t fitting in for the moment.

“The arrival date is coming soon,” Jaehee said as she started to unbutton her shirt. “How are you feeling?”

“Emotional,” I told her as pulled out a pair of old sweatpants and a t-shirt for her. “I am really starting to panic, in my head mostly, about Rika.”

“Rika?” she questioned as she slipped on the shirt.

I turned away from her to give her more privacy. I trusted Jaehee. She never once betrayed my trust in her. Even though Jumin signed her pay checks, she stayed with him mostly for me. She knew I needed her more than anything. I needed a girl in this testosterone driven environment. In many ways, she needed me too.

“She won’t be here for this big moment in the boys’ lives,” I told her. “I know that they will think of her during this time. They will wish she was here. They will want her guidance. She would know what to do. She could just smile at a baby and stop it from crying, I’m sure. She was so perfect. She deserved this more than I do.”

“Are you serious?” Jaehee’s surprised tone barely resounded over a whisper.

I nodded as I wiped the tears again and sat down the bed. Jaehee, fully dressed again the most causal I had ever seen her, sat next to me. She place her hand on top of mine. She wasn’t one for physical contact without permission or request so this was extremely comforting. She squeezed my hand slightly.

“Rika wasn’t as perfect as they say she was,” Jaehee quietly confessed. “I would never tarnish their memories or feelings towards her, and I never dared say this out loud before this moment. You need the truth that I know about Rika. Mr. Han doesn’t tend to notice the flaws in things he cares for so of course he would never see it, Yoosung idolized his cousin, Luciel owed so much to her, Zen was too focused on his career to notice anything about her, and V will keep her secrets to the grave.”

“What do you know?” I asked as thought back to that bright smile in the picture that I destroyed.

Jaehee took a deep breath, “It was after a party. We were taking everything down. I needed to find her to ask about where an auction prize was going. I accidentally walked in on her having a break down. V had been trying to calm her down, but she was absolutely manic in self-doubt and imperfection. She was pulling at her hair and sobbing. She was pushing at V who had just tried to stop her from hurting herself. He was going to send her home. I left before they could spot me. When V returned to the crowd, he said that she was feeling exhausted from all the planning and making sure everything went well tonight.”

“That doesn’t sound anything like the girl they talked about,” I commented, “but it explains why she would so suddenly decide to take her life. She was suffering in silence. It all must have felt like too much pressure to be…perfect.”

“Rika still tried to be a good person, but she had problems. The way they remember her as perfect is the way she wanted to be remembered,” Jaehee told me. “I was willing to keep that secret to my grave, but you needed to know the fault behind angel. No one is perfect. Rika was proof.”

“Thank you, Jaehee,” I said as I wiped my tears away again.

“I can’t promise you that they won’t miss her or think about her,” Jaehee told me, “but no one is going to think that she could handle these situations better than you could. Don’t doubt how amazing you are just because they give a compliment to someone else. Rika was good, but you are good too. You are the mother to Jumin Han’s child, and that is something that Rika was never going to be.”

Zen knocked the door and asked if we were going to join them soon. I finished our conversation and headed out the join the others. We spent a couple hours painting a few layers of the pastel purple paint on the walls. Jaehee and I helped put Zen’s hair into a bun to avoid getting as much paint in it as possible. Jumin took off his tie and jacket, rolled up his sleeves, and refused to put in any less work than Zen. Yoosung and Luciel started a paint war between each other. Well, Seven put the paint brush near the side of Yoosung’s face and tricked him into turning his head. After that, one would paint on the other every time they were too distracted to notice. Jaehee and I brought in fans to help the drying process. We offered V a paint brush a blank page, but he nervously declined. He claimed he came to enjoy everyone’s joy instead of blindly make marks on the wall.

After the final layer was on, we took a break for food. Yoosung and Jaehee ran out and gained a bunch of bento boxes. Jumin announced that he could have ordered better qualities of food to be made for us by professionals. Zen reminded him that this was about being normal, not rich and obnoxious. We all hand a good time enjoying a meal together with no pressure of a party. We all talked about our lives and made jokes. It was a good time.

After that, we went back to the nursery. Yoosung and I passed out pallets and brushes to everyone. We moved the various colors of paints to the middle of the room.

“I want everyone here to put their mark on the walls,” I instructed them. “Our princess wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of you coming into my life. You are all important to her. I want her to be able to look around the room and see reminders every day of the seven people who love her the most. It doesn’t matter if you have artistic talent. It will be beautiful to her, and to me.”

Everyone went to work, but V stood there awkwardly with the pallet in his hand. I walked over to him and took it from him. I put all the basic colors on the pallet and brought it back over to him. I led him over the wall. I placed the brush in his hand.

“I know you mean well, but I can’t see,” V told me, “and I feel like it would just be a disaster.”

“Nonsense,” I told him. “Your lack of sight will never hold you back, V. You are holding you back. I know you. You are an artist. You have this beautiful vision already in your head. You need to grasp it. You mean so much more to this family than you will ever give yourself credit for. You are going to be her godparent. A second father to her. With Jumin’s strict mind for business and my physical dance career, she is going to need someone to help her express herself though the arts. She needs you. She needs you on this wall to show her all things are possible if you can see it in your mind.”

“How can I be a good parent of any sort with a disability?” V muttered with disdain.

“By being yourself and listening to her and seeing her for who she is,” I told him quietly. “She’s going to look up to you no matter what you feel about yourself. She is going to look at you like a hero because, to Jumin and I, you are. We love you. You have saved us both several times in various ways. Not having an ability see or hear or talk does not have an effect on who you are.”

Through his sunglasses, I was pretty sure I could see tears in his eyes, but I was not about to comment on that out loud. The whole group knew that V had insecurities about his sight, but to see him cry, that would cause and uproar. 

“So, which colors are where on this thing,” he said with forced smile.

I instructed him on his colors and went to work on my own project on the other side of Jumin. When V needed more paint, he asked Jumin if he could assist him. Luciel was hard at work on his fairy cat while Zen said it was giving him allergies from across the room. Jaehee and Zen discussed his next play while they painted next to each other. Yoosung and Luciel still continued their paint war.

When everyone was finishing up, I went to a corner that hadn’t been used. I painted a rainbow with seven different colored arches. Was it the best looking rainbow? No. Not in the slightest. I left the room for a moment to go get a permanent marker. I instructed everyone to write their names on each of the curves so we all had a marking there together. Rainbows were a sign of a promise. Our signatures meant we were staying together for the family.

After the day was done, everyone went their own ways. Jumin and I closed the door so Elizabeth wouldn’t get into the paints before we could dispose of them. We took a shower and talked about our days up until the painting. The chef brought us dinner that was up to Jumin’s quality. We put an old movie on the television while talking about the day again.

“What you said to V,” Jumin stated, “was beautiful. I couldn’t have said it better. He would have never agreed if I would have spoken to him. I love you, and I am so happy to have you as the mother of my child. I don’t want you to ever feel like I would ever want to have anyone else in your position.”

“Luciel and Yoosung told you want happened?” I asked with a sigh.

“Luciel was concerned about your well-being, and he wanted me to be aware that you were feeling a bit depressed lately,” he confessed.

I nodded, “I appreciate him caring. I never told him not to. I was having a moment of weakness.”

“I never thought of having a child or a family in general with Rika,” he told me. “I wanted her, that is true. I loved her. I never saw anything past the possibility of having her as mine. With you, I can see a limitless future. Anything is possible. That is how I concluded that you are my soulmate.”

After the movie finished, Jumin went to bed. However, I stayed up longer. I wasn’t tired. Pregnancy was destroying myself pattern. I had too much energy since I wasn’t dancing. Plus, I randomly took naps all the time without trying. Pregnancy isn’t for the weak of heart.

I hadn’t realized I fell asleep on the couch until I was I awoken by a crash in the baby room. We had left the window opened so I figured a strong breeze had blown over a paint canister. I knew I needed to clean it up. I looked up at the couch. It was fourteen past one in the morning. It was far too late for all this. Jumin had to be up in a couple hours. I needed to do this without disturbing him.

I opened the door and quickly shut it softly behind me so Elizabeth wouldn’t wander in and roll in the paint. As I turned the light on and turned around to see the mess, I noticed that nothing was spilled on the floor, but there were now brushes in the reopened buckets. I looked up to see a pretty blonde figure in the window way.

“Years ago, I sent my most trusted follower to abduct you after seeing how perfect you were,” her voice was calm but cold. “I wanted you to be part of us, but you joined them instead. Now, you are going to have a child? I can’t allow that. Not with him as part of your lives.”

“R-Rika?”

Her lips curled as she whispered, “It is nice to finally meet my replacement. Thank you so much for filling the void I left in their lives. You have performed beautifully, but I am going to have to end that.”

“Why? What are you going to do?”

I knew I should have yelled for Jumin. Common sense told me that. Yet, this all felt like a fever dream. Even if it was real, I was afraid to make a sudden move. What if she had a gun? Would she shoot me? Or would she shoot Jumin? Or both? I wasn’t about to risk the lives of my husband or my child.

She walked closer to me. The way her hair bounced and her hips swayed with hypnotic. None of this seemed real. It all seemed like a bad dream. They had a funeral. She was supposed to be dead.

It all became real when she physically pushed me against the door and pressed a cloth to my mouth. I tried to fight, but the world was becoming blurry.

How did she know about this? What was she doing? Who let her know how to get here? How did she get in? Who was with her? She couldn’t have acted alone.

I only heard one last thing before everything went dark.

“I am going to take you to paradise, Mrs. Han.”  



	7. Chapter 7

“Elizabeth? What is upsetting you?”

Jumin had been woken up by Elizabeth making distressed sounds. In a very unusual fashion, he found her scratching at the door of the nursery. There were marks in the door. Jumin had never seen his angel so upset. He immediately opened the door. She rushed in and immediately began searching around the room. 

Jumin looked around as well. He was disturbed by the open paint cans. He quietly blamed Zen for being so reckless. Then, he noticed the dripping across the plastic on the floor. It seem fresh. It hadn’t dried like the rest. He looked up at the wall.

His hand clasped around his mouth. He knew Rika’s handwriting. Even if it was painting, it was still perfection. It was identical to her signature in the last note he had left her. 

Jumin backed out of the room. He began screaming for his wife. He made is way to the living room. The blanket she had been covered up with was sitting on the couch. The television was still on. It was as if she disappeared. Even though he knew she wasn’t in the house, Jumin kept yelling for her.

There was frantic knocking on the door. Jumin nearly tripped over the coffee table to get to the door. He pulled it open. He was quite upset that it wasn’t his wife who had just gone for a walk and forgotten her key again. Instead, it was Luciel.

“Where is she?”

“Jumin, I need you to call V. He will answer for you. I need you to tell him that Mint Eye has your wife, and it is time for everyone to know his truth. Send someone to pick him up. I already have Vanderwood collecting Yoosung, Zen, and Jaehee.”

Luciel went into the living room and sat on the couch with his laptop. Jumin wanted to ask question, but he knew that his task was more important. Questions wouldn’t bring his wife and daughter back to him. Finding out the truth would. 

“Jumin, what time is it?”

“V, Mint Eye has my wife and child. It is time for you to reveal the truth.”

“Excuse me?”

“Rika’s been in my home, V. I need answers to find my wife.”

“Jumin…”

“Explain it when you get here. Driver Kim is on his way.”

“I am sorry, my old friend.”

“I am, too.”

Jumin sat down next to Luciel on the couch. He watched Luciel’s fingers at work. They moved so fast that they seemed to be a blur. Maybe it was his whole mind that was a blur. Elizabeth jumped into his lap. She anxiously mewed at him. Jumin softly stroked her in a feeble attempt to calm her down.

“Luciel, is she in danger?”

“Yes.”

Jumin felt the tears in his eyes. He was not one who expressed their emotions. Especially sadness. He was normally a rock in front of people. Without his wife, he felt so hopeless. He felt absolutely helpless. She was scared. All he could do was rely on the help of his friends to save his wife.

He lost track of time before Jaehee, Zen, and Yoosung arrived with the elusive Vanderwood. Immediately, Luciel began calling out for commands to send out alerts for her whereabouts. Jaehee called in to local new stations. Zen sent out a live video to all of his followers on all social media platforms. Yoosung became sending out notifications through his university and other school networking platforms. Jumin updated his security staff and his father.

Within another fifteen minutes, Driver Kim escorted V into the room. Even through his sunglasses, Jumin could see the distress and guilt in his expression. His eyes couldn’t see, but the they left a lot to be revealed. Jumin led him over to the couch and had him sit down. 

“Tell them, now,” Luciel growled without looking up from his screen.

V inhaled deeply. “I loved her unconditionally, but Rika had a lot of conditions. She was not healthy. She had a lot of insecurities and mental troubles. I tried to help her, but she didn’t want my help. Instead, she conducted this whole concept of Paradise, and she created an organization she called Mint Eye. I knew how much she meant to all of you and how convincing she could be. So, I told everyone that she had died rather than give her a chance to persuade any of you.”

“That was our choice, V,” Zen spoke sternly but evenly. “Do you really think so little of us?”

“No,” V told him, “but I also know how she doesn’t take rejection well. I was more afraid of her than I was for you.”

“So, she is alive? She’s safe? She’s okay?” Yoosung asked, voice cracking.

V sighed, “She’s alive and safe, but she is far from okay. She is not the person you remember. I think that person is still buried deep inside of her, but I—”

“That is not same Rika,” Jumin commented. “Rika would never take my wife or unborn child. She wouldn’t put them in harm’s way like this. This is not our Rika. This is a monster.”

“Don’t call her that!” Yoosung yelled.

“Calm down, please,” Jaehee begged.

“No! We couldn’t have saved her! We could have helped her, but V never gave us a chance! This is his fault!” Yoosung yelled through his tears. “I was right. Everyone made me feel like I was crazy, but I was right about Rika. It never felt like she was gone. I never believed she would be the type to kill herself! She is alive! She can be saved!”

“If she harms my wife or child, she won’t be alive for long.”

The tone in Jumin’s voice had silenced the room. Luciel’s fingers even stopped moving for a split second. No one in the room looked at each other. No one in this room doubted Jumin’s intention. The only question among them was who supported his decision. No one wanted to announce their allegiance to his claim this early on.

“Alright, alright,” Vanderwood broke the silence, “I need all of you just to take it down a notch. You’re talking about killing a person, for Christ’s sake! Not that I am against it, but it wouldn’t hurt to just calm down.”

Luciel spoke up, “V, I need you to come with Vanderwood and I back to my place. I can do better work from there. I want anyone to call me if they get any information on her. Let’s go.”

As Vanderwood opened the door, a girl stood on the other side, security guards on each side of her. Vanderwood moved out the way and asked if they were expecting anyone else. Everyone looked over to see the girl. She looked vaguely familiar, but no one could quite pin point where they had seen her.

“Please, I just want to find my sister,” she pleaded.

Jumin’s expression dropped. He knew her face now. He had seen it in pictures that were shoved in boxes and hidden away. She was younger than his wife. They had taken hundreds of pictures together. His wife had cried over her many nights.

“Why are you here? You didn’t care about her before,” Jumin warned.

“That’s not true! I never stopped loving my sister!” she yelled in panic. “I love her unconditionally! She is my sister! I was hurt when she chose to marry you. She never consulted me! She just disappeared for two weeks and ended up on headlines engaged to a millionaire. Even when Mom and Dad threatened to disown her, she chose you over me. It hurt me!”

The girl wiped the tears from her eyes. Zen was the first one to walk over to her and take her hands. He pulled her into the room with the rest of them.

“Do you really think she would want us to leave her sister out in the cold and in tears?” Zen asked. “Yoosung, can you get her cup of coffee? Jaehee, can you get tissues? Luciel, can you get a move on?”

Luciel nodded as he left with V and Vanderwood. Jumin welcomed her to their home and led her to the couch. Zen sat next to her.

“What is your name?” he asked her.

“Kyung Mi,” Jumin interrupted. “She is my wife’s younger sister by four years and two months. She used to dance like her, but she decided that she wanted to study cosmetology instead. She loves chocolate and strawberries, she has a love for hamsters, and is allergic to bees.”

The girl blinked and nodded, “How do you know all this?”

“You never stopped loving your sister, and she never stopped loving you,” Jumin said as she took a seat beside her. “She talked about you a lot. She told me all about you. There were night, especially recently, that she would cry because she missed you so much.

“I never meant to take her away from you, Kyung Mi,” Jumin told her. “I wanted your family to be apart of our family. I tried to reason with your parents, but they cut her off. Neither she nor I ever meant to hurt you. We never knew how to get in contact with you without your parents finding out or if you even wanted to talk to her again.”

“I appreciate your apologies, Jumin, but I really just want to make sure she is okay,” Kyung Mi replied.

“How did you hear about this happening?” Zen asked.

“I heard it twice,” she revealed. “I attend SKY. I saw a notice posted by Yoosung looking for the wife of Jumin Han. It made me nervous, but it is a college page. I thought maybe they were playing a super serious game of hide and seek or something. Then, I went on some social media pages that I follow you on, Zen, and saw your video looking for her. I knew I had to believe it then. So, I stalked this place down, and I came here.”

“How did you stalk me down?” Jumin questioned.

“Do you guys know Echo Girl?”

Kyung Mi’s appearance had brought a bit of relief to the situation. She was a distraction. She told stories about the group’s guest coordinator as a child. She had stories that even made Jumin laugh. She suggest small games to play to pass the time while they waited for Luciel to get back to them. She talked musicals and costumes with Zen and Jaehee. She talked about different professors with Yoosung. She talked about animals with Jumin. 

It had been seventeen hours. Zen had told his director that he was unable to come to practice until his friend was found. Jumin and Jaehee had his father taking over their work while they figured everything out. Yoosung had wrote e-mails to all his professors explaining the situation as best as he could. Kyung Mi rescheduled her clients around the recent events and offered them discounts for the inconvenience. Nothing was separating the RFA and their guest from the task at hand.

It was one in the morning. Jumin was still awake, glass of wine on the table and head in his hand. Yoosung had fallen asleep on top of his text books. Jaehee was slouched over in a chair, phone slowly slipping from her hand. Next to him on the couch, Kyung Mi and Zen snuggled up close to each other on the couch, her head resting on his shoulder and his head onto of her head.

Jumin felt his phone vibrate. He quickly pulled it from his pocket. The call was private. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe his love had escaped?

“Hello?”

“I missed your voice, Jumin.”

“Rika, please,” Jumin whispered.

He stood up carefully. He didn’t want to wake Zen or Kyung Mi. He didn’t want Yoosung to hear Rika’s voice and jump into the conversation. The only person he wouldn’t have minded hearing the conversation was Jaehee, but he couldn’t risk her disturbing the others. He made his was as silently as he could to the bedroom.

“I am so sorry things had to happen his way,” Rika apologized. “I will bring your wife to paradise first.”

“Please, rethink you actions,” Jumin pleaded. “Your actions not only hurt her and our child, but everyone in this RFA. All the people that cared about…still care about you. They will suffer if you hurt her, just like we suffered when you were taken away from us.”

“Don’t worry, Jumin. I will keep the baby. She will be raised as mine,” Rika told him. “I thinking of naming her So Young or Sung. I will raise her to be the next savior of Paradise. She will solely know of Magenta, beautiful Magenta.”

“She is my child!” Jumin snarled through gritted teeth. “You had your chance at happiness and a family, Rika. You had V, and he wanted the whole world with you. Instead, you chose to be selfish and take yourself away from him. Do not take my wife, my child, and my whole world away from me like you did to him!”

“I don’t like the way you are talking to me. You don’t have to be rude,” Rika pouted. “Please, don’t be like V. You were so much more mature than he ever was, Jumin. I missed that about you.”

“Rika, I am warning—”

Jumin was cut off by his door being pushed open. Kyung Mi stormed in, with Zen behind her, and knocked the phone out of Jumin’s hand. She grabbed it and put it on speakerphone.

“Listen here, bitch,” she snarled, “since these guys seem to think you aren’t some fucking psychopath, I’ll handle this the only way that it needs to be handled.”

“Who are you? Are you a friend of Zen? Or Yoosung? Or even Luciel?” Rika asked.

Her voice sent a chill down Zen’s spine. He had only heard it in his dreams. She had told him many things over the years, but none of it was the right advice. Due to that, he was able to believe quite easily that Rika was not a innocent or correct as everyone thought she was. His dreams gave away her intentions. It was all becoming too clear for him to cope with.

“I am your hostage’s sister,” she announced loudly. “I just need to tell you that you are psychopath, lady. You have these people wrapped around your pinky. You manipulate people with your kindness, you sick bastard.”

“Stop talking to her like that!” Yoosung yelled.

Zen grabbed him and held him back, “Yoosung, let her have a moment. I know it hurts, but Rika may need to heard this.”

“They believe in me because I promise them happiness,” Rika told her. 

“So why do you need my sister? Is it because she was about to bring them more happiness than you ever could?” Kyung Mi taunted. “She was about to have a baby. She was about to bring them a beautiful, healthy baby girl. You couldn’t give them that, could you? No, if you gave birth, it would be to a disturbed creature like yourself, wouldn’t it?”

“Shut up!” Rika screeched. “She will be sacrificed to find Paradise! I will show her true happiness! I will prove to everyone that I was right! You chose V, and all of you chose wrong!”

The phone line went silent. Kyung Mi threw the phone into the bed. She screamed in frustration. Jumin placed a hand on her shoulder. She leaned into him for support. This was his sister-in-law. He needed to know how to comfort her. If this was all she needed, Jumin figured that being an older brother might not be that hard.

Yoosung walked into the room, “Kyung Mi, you didn’t need to say all that to her…”

“I didn’t?” she turned and looked at him. “She has my sister!”

“She is my cousin, and I love her just as dearly as you love your sister,” Yoosung barked. “Don’t you think it would hurt you to hear someone talk to your sister like you talked to Rika?”

Jumin felt Kyung Mi flinch. She held her head high and nodded. “I’m sorry, Yoosung. I shouldn’t have been so crass. I should have respected how much you all care for her more.”

Zen’s phone began to rang. He picked it up quickly, “Seven? You got any good news? Uh huh…yeah? Amazing! Oh, that was Kyung Mi. You’ll have to meet her later. We’ll see you soon. Good luck to you, dear friend.”

He hung up the phone and looked at the group, “He was able to tap the phone call. With V’s information and area the call came from, he tracked her location. He has already commanded Jumin’s security to get there and lay low. He is on his way over now. He is grabbing Jumin and myself. He asked the rest of you stay here. Jaehee, you are to stay in touch with the security.”

Jumin smiled at Kyung Mi, “I’ll bring her back to you, and I promise, I will never take her away from you again. Thank you so much for coming.”

Jumin was terrified at the moment. He knew he needed to get his wife and child back. This was his nightmare. He as going to see Rika face-to-face. Depending on his wife’s condition, he had the full intention of ending her life. It was a terrifying feeling. Looking over at Zen, he could tell that he was feeling the same way. While Jumin always detested how close Zen was to his wife, he was actually happy to have him on his side in this moment. 

Zen and Jumin walked outside to wait for Luciel. Immediately outside of the building, Zen pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

“Please don’t tell your wife I did this,” Zen told him. “I told her I quit smoking when she got pregnant. I have been good, but I picked up this pack on the way here. I just can’t take it anymore.”

Jumin nodded, “Our secret.”

“Kyung Mi reminds me a lot of her,” Zen said. “She is spitfire. They share the same fiery spirit.”

Jumin nodded, “She always told me that she wanted to introduce you to her sister. She often said that being around you made the sting of not seeing Kyung Mi lessen. As much as I disproved of how close the two of you are, I appreciate you taking care of her.”

Zen nodded as he took a drag of his cigarette, “She’s my best friend. I never thought I could love someone like I love her. I understand she is your wife. I know I push that boundary and made some dumb decisions, but I only want her to be happy. I know that losing her family had always bothered her. I thought maybe if she were with me instead, I could get them back. I could give her the one thing that you couldn’t. I know it was stupid and selfish, but you know what it is like to be in love with her. Seeing her smile is so addicting—”

“And you would do anything to see it again,” Jumin finished. “I just pray we get to see it again.”

“Don’t talk like that. Negativity won’t help the situation,” Zen scolded.

“I am bracing myself for what my reality could be,” he said, “and I don’t know if I can ever go on without that smile. Zen, just promise me that you will protect that smile at all cost with me.”

“Of course.”

Before they could shake hands, a red blur came to a halt in front of them. When sitting still, the color formed into the shape of a car. The passenger seat window rolled down. Vanderwood sat in the shotgun position, computer on his lap and gun at his side. Luciel leaned down and told them to get in the car quickly because there was no time to waste.

“Are you trying to kill us? It isn’t safe to drive like that! We’re trying to arrive alive!” Zen exclaimed.

“Aren’t you the one who recklessly crashed his motorcycle during a temper tantrum?” Jumin interrogated.

“I can’t believe I just had a moment with you,” Zen scoffed, “arrogant trust fund kid.”

Luciel laughed, “Glad to see things are getting back to normal. Now, get it the back.”

Zen and Jumin squeezed into the tiny backseat of the car with V. Before they could even get their seatbelts on, Luciel was speeding down the road while Vanderwood shouted directions at them. They were speeding into the unknown with only fear and hope under their belts. No one in the backseat spoke a word to each other. There were no words anyone cared to exchanged that would be kind.

It took over an hour to arrive to the area. With each passing minute, Jumin grew even more anxious. He could feel the intensity around them. No one was ready to get out of the car when it stopped. 

Jumin looked out the window to see an elaborate building with beautiful flowers everywhere. There was a beautiful mint and black symbol in the shape of an eye on the building. Jumin couldn’t figure out how such a beautiful place could feel so intimidating. 

The five of them exited the car and stood outside the building.

“So, what do we do? Just go knock on the front door?” Zen asked, rhetorically. 

“You’re the funny one, aren’t you?” Vanderwood commented.

A figure in a magenta jacket walked out of the front door. He had a beautiful blue rose adorn on his chest. His white hair seemed to have a glisten of pink on the tips. He had shocking, unnatural looking mint eyes. He smiled brightly at the five of them.

Vanderwood instantly drew his gun, aiming it for the man.

“Please, lower your weapon. This is a safe place,” he spoke happily. “My savior has sent me to welcome you all to Paradise! You’re just in time for the show!”

“Saeran…”

“No! He is not here! There is no Saeran! I am Ray!” A madness broke out of the man who was just calm the second before. His eyes narrowed on Luciel. “But, perhaps, he will make an appearance tonight. Follow me. Our guest of honor is expecting you.”

“Can I shoot him?”

“No. No one touches him. Understood?” Luciel commanded.

“Why?” Vanderwood growled, holstering his weapon. “Are you in love?”

“He’s my brother, isn’t he, V?” Luciel asked.

V sighed, “Yes, he is. He has been under Rika’s control for far too long. I tried to save him. I really had. I was far too late. I fear that he hates me more than she does. He would never go with me.”

“You better hope he comes with us today, V,” Luciel warned.

“Enough, Luciel,” Jumin chided, “we don’t need to turn on V right now.”

Swallowing his fear, Jumin took the first step toward the building. He had to save his wife. He couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind while they were apart.


	8. Chapter 8

I lost track of time. I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that the sun had risen and set at least once. I wasn’t being tortured in a traditional aspect. They had me locked in a very nice bedroom on a third floor. Escaping through a window would have been plausible if I hadn’t been so far along in my pregnancy. They never treated me with hostility. Not in the slightest. If anything, everyone had been very hospitable.

Espeically Ray.

I knew who he was from the moment I laid eyes on him. His hair was not the same bright orange as Luciel nor were his eyes the same bright gold, but the shared an identical look: absolutely exhausted and in need six years of sleep. Ray smiled for me, and I was brought back to the first day I saw Luciel smile. It warmed my heart.

After I was settled in the room, Ray had come to see me. He talked to me about flowers. I encouraged him to keep me company. He told me about all of his favorites, and he even explained to me how much time he spent the garden. Then, we got on to the topic of foods and treats. We talked about ice cream and tea, our favorite snack food, things we would like to try, and our breakfast routines. I wanted to keep him with him.

I knew he wasn’t Luciel, but he was the closest thing I had to one of my family members with me. Ray never seemed to mind the fact that he stuck talking to me. Our conversations were interrupted by other members of Mint Eye coming to gathering him for meetings and preparations. We were both saddened when our time together was cut short.

Whenever Ray left, I began to panic. I feared for my life and the life of my princess. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw the distraught faces of the RFA. I saw them missing me. I saw them mourning me. It hurt me to see them like that even if it was just in my head.

The pain was causing me to get sick. I could feel pain in my abdomen. I was concerned for my baby. The pain was getting greater and greater with every tick of the clock. When Ray was gone, I sang to my baby. Sure, it wasn’t very beautiful or on key, but I wanted to comfort her in the best way I knew how.

“Hello! Here I am! I—Are you okay?!”

Ray walked in on me in a fit of pain. He caught me kneeling to the floor and clutching my stomach. I was crying. I couldn’t tell if it was out of fear, pain, or hormones. I was barely holding on to my reality. I needed to be saved. I needed to get out of this.

“Ray, when can we go?”

“You want to leave me?” he questioned.

“No, I want you to come with me,” I said, panting through the pain. “Ray, my baby is hurting.”

He looked at me anxiously, “I came here to take you to be cleansed, though. It is time! Now, you can stay here in Paradise with us…with me.”

This was my fear. Rika was waiting for this. She was waiting for me to be in pain. She was watching me from a camera somewhere. She knew that if she pushed me hard enough that my body would react to the stress. This was what she wanted. I fell into her trap.

“Is Paradise a hospital?” I mumbled sarcastically, “because that is where I really need to be.”

Ray shook his head, “No, it is better. You will be happy.”

“What would you make you happy, Ray?” I asked him in hope to procrastinate.

“You ask a lot of questions about me. Do you care about me?” Ray asked me.

I nodded, “Yes, I do. I think you are a very nice person.”

Then, I had a moment. I began to doubt that I would ever make it out of this alive. I began to drown in the realization that they could come too late for me. I started to choke on my tears, holding back sobs of fear and pain. I reached out and took Ray’s hand. He seemed scared, and I started to see a flicker in his eyes.

“Ray, please, promise me,” I told him through my tears, “if I make it to Paradise or if anything happens to me, take care of my baby. I want you to be there for her. She needs someone like you. Ray, please, follow her wherever she goes. It trust you to protect her.”

If he was the person I wanted him to be, he would follow her. Ray would protect her. He would get her to safety. He would follow her even if Jumin took her. He would go to the hospital with them. Luciel could see his brother. They could save Ray from this nightmare. I prayed that if I died today that my life could save two others.

“What? What will happen to—” Ray paused, and I looked up to see his face twist, “I-Is that blood? Are you bleeding?”

I looked down. Blood was hitting the carpet from under my dress. The fear was becoming a reality. My baby was in danger.

“Ray, help me,” I pleaded.

Before I could speak any longer, he pulled away from me. I reached for him, but he got out of my grasp. He started pulling at his hair. He started screaming for someone to go away.

Then, the door opened. Rika wore robes like a priest. There was a gleam in her eyes that horrified me, but at the same time, it seemed so warm. Perhaps, it was the same way hell lured its victims closers to them. She walked over to Ray and tenderly stroked his hair.

“It will be okay, Ray,” Rika told him, “you didn’t do this to her. She will be fine.”

“Rika, please, I need medical help,” I pleaded. “Even if it is someone here, I need anything. She might be in trouble!”

Rika gazed at me and smiled, “Then, you should have some faith in us and relax a little. Your stress is only hurting her. You would have never made a good mother. You are far too selfish.”

If I had anything left in me, I would have hit her. I felt all the rage well inside me. She was a hypocrite. She was a snake. 

My mind flash to that girl in the picture holding Elizabeth. Merely days ago, I broke down into tears wish I could be more like the girl in that picture. She was an angel.

Lucifer was also an angel at one point in time.

Things change. People change even faster. I doubted that she was always this person. She changed. She let things overcome her. I wanted to hate her. Instead, I just felt sorry for her.

I pushed myself to my feet. I walked to her. She seemed confused by my actions but mostly curious. I took her hands into mine. I was shaking and cold, but she was warm and steady. She didn’t speak a work to me, but she also didn’t move away. 

“If you get your way and you take on parenting my child, I want you to raise her as the woman you used to be,” I said to her. “I want you to be the founder of RFA, the woman who bought a bright eyed kitten to warm up a cold soul, the girl who loved others so much more than herself, and the—”

“You’ll be gone so it doesn’t matter what you want,” she told me. “I will send the Believers in soon to escort you down the ceremonial room. Remember, just relax. Ray, go down to the front door and greet our visitors.”

He couldn’t look at me as he rushed out of the room, apologizing excessively. Rika hadn’t left yet. She stood in the doorway. She looked at me as I sat back on the bed, trying to hold back my tears. I was in so much pain, but I refused to let her see me cry anymore.

She closed the door behind her as she walked back in the room. It was just her and I in this moment. I remembered praying for a moment like this years ago. I wanted to meet with her face-to-face. This was one of my greatest desires. I was going to cease this moment.

“Thank you, Rika,” I told her.

“For what exactly?” she asked with a shocked tone.

“I don’t know why you send Unknown for me in the first place, but because of you, I have lived the most amazing life,” I told her. “Jumin is the love of my life, and we have created a little life together. Zen is my best friend, and I got to taste the fame with him. Luciel has given me so many laughs and adventures. There is no substitute for him. Yoosung, as you know, is so special. He has grown into quite the chef lately. He taught me so much. Jaehee is the most loyal friend that I have ever had. Our coffee dates are always so lively.”

“What do you think of V?” she asked me.

“I adore the V that I know, but I don’t think I know the real V,” I confessed to her. “I know this shell of a man. He smiles, but you can tell it isn’t fully sincere. His eyes are lifeless. He looks constantly pained and lost in his own thoughts.”

“Are you trying to impose that I am the reason for this?” Rika huffed.

“He lost you, and it broke him into pieces,” I said. “I fear Jumin looking like that if something happens to me. I don’t ever want him to feel that level of loneliness.”

“I miss them,” she admitted. “I often wondered if I should have actually ended up with Jumin instead of V. I believe that Jumin could have been the one to help me. V just wanted my happiness.”

“What would Jumin do that V hadn’t?” I pushed.

She sat next to me on the bed, “I often thought that Jumin would have pushed my wellness harder. He wouldn’t just accept that I was doing better. He would have made sure that I had better therapists. He would have made my life with my parents better. Logic over emotions. He would have never let the emotions consume me.”

I shook his head, “Jumin, as he appears to the public, would have, but that isn’t who he is in a relationship. He rarely tells me no. He never pushed me to amend ties with my family. The only thing he ever made me do that I wasn’t happy about was to stop dancing, but that was only because I was pregnant. Jumin isn’t controlling.”

Rika sighed before mumbling, “Maybe I was never destined to be truly happy.”

I placed my hand on my shoulder, “Rika, they all care so much about you. They miss you. They want to help you. I want to help you. All of this, it could be over soon.”

“It is far too late for any of that,” Rika told me.

“It is never too late,” I told her. 

“What if you die tonight? Is it too late then?” she whispered.

Her words twisted my heart. I knew what I should say. I knew what I wanted to say. I also knew what the wrong thing to say was. There were so many words spinning around in my mind. I had to find her an answer.

“It all depends on how you repent to them,” I said cautiously.

“Why should I repent to them?” she asked me. “They never believed in me. They—”

“What do you want me to say to you, Rika?” I asked her. “What can I say to you to make you feel better? How can I help you? What do you want from me?”

“I want your life,” she told me, quietly. “I want to be normal like you. When we pulled you off the street, you were no one. You were the perfect candidate. You had no background, very simple upbringing, and if something had gone wrong with you, no one would miss you when you vanished.”

She wanted me to punch her. She wanted me to hurt her. She wanted to be able to play the victim. She wanted to be able to tell the people that loved her once upon a time that I had attacked her. She wanted them to see me in a bad light. It took the some of the darkness off of her. I refused to give her power.

“I never thought that they would like someone as average as you!” she laughed in disbelief. “Jumin of all people! You were nothing and from nothing. You had no major academia, you were in some community school for performance art, and you were fairly plain looking. I couldn’t even see Yoosung bothering with you!”

I found myself praying to God to bless me with patience and self-control. If he didn’t grant me this miracle, I was going to break the seventh commandment. The only good part of her antagonizing was that I was getting so upset that the pain in my stomach was starting to numb.

“Do you have a point you are trying to make?” I asked her as evenly as I could hold my voice.

She nodded, “I always had to be perfect and magnificent and held at a higher standard to be loved. I thought that was the only way to be loved. You came waltzing in—”

“Waltzing in? You tricked me into breaking into your bomb house and manipulated me to throw a party! I hardly knew how to throw a baseball!”

“Regardless of minor details,” she said, “you won over everyone by just being yourself. When I tried to show them who I really was, V told them all I was dead. They never had a chance to love the real me! It was stole from me by V!”

“Do you even love the real you, Rika?” I asked her.

She put her hand over her heart and nodded, “It took a long time, but I really do. I have finally been able to embrace who I really am. I am not trying to fix myself. I am accepting who I really am. V always wanted me to be the sun, but I am more like the moon.”

“We’re in the step in the right direction,” I told her.

She stood up from the bed and looked at me, “You really are a remarkable woman. Jinju was right about you.”

My mind stopped. I repeated her last sentence over several times in my head. That name was thrown out there as someone I was supposed to know. My heart broke almost instantly.

“Jinju Han?” 

Rika nodded, “Do you think you were the first one to think of tracking down Jumin’s mother to try to warm his cold heart? Silly girl, you should know by now that you are simply following my footsteps.”

“Why did she do this?” I questioned.

“You told her that she isn’t allowed to see her grandchild,” Rika announced. “Selfishly, you sought her out, and you brought her out of her comfortable private life and filled her with false hope. You led her into a confrontation with her abusive ex-husband, and you proved her fears that her son didn’t love her.”

I wanted to retaliate, but I couldn’t argue. I had done all those things. Even though I hadn’t looked at the situation in that light, all the facts were there. I hurt Jinju. I brought this upon myself.

“How did she come to you?” I asked her.

Rika replied, “I found her before even creating the Mint Eye. At that time, she had absolutely no interest in meeting with the Hans. I never stopped keeping contact with her. I knew she was just as lost as many people are. When I founded Mint Eye, I went to her again. She told me that she had no interest in leaving her home, but she would like to come to me for advice and comfort.”

“And I hurt her, so she came to you to help her feel better,” I sighed. “She told you everything that was going on. That is how you knew to monitor me and put me under stress. You know about my high-risk pregnancy.”

“You are such a smart girl,” she cooed. “You’re so pretty too. You have far too strong of a will though. I would have loved to have you here with me. You could have helped me lead Mint Eye to Eternal Paradise.”

“I think I am happy where I am at with RFA,” I told her, forcing a smile. “I think they need me more than you do.”

She held her hands out to me. I took them cautiously. She helped pull me off of the bed. She looked in my eyes. I searched desperately for any sign of the person she used to be. I looked for the spark she had in all the pictures I had seen over the years. Sadly, I saw nothing.

Rika released one of my hands and ran her fingers through my hair and gently down my face. Her hand sent shivers down my spine. I wondered if she was ever as warm as she looked in pictures.

“I am really going to miss you,” she said.

She pulled away and left me standing there. She walked out the door and let it shut gently behind her.

Rika had no intention to let me live. Somewhere between her arrival and this moment, I had gained hope. Rika was great at convincing people she could help them. Her charm had worked on even me.

I placed my hand on my stomach as I sat back on the bed and closed my eyes, “Baby girl, I need you to listen to me. I know you know me, and you know I love you so much. You are going to have to be strong in this world because I might not be there to protect you. This world is such a hard place, but you won’t not know that at first. You are going to be born into a world of luxury, but even luxury has its toll. Strangers are going to want to know everything about you and want to exploit you. You will have to have good instincts to protect yourself, but princess, don’t ever shut yourself off from the world. There are some fantastic people out there, and I can’t wait for you to find them. They will sweep you off your feet and make life worth living.”

The tears were falling. I thought back to all the days I spent in Rika’s apartment, getting to know the members of RFA. I thought back to our conversations. I thought back to those first awkward phone calls. I recalled the first party we threw. We thought it was going to be small, but with all of their suggestions, we gained a huge following. I thought of that awful Sarah woman and her obnoxiously pink dress. I remembered sitting back in the dress Jumin bought for me, laughing at her with Seven and V. I thought of our first toast, with the massive engagement ring on my finger, to the new RFA and the promises of the future. 

“Your family isn’t going to be traditional. It’s everything but that. Your family is a group of people brought together in a common interest to help others. After the group should have disbanded, they stuck together to just chat and keep in touch. I know that my presence in their life is what solidify the bond of family, but they were getting there even if they would have never admitted it. With me gone, you will continue to be that glue. You will be so loved by them all, princess. They are all looking forward to being with you. They are all going to be so crazy protective of you. Good luck ever bringing a boy home. Actually, introduce them to Uncle Yoosung first. He might be the safest reaction.”

I reflected back to my lavished wedding. Most of the attendees were there because that was how rich people mingled. I remembered convincing Jumin to have a smaller, more intimate ceremony with just our family and close friends the next night. I remembered our quiet honeymoon. Jumin and I had stayed up every night just talking about life and enjoying each other. I began to wonder how Elizabeth would do without me. I hoped she wouldn’t be too heartbroken. It would cause Jumin far too much pain if I was gone and Elizabeth was suffering.

“Jumin, your father, is the most loyal man there is out there. You will never find a man who will love you more than he does. You will never have a want or need in the world that he won’t satisfy. Unless you want a dog. That might be a little ‘ruff’. Okay, okay. No time for jokes. Serious business. Princess, your father is going to drive you crazy a lot. Especially when you get older. He is going to push your buttons, and no matter how hard you try to pout at him, he will not change his mind. He is immune to the puppy dog eyes. Most importantly, never lose your bond with him. He is going to be such an amazing father. It might take practice, but Jumin Han lives for perfection. Always be willing to negotiate with him. Tell him every single day that you love him. He needs to hear it.”

I thought back to my college dance exams. I thought about how badly I hurt from endless hours of rehearsing. My body ached and was bruising. I remembered Zen coming in with sport drinks and ice packs. He stayed late with me for a week, coaching me along and encouraging me to keep going. I thought of our show together a few months ago. I thought of how long we worked together to choreograph original pieces. I thought about how he held my hand at the hospital.

“If there is anyone who will always be in your corner, it is going to be Zen. Especially if you father is the one you are fighting against. Zen has had all those life experiences that your father may not have. He has lived a tough life. It has made him protect the RFA as his family. There might be rumors that Zen is your actual father but don’t believe them. If you have any interest in the performing arts, go to him. He will help you out the best way he can. I know it is selfish, but I hope you love to dance like me. I would love to live on through your self-expression. Plus, Zen could really use a partner.”

My thoughts changed, and I thought of how Yoosung would handle my death, especially at the hands of his own cousin. I remembered meeting Yoosung. He was so lost and confused. I remembered helping him study over coffee dates. I remembered him coming with me to all the food tastings for the wedding because Jumin was far too busy with damage control from the Glam Choi Scandal. I thought of his mother making kimchi with me after finding out that my parents decided to stop talking to me.

“As I mentioned, Uncle Yoosung might be the most normal out of everyone. He is a really sweet person. He is still pretty childish. He will love to play games with you and watch your television shows. He likes animals so you two could have fun trips to the zoo. Let him introduce you to food. Don’t just eat the fancy stuff your father suggests. Go out to small places with Yoosung. You’re going to be his first love, after all. He is going to be amazed by everything you do. His love will be so pure. Make sure you give him lot of hugs and adventures. He needs someone like you to keep him attached to the real world.”

Jaehee’s bright smile entered my face. I remembered our first few phone calls. She was so skeptical of me and Zen. Her relief when she realized I loved Jumin was perfect. After she came back from her vacation, we sat down for coffee to talk wedding details since Jumin had put her in charge of making sure I got everything I wanted. Instead of actually doing work, we went back to her place and watched Zen’s performances. We even sent pictures and videos of us reenacting scenes to the messenger. I remembered seeing her in her maid of honor gown. She looked as beautiful as she did uncomfortable.

“If I am not with you, Jaehee will be. She is going to be there for you twenty-four-seven. I believe that even if she quit working for your father that she would still be in your life every single day. She would make sure you had a lunch packed for school, take you to get new dress for a school dance, and be there when there are things that you can’t talk to your father about. Jaehee lost her mother at a young age, and she would know what it is like not to have one at the important moments. So, if at any point, you decide you want to call her ‘Mom’, please do. She deserves it.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes, but more kept coming as I thought of Luciel. I thought of all the late nights we spent chatting about nothing over the messenger. All the stupid calls we made to each other just to make the other one laugh. I remembered all the tears we shed on nights where we just couldn’t keep smiling any longer. I remembered blasting music on long drives to get candy from a place that was three cities away just because we had nothing better to do. 

“Uncle Seven may not always be around, Princess. He lives a very mysterious life. Things are not always easy for him. At some point in time, he may just have to leave you and everyone else behind for your safety. Just know, if that ever happened, you would hear from him again. He would find a way to mysteriously contact you in some discrete way. Like a pen pal, or a meme pal, from the space station. Just know that Uncle Seven will do anything to protect his family. So, cherish him while he is here for you. Don’t let the darkness consume him. Be his little candle.”

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself, but I was breaking down. V was next in mind. My heart gave a painful throb. I thought of Rika’s words, blaming him for her actions. I thought of how he must have hurt. I thought of all the secrets he had been keeping. I could never imagine the pain he had been feeling for nearly a decade now.

“V is one of the most complicated human beings on the planet. Just like Zen and I, he is an artist. I guess, that gives him a reason for being so dramatic. V has six thousand secrets hidden behind his beautiful, dead eyes, but the one thing that is never a secret is how much he loves all of us in RFA. He would do anything to protect us, and that includes you. You may never understand him, just as I don’t, but I want you to always trust him. He is always doing what he thinks is best for you. I hope you learn art from him as well. He understands the world in a different way from any of us. I think it would be nice if you learned that perspective. Just don’t lie to people about someone’s death, no matter what the reason!”

I could hear movement behind the door. My heart froze. There was more than one body. I knew It wasn’t Ray. I only had a few more moments alone with my child. I took a deep breath.

“If Ray follows my promise, he will be there for you too. I don’t know anything about him besides he is Uncle Seven’s brother and very broken. I have a feeling you might be able to help put his pieces back together. Babies are more than just a miracle. They perform miracles just by existing. Don’t let him go back to the darkness.”

I took a few deep breaths. I looked at the tear drops on my dress covering my stomach. There was still so much pain. I knew she was in trouble. I also knew that no one was going to let her die. She was meant to live. Rika wasn’t stupid. 

“Be happy, my precious daughter. Make others happy. Be a light in the world. No matter what darkness you may be born into, you should always be the light. Support others. Love others. Help others. Don’t do it because you have to. Do it because you want to. Love harder than it hurts. Do whatever makes you happy. Don’t let anyone hold you back. Cherish every moment of your perfect life. You only have one shot. Take risks. If someone asked you to break into an apartment to return a phone, you should probably do it. It might be dangerous and stupid, but you never know what can come out of it. Most importantly, I will always love you, and I am so sorry to drop all this on you right now, but I need to make sure my family is in good hands…perfect, tiny hands.”

The door opened. There were four men. I stood up from the bed. I didn’t want to fight them. They didn’t seem to want to do me harm. They held out their hands to me. They helped me down flights of stairs. They tried to give me comfort by telling me that Paradise will free me. They only knew the world that Rika poisoned them to believe in. I appreciated their gestures. I didn’t reply back to them, but I tried to encourage them.

I was brought to a beautiful room that led up to an ornate chair, practically a throne, that Rika was perched upon. Her legs were crossed, her back was straight, her hands were placed in her lap, and her smirk was in place. There was a bed in the middle of the room that was obviously not normally there. I knew this was where I was going. This would be my final place.

The believers brought me to the bed, and they help me lay down. They propped up the back so I was sitting up straighter. This was the first time I noticed the restraints on the bed. I wanted to plead for help, but I couldn’t give Rika that satisfaction. I knew it wouldn’t help my baby. They pulled the restraints around my wrists. I tugged a bit just to see how much room I would have. They were solid.

A believer walked up to me. He introduced me with a number given to him by Mint Eye instead of an actual name. He gave me the school he had gotten his medical degree from. He told me of his years of practice. I was a bit shocked that someone like this would choose to follow Rika. I wondered what she had used to manipulate him.

The doctor pushed my legs apart and pulled of my underwear. It, as well as my dress, was stained with blood by now. It was frightening. He reached up and started feeling around. He began to describe his process and the tool he was using. He was breaking my water to begin the labor process.

I was only eight months along. It was far too soon. I began to yell out to Rika that this wasn’t right. However, she threatened to gag me. The last thing I wanted was to go through labor without drugs and not be able to scream. I silenced pretty quickly.

I felt the popping and warm water surround me. I immediately began to feel my stomach turning. This was not the world I wanted my daughter to be born into. These people were not going to do what was best for her. They were going to protect Rika, their savior. They wouldn’t protect her.

“Wait,” Rika’s voice sounded.

For a moment, I thought she was going to stop this madness. It thought she would show me some compassion. She would think about Jumin, V, and Yoosung. She had decided that this was not right.

“We have some special guest who have come to see this woman enter Paradise,” she announced. “Can we bring them in?”

Being pushed in believers, Jumin, Zen, V, Seven, and Vanderwood entered the room. My heart shattered. They were not ready for this. They had no better knowledge. I watch their faces as they saw Rika before them. Seven looked betrayed and angry. V merely hung his head. Zen looked so tortured by her appearance. Jumin, however, stared directly at me.

“Rika, savior, please,” V pleaded, “you can let her go. This isn’t worth it.”

“Of course, you would say that,” Rika said to him, “but this isn’t about you and your wants, V. This about Mint Eye and Paradise.”

“Saeran! Where is he!” Seven yelled, jerking against the guards. “I can’t believe I trusted you with him! You betrayed us all! This isn’t right!”

“Zen? Jumin? Do you have anything to say to me?” Rika asked.

“You look pretty great for a dead girl,” Zen mumbled.

Rika smiled, “You always did focus too hard on looks. I never claimed to be dead. V was the one that hid me from the world. I would have happily stayed in your lives. I would have brought you into mine. You would have understood what it was like to be like me…like all of us here.”

Zen shook his head, “I could never hide away a face like this in a place like this.”

“Jumin?”

“Let me be near my wife,” Jumin said to her. “I understand that you have full control of this situation. I have no intentions of trying to stop you at this point. Rika, she is my wife, and she is scared.”

“How would you like to be the one to numb your wife of pain?” Rika asked.

A believe approached my husband with a beautiful bottle filled with a eerie liquid. The bottle was placed in his hands. Jumin looked at the bottle and looked to his comrades. Zen seemed to be torn. V just shook his head. I looked to Seven and Vanderwood. Neither moved, but they continuously scanned the room.

“That is my Elixir. I made this exact batch just for her in this moment. It will help bring her peace in mind and body. It is transcendent.”

“Rika, there is a child inside her. This could hurt the baby,” Jumin tried to plead.

“Jumin,” I called to him.

His eyes met mine. I didn’t want him to lose a chance to do it. I needed to be close to him. They were going to inflict our child with this poison pre- or post-partum. If I had to make a choice, I wanted it to be now. I wanted my husband next to me. Even if they killed us both the moment our child was born, at least, we got to be a family one time before it all went away.

Jumin nodded, “I would be glad to give it to her. Anything to help her pain.”

With Rika’s command, the believer released Jumin. He walked over to me as calmly as he could. At no point did Jumin want anyone to see him sweat. My husband was the perfect person to have around under pressure.

“I love you so much,” I told him as he leaned down and kissed my forehead and my lips.

“I love you too, kitten,” he told me, popping the cork from the bottle. “I am sorry for this.”

“Jumin, you once told me to be selfish with you, and I am going to ask you the most selfish thing I possible could ask of you to do,” I told him. “I want you to protect her at all costs. Not me, her.”

Jumin nodded. His tears splashed against my cheek as he stood over me. The smooth glass of the bottle was placed against my lip. Jumin counted to three before he tipped the bottle. The liquid was bitter with a chemical taste to it. I tried to imagine taking a shot or downing a drink with Zen when we were younger during happier days. It was hard to stomach, but I swallowed every drop.

My mind began feel fuzzy. I wasn’t losing consciousness. It felt like I was losing my sanity. I could feel the world around me, but nothing felt right. My head was instantly feeling like it could burst at any minute. My body wanted to expel the Elixir, but my mind held it down. I could almost feel my mind going numb, like the poison was controlling it to shut down.

I could hear screaming around me. I wasn’t sure what was happening. I wasn’t even sure if it was just me screaming. Was I screaming? How do I scream? I couldn’t comprehend my actions. I needed a voice. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I need a command. I needed to listen. No one was saying my name. No one was helping me.

The world was a blur. I couldn’t grasp what was going on around me. All I knew was that my body hurt and my baby was unhappy. I jerked against the restraints, but I was pretty sure I was just bruising myself. I felt the bed I was laying on start to move. I kept trying to scream, but I wasn’t sure if my vocal chords were working. I could see a blob of black above me, and I knew it was Jumin’s head. He was still there. If anything was happening, he was witnessing it.

I couldn’t feel my lower body suddenly. I couldn’t feel my baby. Was she safe? Was she still inside of me? Was a paralyzed? Would this be temporary? I had so many questions, and only Rika knew the answers. I wondered what she was doing. Was she enjoying this? Did this sadden her? Was she feeling content in dealing out a punishment to so many people?

I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I felt the world suddenly start moving around me. Even in my stupor, I was hearing sounds. Everything was muffled. I wanted to know what was happening. Was there something wrong with my baby? Was there something wrong with me? I could feel my body moving, but I was still restrained.

Suddenly, the world went black.

I don’t know how long I was out for or for how long the Elixir had lasted, but when I came to, I was outside. There were flowers everywhere. I was in pain everywhere, especially in my stomach and my head. I leaned over and immediately started getting sick. Whatever Elixir had been in my body was being expelled. I felt my hair being pulled back. I knew I wasn’t alone any longer.

After getting everything out of my system, I sat up and wiped my mouth. I leaned back against whoever was holding my hair back. My vision was still blurred, but I could tell by the long white hair who it was.

“Zen,” I mumbled. “It hurts.”

“Its okay, babe. Jumin’s getting help. Hold on a little longer,” he told me, but I could hear the panic in his voice.

“My baby,” I mumbled.

There was a pause before Zen spoke, “She’s beautiful.”

She was born. My daughter had arrived. I had no idea where she was. Who had her. If she was safe. This was all wrong. This was not how this day was supposed to be. It was supposed to be magical and perfect. This was far from everything I wanted.

I started crying, and Zen pulled me to him. He tried to comfort me, but I could feel his hands trembling. If he was the only one with me, what happened to the others? Where was my child? Where was Seven? Where was Ray? Where was Vanderwood? Rika? V? Jumin? I didn’t even know where I was in this moment. 

I heard loud sounds. Being in the Han family for so long, I knew what helicopters sounded like. Whoever went to get help had found it. The winds were gusting around us. It was close and landing. Someone was here to take me away. I was going to live through this. There was a little hope in my life, but it was drowned by sadness because I had a sickening feeling that not everyone was going to make it out with us.

“Over here!” Zen yelled, taking a hand off me.

Before I could really comprehend what was going on, I was picked up and placed on another bed. I began screaming and jerking. I didn’t want to be restrained and hurt again. I didn’t want this. I needed to see my daughter.

“Mrs. Han, please, we need to calm down,” someone told me.

“No! No! Not again! I need her! Give me my baby! Give her to me!”

I felt Jumin’s gentle touch wrap around my wrist. I immediately stopped swinging. I looked at him. He could tell that he was worried. I had never seen him look so broke and hurt. I felt my eyes fill with tears again.

“Is she okay?”

My question was answered by a wailing sound. It was distant by it was there. I fell back against the stretcher as I began to sob. I wanted her so badly, but I wasn’t in any shape to hold her yet.

“You gave birth in the middle of it. Seven knocked out the believer as you were crowning. Vanderwood delivered her, and he has not let go of her since. She is safe. Neither he nor the white hair believer have left her side,” Jumin assured me. “Now, please, let the doctors care for you, my love.”

I relaxed. I knew she was safe. I was safe. Jumin was safe. Our family was together. We were all alive. In the most selfish moment, I was content. I felt like I could face the rest of the problems as long as we were together. Zen was there. Vanderwood and Ray were safe. Now, I just needed to know about Seven, V, and Rika…


	9. Chapter 9

I was brought by air to the nearest hospital. They checked my vitals. They checked my body for any residue from the Elixir that was still in my system that could be dangerous. They were able to take care of my birthing wounds. They bandaged up a few open wounds I had caused from trying to break against the restraints of the bed. It felt like forever.

Finally, I was brought into a maternity room. I wasn’t there for long before Jumin came in to see me. He looked as if he had showered and changed in the time I was being seen by doctors. He still looked like he was troubled, but he genuinely smiled once he saw me.

Jumin sat at my side on the bed. He kissed all over my face. I could feel his trembles as he held my hand. He was scared when I was gone. I knew he was. I saw how he reacted when his cat left. I couldn’t imagine how he was when his pregnant wife disappeared.

“I love you, Jumin,” I told him. “How is she?”

“She is just fine,” he told me. “They are still checking everything, but she has reported to be doing very, very well.”

“What about everyone else?” I pushed.

“The white hair believer, Luciel’s brother, has been taken to the psychiatric ward after freaking out when we tried to remove him from Magenta,” Jumin explained. “Luciel has stayed loyally at his side. He told me he would tell the whole story when things settle down. Zen is impatiently waiting to see you with the others. He has a couple minor wounds, but he was the one that took you to safety when we knew everything was going to hell. Vanderwood has a very serious injury, but mostly, he is stable. He protected the baby primarily. Obviously, I survived.”

“Jumin, what about V?”

He fell silent. He looked away from me. His body began to shake. I could hear him choking. Before I could say anything, he threw himself into me. He sobbed into me. I held him tightly and close my eyes. I couldn’t help but cry with him. I didn’t know what happened, but I knew that he wasn’t with us any longer. My rational husband wouldn’t be broken apartment if there was even a slim chance of hope.

I don’t know how long we sat there like that, but he was inconsolable. He lost his best friend. He lost his brother. He lost one of the most important people to him. Jumin wasn’t okay. He had physically survived whatever went down at Mint Eye, but emotionally, he was ripped apart. He didn’t stop crying until he fell asleep in my arms.

I held him in my arms for quite some time before a knock on the door came. Jumin sat up and tried to pull himself together. Even if it was just a member of the nursing staff, Jumin wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see him like that. I waited for him to get himself together before allowing whoever knocked to enter.

Zen’s head popped in through a crack in the door, “Hey, babe.”

“Hi, Zenny,” I said softly.

“Someone wants to see you,” he told me.

I thought he would escort in a nurse holding my child, but instead, I got something I never expected. Kyung Mi pushed Zen out of the way to run through the door. She practically shoved Jumin off the bed to climb on top of me. She hugged me tighter than I could hug her.

My sister was not a crier. She was a hard ass. She never let anything stop her. She wasn’t overly emotional. Maybe things had change in the past five years. All I knew was that I never thought I would get to see her again, and I loved when I was proven wrong.

“Sissy, I am so sorry! I didn’t want to ignore you! Dad swore he would stop paying for my school! And my feelings were hurt! And I didn’t know if I would—”

“Shhh, Its okay, Sis. I am just so happy you are here!” I cried as I held her close. “Why are you even here? What happened? How did you know?”

“Yoosung put out a notification on several university pages that you were missing, and I caught wind of it. I couldn’t not show up if something was happening to you,” Kyung Mi said as she pulled away and wiped her tears, still sitting in my lap. “I needed to see you and apologize for everything.”

“D-Do Mom and Dad know?” I asked her.

She looked away from me as she nodded, “They told me that your new family was looking for you so you should be fine. I wasn’t happy with that answer.”

“Do they know you are here?”

She nodded, “And Dad told me that I should ask you if you have a spare bedroom because I am no longer welcomed in their house.”

“Jumin?” I called, looking to him.

He nodded, “She has been sleeping on the couch since the spare room is currently a nursery. I was thinking of selling the penthouse. We could look for a new house in a lovely neighborhood. There would be plenty of room for all of us. I know you are not okay with hiring a nanny, but how would you feel about hiring your sister to help us out for a while?”

I nodded with tears in my eyes. My husband always knew what I needed most. Growing up, my sister and I would always talk about how great of aunts we would be to each other’s children. We dreamed of being the cool aunt. When I found out I was pregnant, one of the many things that upset me was that I thought my daughter would never get to go on lunch dates with her cool aunt and get her nails done against her father’s permission. My daughter was going to be spoiled.

I looked over at Zen, “I love you so much for everything you have done for my family.”

“Our family,” he corrected as he walked over and stroked my hair. “I would do it over and over again. Maybe, if time repeated, I could do so much more.”

He looked away as his tears started flowing. I knew what he was crying over. 

We all loved V so much. 

Now, he was gone. 

“He wouldn’t want us to be sad,” I mumbled, “but that doesn’t change the fact that we are. Wh-what about Rika?”

“He tried to reason with her,” Zen said, “and he had gotten closer to her. He grabbed her hand. A believer shot him from behind, and the bullet went through him and into her. They died holding on to each other. Honestly, there is no better way for them to go.”

Zen placed a hand on Jumin’s shoulder. He was sobbing again. His whimpers and chokes for air through his tears sent chills down my spine. He sunk on to the bed next to me. Zen helped Kyung Mi off my lap to give room for Jumin to curl up next to me again. 

There was another knock on the door. Zen opened the door. There was a nurse with a little bundle of blankets in her arms while another nurse pushed a little cart behind her. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Han?” the nurse asked. “Baby Girl Han is doing amazingly, and now that Mom is in good condition, we thought we would bring her up to see you.”

I couldn’t even uses my words. I just held out my arms like a needy child. I wanted my daughter more than anything else in the world. 

The past seven months had been a whirlwind adventure. There was never a dull moment in my pregnancy. I thought back to Zen finding the test in my purse. I thought of Jumin’s reaction when he found out. I remembered all the fun we had planning all the ways to tell everyone we were expecting. I remembered finding out she was going to be a girl in that little room. I remembered painting with everyone together. I remembered my final words to her in the womb. Seven months of memories made with a person, and I was finally going to get to meet her.

The nurse placed the little pink bundle in my arms, instructing me how to hold her. She looked so soft and warm. She opened her eyes. They were a beautiful grey identical to Jumin’s, but while his looked so cold, her eyes looked as if they would melt. She looked around before little out a little whimper. Her little hands gripped at the blanket. I admired those tiny hands because she already had me wrapped around the tiniest of those fingers.

I wanted to say something to her. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to do all that stuff we talked about earlier. I wanted to tell her that she was free from all the responsibility in the world. I wanted to tell her I would protect her from all the harshness of the world. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how glad I was to hold her in my arms.

“Thank you for fighting,” were the first words I spoke to my child.

“Can I?” Jumin asked.

Carefully, the nurse instructed us on how to transfer her to each other safely. Jumin took her into his arms. I got to admire my little family, minus our precious Elizabeth, for the first time. Jumin looked so perfect for the role of father.

He stared at her for a moment, tears still streaming down his face. He had so many thoughts running through his head. I could see it in his eyes and his cracking expression. There was so much confusion, pain, and happiness, and he couldn’t handle it.

“Do you think he can see how beautiful she is?”

It was Zen who let out the choking sob. He turned and held tightly to Kyung Mi, burying his face into the top of her head. My sister nervously patted his back a couple times before wrapping her arms around the sobbing man firmly. 

Much like Jumin, Zen was closer to V than a lot of the others. He often told me, especially when we first met, how much he admired him as an artist, a boyfriend, and a person. He claimed he wished he could be more like him. I knew this was going to be hard on Jumin, but I had forgotten about Zen. My heart ached.

Jumin peered over at me. I couldn’t find words. I just nodded.

V was here with us. I knew he was. There was no way he left us alone in this moment. He would want to give us our privacy, but he would know we would want him here. I wondered if Rika was here with us too. I could almost imagine them on each of Jumin’s sides, admiring the most beautiful little girl. Rika’s eyes would be warm again. V’s eyes would be alive once more.

“Can she have his name?” Jumin asked.

“Of course,” I told him. “I think it is a perfect name.”

“You’re going to name the baby V?” my sister spoke up, muffled by Zen’s chest still pressed against her face.

“No,” I laughed, “His name wasn’t V. It was Jihyun.”

“Her name is Jihyun?”

“Still not there.” I explained, “Once we found out she was a girl and asked V to be the godfather, the three of us regularly tried to figure out a name for her. By the end of our quest, we were at a standstill. We decided that we would wait until she was born to decide what her name would be.”

“What were the options?” Zen asked, taking a tissue off my bedside table to wipe his eyes.

“I really wanted to name her Mi-Rae, and Jumin was pretty focused on naming her Nabi,” I said.

“So, what is her name going to be?” Kyung Mi asked.

“Sin-Jae Han.”

Jumin smiled as he said her name. He looked at her with nothing but love. I could see that I was going to have to fight a lot for her freedom. He was never going to let her out of his sight. She was going to be his new best friend. She had no idea how much her daddy was going to love her.

“Can I hold her?” Kyung Mi asked.

Jumin looked for a second. I knew part of him wanted to tell her no, but he knew that it was far too selfish. He carefully passed Sin-Jae to her aunt. Kyung Mi looked at her niece. She grinned ear-to-ear. She moved over to my bedside and sat down.

“Okay, Sin-Jae, I’m your aunt, and for many years, I thought I would never get the chance to meet you so I got a few things to tell you,” Kyung Mi told her. “I don’t know your dad very well yet, but if your mom loves him this much, he can’t be that bad. Plus, he feeds me and houses me. I’m pretty cool with him for only knowing him a couple days. Secondly, your mom is going to be the best mom ever because she is like the best big sister ever. I know how much she cares and nurtures. She will never give up on you. You’ll butt heads with her, but that’s just your job as a kid. Don’t worry too much about it. As far as you and I go, I’m going to be the coolest aunt out of all your friends. I am going to do your hair and your make up, I am going to take you and your friends to the movies and out for ice cream, I am going to let you play hooky, and we are going to have so many shopping adventures. I am so happy I wasn’t too late to be in your like, Sin-Jae.”

“Hooky?” Jumin asked.

I laughed nervously, “Kyung Mi was always a troublemaker.”

“My daughter will not be a troublemaker!” 

“Hey!” Kyung Mi laughed, “You give her a chance to be anything she wants to be. Don’t hold back her potential!”

Zen walked over to Kyung Mi and sat next to her on the bed. He looked over curiously at Sin-Jae. His expression softened. He looked over at me. He looked over at Jumin. He looked back at her.

“I could imagine she would make something so beautiful, but Jumin, this is really a work of art for you,” Zen told him.

Jumin chuckled, “I’m a little surprised myself. I spent months looking up pictures of newborns and babies. The whole time, I couldn’t find them cute or precious. It wasn’t like they looked like kittens. However, I looked at Sin-Jae, and I thought of nothing but perfection.”

“You don’t seem like the type to half-ass something, Han,” Kyung Mi declared, “so I knew you could pump out something pretty damn cute with the help of my sister.”

Kyung Mi passed Sin-Jae to Zen. I could tell he was hesitant. As I was thinking about it, I had no idea how many baby Zen had held in the past if any. By the way his body stiffened, I could tell it was probably none. Yet, he held her so securely.

I knew Zen was going to protect my child from the moment I found out that I was pregnant. He was overprotective of me, and he knew I was strong enough to defend myself. I couldn’t imagine how protective he would be over a helpless baby. I could see the tears dwelling in his eyes as he looked at her. It was pure love. There was nothing more pure than the way he looked at her.

“Zen, will you be her godfather?”

In a day full of surprises, Jumin’s words shocked me to the core. He was always as unpredictable as he could be predictable. I knew Jumin like the back of my hand, but he still never failed to surprise me. It was one of the many reasons that I loved him.

“This isn’t the time to taunt me, Trust Fund Kid,” Zen mumbled as he looked away from Sin-Jae to look at him.

Jumin shook his head, “This isn’t a taunt. This is a serious question. V was going to be her godfather, but that is…no longer an option. You have been a loyal knight to my queen ever since you met her. You protected her in her most vulnerable moment when I knew it would be dangerous for me to do so. If there is anyone I trust to protect my princess, it is you.”

“Babe, what do you think?” Zen asked as he looked to me.

I nodded, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“So, big business man as a father, charity organizer as a mother, coolest person alive as an aunt, and famous actor as a godfather,” Kyung Mi spoke aloud, “well, Sin-Jae, you are one special little girl.”

Zen laughed a bit as he looked at Kyung Mi. She grinned wildly back at him. Jumin sat down on the bed and kissed my forehead. This was my family. It was more complicated than Kyung Mi had described it, but it was still everything I ever wanted. There was an air of sorrow still overhanging, but the presence of my baby made it bearable. 

After that moment, life had gone on. Jaehee and Yoosung had come in to see the baby. Yoosung had explained that people were asking a lot of questions about what happened. Jaehee told us that she held a small press conference telling the world that myself and the child were alive and fine, and that the lives that were lost were not being taken lightly. They let us know that we still should post some sort of social media video letting the world know some inside details when we felt comfortable disclosing the information.

Not long after that, we had a visit from Jumin’s father. When he came in, he immediately apologized for everything that happened at the party. My ego refused to tell him that it had been Jinju to leak our information to Jinju. When we told him that V had passed, he shed a tear with and for his son. Mr. Han had remembered how cold and distant Jumin had become when V’s girlfriend had passed, and while saddened by the news, he was happy knowing that Jumin had a wife to support him and a child to live on for. With his compassion, I melted and allowed him to see Sin-Jae and be in her life. I knew that Mr. Han and I would always bump heads, but I was realizing that life was far too short and crazy to hold grudges for too long.

The next day, Luciel stopped in. He looked exhausted. He explained everything to Jumin and I. He talked about his mother, his brother, his father, and his name. He told us about V and Rika. He told us about his career choice. He left no stone unturned. He was a mess. We could tell he was exhausted before he started his tale, but afterwards, he seemed like there was never going to be any light in his life again.

Sin-Jae was placed into his arms. He looked at her and immediately started to weep. I believe everyone who had held her in the past two days had cried more than she had in her entire life. Every tear was bittersweet. We all missed who we lost, but she was finally here. She was a relief. A beautiful, tiny innocent relief. 

“So, Ray’s name is actually Saeran?” I asked him.

He nodded, “He is Saeran, and I am Saeyoung. You don’t have to call me that if you don’t want to.”

“It is your name after all,” Jumin told him, “and it is your honest name. Since you are finally honest, I feel it is only appropriate to call you Saeyoung.”

“Thank you, Jumin,” he said softly before his golden eyes looked over at me. “Can you forgive me? I tried to tell you as much as I could. I tried to keep you safe. I did everything I can. I am so sorry that I failed you.”

“Who did you fail?” I asked him. “I am safe. Sin-Jae is safe. You kept your promise to me and to Jumin. Everything else was…unpredictable. You didn’t know about Rika either.”

He shook his head, “No, I didn’t. V even kept that secret from me. I knew very little about Mint Eye. I knew that Saeran was playing a strong role in it. I knew they were the ones who brought you to us. I also knew that V knew much more about Mint Eye than he would ever let me know. Now, I know why.”

“How do you feel about V at the moment?” I pushed.

Saeyoung sighed, “I don’t know. I hurt so deeply that he is gone. If he were here, I couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. I miss him, hate him, love him, and never want to see him again at the same time. I don’t know what happened when I was sent away. I will only know what Saeran knows…if he ever decides to talk to me.”

“He isn’t speaking?”

“He has a lot to say, but none of it is productive,” he told me. “He is still purging the Elixir in his system. He has a lot of mental stuff going on his head right now. They can’t seem to calm him down.”

His words hurt me. I didn’t know how different Ray was from Saeran, but I knew Ray. That still had to be a part of him. I wanted to see Saeyoung smile again. He was the only one who couldn’t look at Sin-Jae and smile. It broke my heart that he was so hurt and distraught that not even she could cheer him up.

Jumin had spent much time with me, but business was piling up. I convinced him go to the office for a bit to help Jaehee out during this crazy time. I was still on a hospital stay to make sure I was healing well. He was reluctant, but he left.

I took this opportunity to have a nurse wheel Sin-Jae and I down to the psychiatric ward. Ray made a promise to me that he would watch over my daughter. He deserved to know that she was safe. Even if he wasn’t around anymore, part of him was still living.

While the nurse advised against it, I proceeded to demand my visitation. I told her that he was the man who kept me alive and safe in my situation, and I needed to see him and show him that I was okay.

She wheeled me into a therapist’s office. The nurse said it was the most private and safe place. She also let me know that a nurse had to be present at all time due to the patient’s watch. I reluctantly had to agree to these terms.

Saeran walked in with his head hung low. A large male nurse held on to his arm. Overall, Saeran look defeated. He looked like he was broken. It hurt to see a face I knew could have such a comforting smile look as if it would never shine again.

He looked up and looked surprise to see there was no doctor at the desk. His eyes scanned the room. They landed on me. He recoiled a bit. He remembered me. That was good news despite the fact that he looked afraid of me.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled. 

“You won’t hurt me. You never hurt me before,” I told him.

“No! You were bleeding and hurting. I caused all of this to happen! I am worthless and meaningless. My savior died, and this was all my fault,” he mumbled.

Sin-Jae let out a cry. Saeran looked at her and froze. It was as if he was just realizing that she was there. He moved closer to me and sat down on the couch. He curiously looked over at the bundle in my arms.

“Is that her?”

I nodded, “This is Sin-Jae. This is all your fault. You kept your promise to me, and now, she is alive and safe. I wanted to thank you, Saeran, for all your help.”

“Is she healthy? She isn’t tiny and weak, is she?” he asked quietly.

I shook my head, “No, she is doing just fine. Time will only tell how her health will be, but so far, everything this normal.”

He sighed a bit in relief, “That’s good. I would hate for her to be unloved.”

“What?”

His words shocked me. The said them in a way that seemed that what he said was absolutely normal. It scared me.

“If you have more children and they are strong than she is, she will be the less loved one. No mother loves the weaker child,” he told me.

I just wanted to hold Sin-Jae in one arm and Saeran in the other. I was remembering what Saeyoung had told me about their mother and growing up. I noticed how Saeran had a much smaller frame than his brother. He was sickly. He was small. He was the slower target.

“Saeran, when you get to feeling better, will you stay with us?” I asked him.

“Why do you want me around?” he mumbled.

I smiled at him, “You did everything you could to make sure I was in a good, happy place during the scariest moment of my life. You didn’t know me. You were just being a kind, goodhearted person.”

“That wasn’t me,” he told me. 

“Maybe not, but that person is still inside of you. You remember being that person,” I explained. 

“I won’t be good for her. I’m not good for anything,” Saeran spoke, tears sliding down his cheeks.

“Then, give me a chance to prove you wrong,” I said. 

“Why even waste your time on me?” he cried, raising his voice in desperation. “I am worthless! I was meant to be thrown away! I was just a tool! No one ever really loved me! I am unlovable!”

“Saeran, hold out your arms,” I told him.

He looked nervous, but he listened. I moved closer to him and gently placed Sin-Jae into his arms. I helped move his body so he held her securely. He looked down at her in awe. His tears splashed against her soft little cheeks. Sin-Jae merely slept.

“Mrs. Han, that is not advised,” the nurse objected.

“Hush,” I snapped, “don’t you see? He won’t hurt her. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He doesn’t think anyone deserves to hurt. He has seen pain. Everyone around him as hurt him. Saeran, do you think Sin-Jae could hurt you?”

He shook his head as he body shook from his own sobs.

“There are bad people in this world that take advantage of the small and helpless, and I am sickened by the fact that you had to be one of those victims,” I leaned over to him and wrapped my arm securely around him, holding them both as I had wanted to. “I know you are mad at your brother. I understand how it feels to be abandoned by your family. It hurts. It destroys your soul. I was mad at my sister too. I never thought she would leave my side. The moment that she found out that I was in trouble, she came looking for me. She never gave up on me. She just didn’t know what was going on. Your brother is the same way, Saeran. He loves you. He would have never hurt you. He did what he did because he thought he was protecting you. If he ever knew what was happening to you, he would have went to save you sooner. Secrets were kept from him.”

“What should I do?” he asked.

“Forgiveness is hard to do when you have never really felt it,” I said, “but I think you should try to learn how to. He is a good person. I think you should stay here, try to find a way to deal with all that has happened to you, and when you feel ready, you can finally start your life.”

“Can I see Sin-Jae again? Will you bring her to see me? Will you see me? Will you help me?” Saeran pleaded as he looked at me.

“Of course,” I replied before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

I slid back down next to him. We sat in silence for a few minutes as he held Sin-Jae. She slept the entire time. He still looked at her like she was the most marvelous thing on the planet. Had he ever witnessed a baby before? I was beginning to think he hardly knew where they came from. He looked at her as if she were an alien.

Our time came to a close once the nurse informed us that Saeran needed to take his medicines and go to his afternoon therapy. I told him to cooperate as best as he could and not to fear the truth. He nodded as he transferred Sin-Jae back into my arms. He looked back at us as he exited the room.

My nurse brought me back to the room. I asked her to not tell anyone about this moment. It was meant to be a secret. I didn’t want any press looking to Saeran. I wanted him to remain out of the spotlight. If anyone knew that I had gone to see a person in the psych ward with my newborn, there would be some serious questions.

A couple days had passed, and finally, both myself and Sin-Jae were able to go home. That day was also the memorial service for V and Rika. I left the hospital dressed in black and tears in my eyes. There was no time to explain anything to the press. We went directly to the church. 

Sin-Jae and I spent most of the time seated in a chair next to Jumin. He stood at the front with V’s father as family. He held tightly to my shoulder. He held a solemn expression when dealing with the public. Inside, I knew he was suffering. 

Once the service had ended, we finally went home. The members of RFA went with us. Driver Kim drove us and Sin-Jae home, having a baby seat now in his car for us specifically. A limo took Saeyoung, Yoosung, and Jaehee back to our home. Meanwhile, Zen drove with motorcycle with Kyung Mi holding on to him. The group of us arrived home and walked in. No one had the strength to say words.

Jumin when to the kitchen and poured several glasses of wine and took a beer from the fridge for Zen. As for me, he handed me a glass of water in a wine glass. Kyung Mi took Sin-Jae from my arms. She told me that she would take care of the baby because they needed me to take care of them more. I couldn’t argue with her.

The RFA looked broken. They lost their leader. They lost their best friend. As in denial as we could have been for the past few days, we no longer had that option. We faced our reality. We faced the darkest truth. 

I healed them all when Rika was gone. I came into their lives. I filled that void. This time, I was left with just as much of a void in my heart as they had. I loved V like a brother. I loved him so much that I wanted him to take care of my daughter if I passed. I thought back to the day I introduced Jinju to Jumin. I remembered the way he sat with me when I left to make sure I was okay. I knew he loved me too.

I began to cry and sobbed out, “I don’t know how to make this better. I have tried so hard to be optimistic. I have tried to fix everything. I just wanted to save everyone. Where did I go so wrong? Why did I let this happen? I am so sorry, everyone. If I hadn’t gone to Jinju, none of this would have happened. He would still be here. I wouldn’t have—”

I couldn’t finish my words. I choked up. My sobs overtook me. I put my glass of water down and cried into my hands. I couldn’t look at them, and I didn’t want them to look at me. I gave them strength. I knew that. I knew they looked to me to be the strong one in moments like this. However, I had been blaming myself for all this. The moment Rika told me that it had been Jinju to leak all my information, I knew that I had caused this. Everything that spiraled was my fault.

“Enough.”

I looked up to see Jumin glaring down on me. He looked angry. It was nice to see him feeling something apart from despair. However, his voice sent chills down my spine. In our entire time together, he had never spoken so coldly and fiercely towards me. 

He reached down and pulled me into a standing position. He wiped my face with a tissue he had had tucked away. He pushed my hair out of my face. At no point in time did he smile. He didn’t even look me in the eye. Instead, he examined all of my problems.

“Rika knew everything. She didn’t need that woman,” Jumin spoke coldly. “The moment we start blaming ourselves or one another for what happened is the moment we fall apart as a family. V kept this a secret. Unfortunately, his secrecy is what led to all this. He should have been completely honest with us from the beginning.”

“But, Jumin, I—”

“Enough,” he repeated. “V should have put a stop to this when she brought you into our lives. When she placed you in a home with a bomb in it, he should have had taken care of the situation. He left you in a dangerous position. Unfortunately, the metaphorical volcano erupted instead of staying inactive as he had hoped.”

“Should we be putting all this on V?” Zen commented from the side.

“It isn’t all on V,” Jumin assured, “because Rika was the one who pulled the trigger. V just concealed the gun. Both are at fault. I will miss them both until the day that I die, but the truth of the matter is that they put us all in danger.”

“And Saeran,” I reminded them.

Saeyoung flinched. Maybe he had hopped to forget about his brother’s suffering if just for one afternoon. Unfortunately, I could not. I couldn’t just forget about Saeran sitting alone in the hospital. I couldn’t forget about the promises that I had made to him.

Jumin kissed my forehead, “Kind, sweet, beautiful woman, you care so much about everyone else. Have you even looked at yourself?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“You have been trying to help us, Saeran, and our daughter and forgetting to take care of yourself,” he told me. “You have been skipping meals, losing sleep, mixing up your priorities, and so much more just to talk to us and make sure we are okay.”

“I love all of you! Why is that such a bad thing?!” I exclaimed, choking on my tears once again.

Jumin spoke softly, “Because that is what V did, and we can’t afford to lose you too.”

I silenced myself. No more talking. He was right. I looked around at all them. Their eyes were on me. All except Yoosung. He was sobbing into tissue. He hadn’t stopped crying. 

“I love all of you so much, and I am so sorry. I am going to do better,” I told them.

“Be selfish, my love,” Jumin said as he squeezed my hands, “and I will be happy.”

“Jumin, why don’t you have the chef bring up some food? We can have a small lunch together,” I instructed, trying to take a leadership position again, “I’ll call the hospital and see if Saeyoung can bring some to Saeran and have a second meal with him. I’ll send someone to pick up his favorite ice-cream to him. Jaehee, you and Saeyoung set the table for all of us, but just ordinary plates, nothing special. Zen, can you check on Kyung Mi and Sin-Jae tell her we’re eating soon? Yoosung, come over here and give me a hug.”

Everyone went their separate ways, and Yoosung came into my arms. He held me tightly as he cried into my shoulder. I stroked his hair and tried to keep him consoled. He lost his cousin for a second time. He never even got to hear her side of the story, not like I wanted him to.

“Everyone keeps saying she was bad, but I can’t see it,” he confessed.

I sighed, “Remember her how you do, Yoosung. She would want to be remembered by you in such a positive light. She never stopped loving you. She cared about you so much.”

“Thank you,” he told me.

“Don’t let your sorrow consume you this time,” I said, “because you have so much to put out into the world. We will get you to a counselor, and we will help you beat this.”

Yoosung thanked me again. I led him to the bathroom and washed off his face a bit. His eyes were bloodshot, and his cheeks were burning red. It hurt my heart to see my sunshine so full of sorrow. He normally had the sweetest laugh, and I hadn’t heard that in over a week. I knew I would come back eventually.

The sun never sets for forever. It is still there even on the stormiest of days.

Our sun would rise again.

Maybe not today or next week, but it would come again soon.


	10. Epilogue

“Is she awake?”

“I don’t think so…”

“So, lets wake her up!”

“But shouldn’t she get to sleep in?”

“It is really hard to sleep in with you three chattering…”

“Huh? Oh! She’s awake now!”

“Happy birthday, Sin-Jae!”

I sat up on my bed to see my three younger siblings at the foot of my bed with homemade cards and crafts. They crawled up by bed and threw themselves on me in a pile of loud cuddles. As obnoxious as they could be, I loved them.

I am Sin-Jae Han, eldest daughter to Jumin Han and his precious wife. I am the next in line to take over the family business. I enjoy doing word problems and listening to podcasts in my spare time. My actual hobbies include hip hop dance, debate team, and volunteering at my uncle’s veterinary office. When I grow up, I want to work with my father at C&R and creating new business propositions, including opening and supporting a local theater troupe to keep kids off the street and give them more productive things to do with their talents. I have two hamsters, Star and Moon.

Oh, and I am sixteen-years-old as of today!

The three little twerps that woke me up are my three adopted siblings. 

Daeshim is thirteen and was the second adopted child. My parents met him while trying to recruit the orphanage owner to attend a party. He had been doing his homework when my mother spotted him. They bonded. Father sat down and talked to him about what his goals in life were. Despite the fact that they were not looking for another child, they refused to leave without him. Daeshim has been with us since he was seven. 

He loves animation. He is an amazing artist. He draws everything. He watches a lot of animated shows to get inspiration. I always loved my birthday cards from him because they were full of color and designs. He added extra glitter to mine. He is very crafty. He loves to work with his hands. Daeshim went through a phase of working with clay last years. He has been building things with wood recently. He spends a lot of time listening to music. Dad often compares him to a popular artist he used to know, and he says that when Daeshim is ready that he will open a gallery for him and introduce him to some art people.

The first adopted child was Taejoon. He is now ten, but he was adopted at birth. My father had an inconsolable female employee. He sent Aunt Jaehee to talk to her. The woman had found out that she was pregnant and her boyfriend broke up with her. She was afraid that her family was going to disown her. After talking to my mother about the possibility of taking in the child since they didn’t want to have another risky pregnancy, they took in his mother, told her family that she was overseas on business, and took care of her until she gave birth. She visits from time-to-time, mostly on his birthday and close to big holidays, but she lives on the other side of the country.

Taejoon is a dancer and really likes to act. He is really close to Uncle Zen. He likes to copy everything he does. It is pretty funny. Aunt Jaehee and Taejoon love to cuddle up on the couch and watch Uncle Zen’s musicals together when she babysits. He even went as Uncle Zen for Halloween one year. Uncle Zen cried. Other than that, Taejoon is your pretty average little boy. He gets into trouble, is overly curious, and has more energy than anyone in the house.

We adopted Chan-Mi is seven-years-old, and she came into our lives four years ago. My parents had decided they wanted one more child. (They claim she will be the last, but I know my mother well enough to doubt that promise.) My father had been in a horrible mood when they went to visit a foster family. Small Chan-Mi walked over to him, climbed into his lap, and asked him to read to her. She didn’t seem to care about the sour look on his face. When the woman tried to tell her to go into the other room, Father stopped her and the meeting to read with her. Then, she fell asleep on him. That was it.

Chan-Mi, the smallest of us all, was the one with the biggest personality. She loves everything. She never passes up the opportunity to try things. She is absolutely fearless. She loves rollercoasters and scary movies. She is an absolute risktaker. She is the only one of us who has broken a bone. She got gutsy at the park when she was five. She gives Dad a heart palpitations. Then again, at the end of the day, she is just wants to cuddle up, watching Princess movies and listen to stories. You only get about maybe two hours a day of cuddly Chan-Mi before she falls asleep. She is a daddy’s girl though. The only person who she gets just as excited to hang out with is Uncle Saeyoung. She can’t get enough of him.

My siblings soon left me so I could get ready for the day. I had gone shopping with Aunt Kyung Mi for my special birthday outfit. I was stoked to get to wear it. I watched the makeup tutorial on YouTube to show me how to get the perfect look to go with it. I switched to another video to show me out to fix my hair for the day. I was pretty good at doing these things. I learned quickly, and I already knew how to do some tasks from learning from my aunt.

I left my bedroom another hour later. Daeshim, Taejoon, and Chan-Mi had already left with Driver Kim to head to school. As for me, I was allowed to take the day off. It was a perk of our birthday since all of had birthdays during the school year. Mom was in the kitchen. On the table, there were just a couple gifts.

“Where’s Dad?”

Mom forced a smile like she did every year, “He had to go to work.”

“He has to work every year on my birthday,” I sighed as I sat down at the table.

I wanted to cry. I really did. I cried every year on my birthday. This year, I did my makeup first so I wouldn’t cry and ruin it. Still, the tears were burning my eyes and starting to blur my vision. I wasn’t much of a crier, but this hurt me.

“No, no! Baby, don’t cry!” Mom exclaimed, grabbing a tissue and dabbing my eyes carefully. 

“He is here for all of their birthdays! Why not me?” I asked her. “Does he think I haven’t realized it yet? Does he think I am stupid?”

“Sin-Jae, you know he doesn’t think you’re stupid,” she told me, hugging me tightly. “Your father will be around. I promise.”

“Yeah, he will come tomorrow, before school, shower me with gifts, and I will leave for school. He will pick me up, and we will go for dinner together,” I recited. “I’m not okay with it this year, Mom. It isn’t okay!”

She sighed, “What would you like me to do? You’re sixteen. Tell me what you want me to tell your father.”

I thought for a moment. This was my first real adult decision. I was allowed to dictate to my mother what to tell my father about how I felt mistreated. Dread overcame me. Adult decisions were hard. I didn’t want to hurt my father, but he was hurting me! Every year!

“Do I have to make this decision on an empty stomach?” I asked, procrastinating.

“Not at all,” she chuckled. “What would you like?”

“I guess the birthday pancakes that Dad makes for the other’s birthday is out of the question,” I commented coldly.

Mom gently stroked my hair, “How about I make the bacon omelet with extra cheese and bacon that I make for your birthday every year?”

“Sounds delicious. Thanks, Mom.”

I watched my mom start to cook. This meal was special because Dad never knew about it. He wasn’t a big fan of us eating a lot of bacon because it was so unhealthy. Yet, Mom let me have it on special occasions. She made it for my birthday and if my menstrual cramps kept me home from school. Her omelet was my guilty pleasure.

I had the best mom. I couldn’t imagine anyone better. She was hardworking and kind. She always made time for us. She cared deeply about us and our interests. She never forced us to do something we didn’t like. Instead, she worked with us until we found something that we enjoyed. She was always considerate of us and who we were. She had so much love to give, and we could never ask for more.

She brought me the plate and sat down with me. We talked about various things from dancing and her new project with Uncle Zen to my classes and the person I had a crush on. We had no problems talking about things, but I normally kept boy talk to Aunt Kyung Mi or Uncle Yoosung. They seemed to know what they were talking about more since I didn’t want to end up with someone like Dad. 

After that, we opened presents. My siblings and I had traditions of getting each other gifts that we could do together. Daeshim bought me a set of posters to color and new set of beautiful artist markers. Taejoon bought me an new outfit, most likely picked out by Aunt Kyung Mi, for dancing and a gift card for music. This most likely meant that he wanted to work on choreographing a new routine. We did that from time to time. Chan-Mi’s gift was several board games for two or more players as well as the next book in our favorite series we read together. 

Before I could open Mom’s gift, the door opened. Both of us were caught off guard when Dad walked through the door. He had a bouquet of daffodils in one hand and a stereotypical picnic basket in the other hand.

“Did you text him?” I immediately asked her.

“No, I promise,” she said. “Hello, Jumin.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you had work,” I commented, trying not to sound spiteful.

He looked at me and smiled, “I deserved that. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I had to make sure things were done at work so I could come get you.”

“Do you have your days right?” I asked him. “Normally, we don’t celebrate my birthday until the day after.”

“I know, and I am going to explain everything to you,” Dad told me. “Sin-Jae, you are old enough to know the truth.”

“Mom?”

“Go with him,” she urged. “Your father has been debating doing this for a while. He really wants to tell you these things. Trust him, Sin-Jae.”

I went to grab my purse while my mother cleaned up the wrapping paper. I wanted to help her, but she insisted I hurry up and go. I didn’t understand what huge secret could be keeping my father away from me. I hurried up, and he led me to the car for a really long drive.

There was a bit of small talk between us, but not very much. I was hurting still. My father missed all of my birthdays. I never knew why. Now, he was coming to me with a field trip and a story to explain it all. Honestly, it sounded like an excuse, but I had to trust him. I always trusted my father.

“Ah, good. We’re here,” he finally said.

I stepped out of the car and looked around, “A cemetery?”

“Come, Sin-Jae, there is someone you need to meet,” he instructed.

My father lead me along the paths. The last place I wanted to spend my day of birthday is the place where I would spend the rest of my life on the day I die. It seemed like it was rushing things. I was sixteen and never been in a relationship like all my friends. I was the queen of not rushing things. So, this made me extremely uncomfortable.

We stopped at a site. My father laid the bouquet of flowers on the plot. He knelt down on one knee, placing the basket on the ground next to him. I examined the headstone a bit more. Jihyun Kim. According to his date of birth, he was about my father’s age. Then, I looked over at when he died. It was fifteen years ago…today.

“Dad, who is this?” I asked him.

“Jihyun Kim, also known as V, was my best friend, and he was going to be your godfather,” my father told me. “He was the most brilliant person I have ever met. He was charismatic and caring. He loved people with his full heart.”

“What did he die from?” I asked.

My father took a deep breath, “Loving someone so strongly that he let it cloud all common sense. He was a deep person. He held a lot of secrets. He never wanted to let the world just know how bad he was hurting. However, without his secrets, I would have never met your mother.”

“I think America has a television program about this,” I mumbled. “Are you going to tell me about how you and Mom met?”

My father smiled at me, “Yes, but not quite yet. It was V who picked out your name. He thought that it would fit you perfectly. He never got to hold you.”

“Did he get to see me? Did he see that it fit?” I questioned.

He shook his head, “V could no longer see. He lost his sight a couple years prior to your birth.”

“That’s sad,” I said, kneeling down next to my father. “Dad, he died on my birthday. Is this why you never spend my birthday with me?”

He nodded, “Yes, Sin-Jae. I come here and spend the day. I often have dinner with his father. I didn’t want to tell you about this because I never wanted to tint such a beautiful day with my own sorrow.”

“Is it my fault that he died?” I asked.

My father hung his head, “It was never your fault. You never did anything.”

“But I had something to do with it?” I pushed.

“No,” he said, “you had nothing to do with it. He died trying to protect the person he loved.”

I looked to him for answers, “Do I know her?”

He took a deep breath, “Remember in Elizabeth’s old room? There was a picture of the blonde woman holding her? That was V’s fiancé. She was the one who gave Elizabeth to me. She was the one who founded RFA. She was the one who brought your mother into my life.”

“If she was so special, why did she need saving? Why are telling me this? What is going on?” I interrogated, leaning against him.

“Her name is Rika, and without her and her story, you would not be here,” my father said.

I watched my father, in full suited glory, sit on the ground, cross his legs, and open the basket. He offered a sandwich to me and told me to take a seat. I was far too intrigued to refuse. 

For the first time I could remember, my father had lunch with me on my birthday. He opened up to me completely. He told me the story of Jihyun Kim and his fiancé Rika. He told me about the origins of the foundation that my parents had been running my entire life. He told me about Rika’s first death and the turmoil it caused. He told me about my mother and how he never understood love until he met her. He told me the story of Grandfather, Glam Choi, and Sarah Choi. He told me of the glamourous wedding he shared with the love of his life.

I had heard about how my parents met briefly. I knew they had met through their fundraising association. No one ever gave me too many details. When I was ten, I decided to stop asking questions because I never received answers. The most I ever got was from Uncle Zen, and he just told me the past is all history, and all that matters is the future.

Then, my father began to tell me about my birth. He told me how the announcement was made during a storm of rumors that my mother was having an affair with Uncle Zen. He told me that my mom had contacted his mom since none of her family would talk to her. He explained that my mother had pre-eclampsia which was why they never chose to have another natural birth child. He told me about meeting his mother at the gender reveal party, and how my Aunt Jaehee and all my uncles were the first to find out. He told me about all the paintings in my nursery at the Penthouse I spent the first year of my life in.

The story turned dark. He told me that my mother was abducted. He explained to me all he knew about Mint Eye and how they were the people that brought my mother to them. He told me that the once beautiful and loved Rika was the one who started this heinous group. His story involved a caring man named Ray who take care of my mother when she went into labor. My father explained how he fed my mother poison just to make sure nothing happened to us. He told me how Rika planned to keep me to be the next leader of Mint Eye. He explained out the moment my cord was cut was the moment all hell had broken lose. He told me how Vanderwood had shot the doctor and caught me before I hit the ground, how he and Uncle Zen had saved mother, how Uncle Saeyoung had saved this Ray, and how V tired save Rika but both ended up losing their lives.

The story continued when he told me about how my mother (who confessed weeks later) that she had went to see Ray in the hospital with me as a motivator for him. Away from the other story, my father began to tell me the saddest story I have ever heard. He told me about the Choi twins, Saeyoung and Saeran, and their parents. He told me about how V and Rika saved them. He told me about how Saeyoung went on to become Agent 707, Defender of Justice. He also to me how Saeran grew to become Unknown and Ray, split between his emotions and urges of darkness and of light. He told me that without my birth, Uncle Saeran, the human I was closest with in the world, would still be lost and afraid.

I was upset that I had done my makeup. I told myself I wouldn’t cry. At this point, I had cried so many times that I lost count. My father had even cried a few times. It was a moment that no matter how old I would get, I would never forget this.

“So, Sin-Jae, do you understand why your birthday is so bittersweet to me? It was the happiest and saddest and scariest day of my life,” Dad said, finishing the last of his bottle of water.

I nodded, “Yes, I understand. Hey, Dad?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Thank you for letting me spend today with you and Uncle V. I know it is your special day, but it is truly been an honor to spend this day with the both of you,” I confessed. 

My father reached over and pulled me into his lap. He held me close to him. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. My father often shared his feelings with his family. We were about the only people he was comfortable loosening his tie around. Even so, this rarely happened in public. For my father to practically cradle his sixteen-year-old daughter in his arms in the middle of a cemetery, it was a miracle.

“Sin-Jae, my precious daughter, I am so happy that you are mine,” he told me. “I am so proud of the young woman you have become. You have brought me endless amounts of joy from the moment you were brought home, angel.”

“Thank you, Dad. It means a lot to hear you say that,” I said, kissing his cheek.

“Shall we get going, princess?” Jumin asked. “Your brothers and sister are probably waiting for you to get home.”

I stood up off his lap and held my hands out to help Dad up. Once he stood, he continued to hold my hands, squeezing them slightly. He gazed down at me. He seemed to be admiring me. 

He didn’t have to look too far down. I was tall, gaining a good chunk of his height. In flat shoes, I was just a few inches short of six foot. In heels, I towered above most the girls my age. I loved it. It always looked nice when we had to take family pictures. I could stand next to my father, and we complimented each other well.

Before we could leave, I moved over to the headstone. I placed a soft kiss against the cool stone. I rested my hand over the name.

“Uncle V, thank you for my name. I love it,” I told him. “I’ll continue to take care of Daddy for you. Do me a favor and make sure Miss Rika is at peace in heaven, okay? I’ll see you soon.”

I pulled away and bowed to the headstone. I turned and joined by father at his side. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

“He would have adored you,” he told me. “Now, go get in the car. I have a few words to say to him.”

I left my father, but I didn’t make it too far until someone stopped me. I was an elderly man with a gaze as hard and cold as stone. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a halt.

“Can I help you, sir?” I asked him, trying to pull back my hand.

“You are Jumin Han’s daughter, correct?” he asked.

I nodded, “Yes, I am.”

He glared at me and sent chills down my spine, “My son died saving your mother and you. How dare you show up here!”

“Daddy!” I yelled.

My father came rushing out in a matter of seconds, “Chief Kim, I do ask that you release my daughter.”

He let go of my wrist, and I stepped back a few paces to be safe. My father moved over to me and looked me over to make sure I was alright. I was more startled than anything. I leaned into and held on to him, in hopes that he could keep me safe. My father wrapped his arm around me and rubbed my arm.

“Please, sir, I know you hold a lot of resentment and have a lack of answers, but do not involve Sin-Jae. She was hardly born yet,” he told the old man.

Chief Kim laughed, “I knew the moment you brought that average classed woman into our lives that it would be no good. She spoke up too much and didn’t know her place. She meddled constantly in affairs that were better left alone. Just like your mother.”

My father sighed, “Maybe if you and my father would have treated your wives with even a bit decency, they would have never left or grew to resent you. My wife and both of my daughters are remarkable women, and I would prefer if you respect me enough to not insult my family.”

Shaking his head, the old man replied, “Do not bring her here again. Do not taint my son’s grave with her presence.”

“Sin-Jae has much of a right to be here as anyone else,” my father said proudly. “She was loved by V very much. Now, if you excuse us, it is her birthday, and I will have no one ruin this day for her.”

“Her birth is a reminder of his death, and you know it,” he taunted as we walked away, “Jumin, don’t act like it doesn’t haunt your thoughts.”

We got into the car and my father looked more anxious than I had ever seen him. I looked at him and laid my head on his shoulder. I loved him. I really did. He was my father, and no matter what happened, he was always there for me.

“Dad, I understand if today makes you sad,” I told him. “You are allowed to be sad, and if I say it is okay, it is okay because today is my birthday so I make the rules.”

He laughed a bit and smiled, “I have struggled with my emotions a lot in my life, but I learned something really important on the day you were born. I learned that I can feel two strong emotions at the same time, and one hurts and the other feels amazing. I feel that every year on this day, but mostly, I felt that way because I held this secret. I feel much better now that you know the truth.”

My father and I chatted on the drive home like old friends. It had quite a long time since this had happened. Normally, we talked about important things. We talked about business, practices, appointments, and what we wanted for dinner. My father was busy running a company and taking care of a family. As the oldest child and most able to care for myself, I tried to be as little of a burden on him as possible. Today, we talked about our next family vacation, all of my friends at school, crushes and why boys are bad, and how we were going out after school tomorrow to find me a couple birthday presents.

When we got home, he made his way to the door before I could. He said real gentlemen open the doors for women and I should remember it. It was dark inside, and I found that really weird. Chan-Mi was afraid of the dark. I walked through the doorway and hit the lights.

“SURPRISE!”

I stumbled backwards into my father. He caught me while making sure I was okay. I looked up at him. He looked amused by all of this. I looked in front of me. All of my family was in front of me. My cousins and siblings were holding a sign they obviously made for celebrating my birthday. All of my aunts and uncles were cheering happily still.

Part of me felt heartbroken. After hearing the story today, I knew my father was missing two faces from the crowd before us. I held on to his hand.

“It is your birthday, princess!” 

Uncle Zen ran towards me. He picked me up and spun me around. I couldn’t help but laugh and scream. It was exciting. The sadness was melting away. I loved these people. This day was now about me. Maybe it was always about me.

Uncle Zen placed me in the middle of crowd. I received hugs and praise from my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Daeshim, Taejoon, and Chan-Mi waited for all of the love fest to finish before they put on my birthday tiara. I felt so special in this moment.

My mother approached me with tears in her eyes. She rubbed my cheek and smiled, “So, you know everything now. How do you feel?”

I smiled, “Like you are the most phenomenal woman in the world, and I understand why no one ever stands in your way.”

“Like mother, like daughter, baby girl,” she told me as she kissed my forehead.

While the young kids went outside to play, the adults led me into the living room to watch a video. Everyone sat on the couches and chairs. I knew I could sit by anyone I wanted. While I loved my parents, there was someone who I wanted to cuddle up to more…especially after hearing his story today.

“Huh? Oh. Sin-Jae, it’s just you.”

“Just me? Uncle Saeran, I’m your favorite.”

He smiled at me, mint eyes sparkling. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and rubbed my arm. He grinned at me. For a moment, I tried to see that there was ever such a broken person behind that grin. I couldn’t. I had always known Uncle Saeran as happy when he was around me. Imagining him as angry, broken, confused, and violent was impossible.

I smiled as I rested my head on him, “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

Someone dimmed the lights and started the video.

Uncle Yoosung appeared on the screen, trying to get the camera to focus on him. He was adorable when he was younger. His bright eyes and brilliant smile. When I heard he was single through college, I was confused because he was so adorable! Now, as I grew closer to college, I kind of admired him for waiting out for The One. He married his first girlfriend after all.

Once the camera finally focused, he smiled and waved with his free hand. “Hello, Sin-Jae! It has been a month since you were born, and I wanted to give us all time to settle in with you. I decided to do a video for your sixteenth birthday to show you how much everyone loved you and what you mean to us!”

The video faded to black. The camera switched in to show my mother holding me in a nursery. It had been at the penthouse. My parents moved when I was six months old into our home now. The nursery had the painted walls that I had only seen in pictures. My mother looked up at the camera and smiled.

“So, what am I doing exactly, Yoosung?”

“Talking to Sin-Jae in the future!” 

She looked down at me and up to the camera, “It is a little odd to do when she is so small to imagine her all grown up.”

“Go on and try! You’ll love it and so will she.”

She took a deep breath, “Sin-Jae, my mother abandoned me when she found out that I was engaged to your father. There was no question or discussion. They gave me six hours to get my possessions and never speak to them again. I didn’t understand how they could do that. I thought that when I became a parent that I might understand how that is. Now, I have only physically had you for one month in my arms, and I am already dreading the day that I put you down and never pick you up again.”

I watched as my mother wiped her tears, “Honey, I will never let you go. You could be thirty-years-old and come home, crawl into my lap, cry, and I will comfort you. I couldn’t imagine ever giving up on you. So, listen to these words, my precious daughter: Love who you want to love, live life on the edge, do stupid things, and follow your passions. I just want you to be happy, Sin-Jae, and I want to be happy with you and for you. I love being your mother and seeing your little smile. I am excited to watch you grow up, but it is bittersweet. I love you, princess. I will always be on your team.”

The camera faded once again. It flashed back to an image of my mother holding me, and it seemed the camera was hiding behind closed doors. My mother was rocking me back and forth. Then, she started singing. Was it the most beautiful voice I had ever heard? No. However, she was beautiful. She looked so natural as a young mother. I looked over at her, throwing a pillow at Uncle Yoosung for filming that without permission.

The camera faded again and came up on Uncle Zen holding me. My mother, Aunt Kyung Mi, and Aunt Jaehee all wildly cheered about his appearance on the screen. I couldn’t help but laugh. After all these years, they were still his biggest fans. Uncle Zen stood up and took a bow. Meanwhile, the Zen on screen was feeding me a bottle, talking about why he chose to babysit with Uncle Yoosung because he always ended up doing all the work.

“Just talk to the camera, Zen!”

“I can’t even see myself!”

“Is that really what is important now…”

Uncle Zen sighed and looked at the camera, occasionally shifting his gaze towards me, “Sin-Jae, you are old enough to have a boyfriend, and I absolutely forbid it. If you already have one and he is sitting with you while you are watching this, I will stand up and shake his hand because he survived this long. Anyway, this has been a crazy month. Your birth has sparked up so much in our lives. You have been the greatest blessing in our broken lives. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. You are the most beautiful little girl. I could look at you for hours. Our selfies are my favorite. I am looking forward to all of our pictures together. Your absolutely perfect. Don’t let anyone shake your love for yourself. You matter. Also, while you love yourself, don’t forget to love others that much too. I love you, Sin-Jae, and I am so proud to be your godfather.

“Oh, by the way, I am asking out Kyung Mi tomorrow. I have flowers, chocolate, and a necklace waiting to give to her. I wouldn’t have her if you hadn’t been born. So, if this becomes anything, it is all because of you, princess.”

Uncle Zen winked at the camera.

I looked over to see him kiss Aunt Kyung Mi on the lips. With two children and their third on the way, they were still madly in love with one another. They were an amazing couple together. I couldn’t even imagine life without them together. They inspired me more than my parents to find someone who can be my partner. They are the coolest people I know.

The faded black came back up to Aunt Kyung Mi. She was holding me in a handless carrier while shopping through baby clothes.

“Yoosung, what’s Zen even doing today? He is supposed to be here with me to pick out an outfit for Sin-Jae’s weekly pictures.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh! I know you know. You’re his little sidekick. You’re like the Robin to his Batman…or something less cool. Both of you two are up to no good, and I don’t trust you with this camera.”

“I told you what it was for! Why don’t you just play along and make the video? I am having a spark of genius and all of you are running it for me!”

My aunt sighed and nodded, “Alright, alright, Yoosung. I’ll give in, but in return, you have to tell me, once and for all, if Zen is seeing that new costar of his.”

“Deal,” Uncle Yoosung laughed off camera.

“Okay, so, I wasn’t the best sister to your mom in the past five years. When Mom and Dad kicked her to the dirt, I thought she chose your father over our family. I never realized that she didn’t have a choice. I don’t know how much I am allowed to tell you about why I came back, but I waltzed back into your mom’s life like a whirlwind. Currently, I am not just your aunt but your nanny as well. So, you and I spend a lot of time together. Well, your mom gets to do most of the cool stuff with you, and I get stuck with laundry and making sure she stays on task. Despite the fact that your dad is loaded and can buy everything under the sun, your mom, with my help, has decided to do everything like the poverty we were born into. So, we do dishes, cook, clean, and change all your nasty diapers. By the way, I am going to smear poop all over you favorite shirt one day so be prepared for revenge served stinky,” Aunt Kyung Mi spoke as freely as I knew her to.

“Anyway, I always wanted to be an aunt, and I can’t even imagine what I would be doing without you here. Yes, I can. I lied. I would be spending countless hours in classes that I don’t give a shit—sorry—shoot about. Sin-Jae, I love being your aunt. I understand why your mom left home after meeting all these people. They are amazing. Much like you, I am new to this family, and they have welcomed me as warmly as they have you. I love them so much already. Yoosung, stop crying. No. Stop. You’re going to make me cry and smear my makeup, and if I cry, I will kick you in the shin.”

There was a moment where she looked away to wipe her eyes. Then, there was a quick motion from her. Suddenly, Uncle Yoosung yelped in pain. Baby me started crying from the sudden movement. The screen went black for a few seconds before it came back up again.

“Anyway, Sin-Jae, before Yoosung decided to be emotional, I was going to tell you that your family isn’t all blood related, and that is okay. Don’t be afraid to make your own family. Your friends can be just as important as your parents or siblings, if you have any. I don’t know their plans. I don’t typically discuss my sister’s sex life unless I want advice on what toy I should buy or where I can get decent restraints. Dammit! Yoosung! Take that out of there!”

“Okay.”

Aunt Kyung Mi sighed and shook her head, “Look, kid, I am the most crass person you’re going to have in your life. I am always going to keep it straight with you. I hope you appreciate it. I hope you love me as much as I am going to love you. I hope you’re happy while you watch this. Incase Yoosung doesn’t actually cut out what I said before, I’m sorry for traumatizing you. Sissy and Jumin, if you are watching this too, whoops. Can we cut the camera now?”

The camera faded to black. I looked over at my mother and father. They were red in the face.

“If you weren’t pregnant,” my mother grumbled, “I would hit you.”

“It was so long ago! Chill, sissy.”

I was howling in laughter. I hadn’t ever walked in on my parents having sex (thankfully), but Taejoon had a couple years ago. He refused to talk about it. Daeshim and I worried about him a lot longer than we should have had to. All I knew about their sex life was from minor mentions here and there. Uncle Zen normally disdainfully referred to my dad as “Daddy” when talking to my mom when he thought I wasn’t listening. Uncle Saeyoung accidentally revealed that he buys them toys for their anniversary every year when Aunt Jaehee once asked him about his yearly package. I was too young to understand at that time, but eventually, it made sense. I was just happy to hear that my parents were having healthy sex. According to research, people their age can have a diminish in sex and could be detrimental to their marriage. They were going strong, and that was positive.

The camera picked back up to Uncle Yoosung following Aunt Kyung Mi walking down a hallway. There was no baby me. She looked back at him and looked angry. I had only seen her look that mad when her kids fed her expensive makeup to the dog, and she had to take the dog to get its stomach pumped after it threw up on her white carpet.

“This is bullshit, Yoosung! Why the fuck are you filming this? I don’t need the murder I am about to commit on film.”

“Why are you so upset?”

“He cancelled plans with me for this girl! She knew what I felt—She did it on purpose!”

“I thought you were mad at Zen! Are you saying that his costar knows you have feelings for him?”

“Shut up, Yoosung! The only feelings I have for him is the urge to punch him in throat and shave his head. He’ll be like Sampson and lose all his power,” she rambled.

She slammed her fist against a door that I assumed was Uncle Zen’s. There was a muffled sound from inside the door. She wasted no time in turning the handle and shoving the door open.

Aunt Kyung Mi went in screaming, “WHAT THE FU—what the fuck is all this…” 

She calmed the moment that she walked in and looked around. Uncle Yoosung pushed himself past with the camera. The living room of Uncle Zen’s small apartment was covered in flower petals and candles. The only lighting in the room had been the fifty or so candles lit. Uncle Zen stood in the middle of the room with a smile on his face. He held out his hand to her. She moved forward and took it.

“I told you that I was busy today,” he told her.

“Zen?”

“Kyung Mi, I have never met anyone like you,” he told her. “You are spunky, wild, and challenging. Every day with you is an adventure. I never know what I am going to get out of you. I know we have only known each other for a month, but I think I want to take the next step with you.”

“Don’t you dare propose to me. I know we have known each other like three times as long as my sister knew Jumin before they got engaged, but I’m not about—”

“Can you let me finish?” Uncle Zen laughed. 

“Yeah, sorry. This is crazy,” she laughed nervously.

“Will you go out on a date with a guy like me?” he asked her. “I can’t give you the world. I have very little when it comes to material goods. I can promise to give you an endless supply of love, comfort, fun, and praise. I think you and I would be good together. So, Kyung Mi, what do you say? Go out with me?”

“All this just to ask me on a date? Couldn’t you have just text me?”

“Why would I text you?” Uncle Zen asked.

“Because I could lose my cool in the comfort of my own room,” Aunt Kyung Mi stated. “I have a badass image to keep.”

“What would you do if you were home? Show me,” Uncle Zen challenged her.

She looked nervous for a moment, but she took the bait. She took out her phone and called someone while bouncing up and down in place anxiously.

“Sissy! Sissy! He did it! No! He finally did it he asked me out! Yes! Oh my God!”

She began squealing and jumping up and down with the phone. Uncle Zen busted out laughing. He dropped to the floor, holding his stomach as my aunt went around and bounced of the furniture. A light chuckle could be heard from behind the camera as Uncle Yoosung tried to maintain hidden.

“Huh? Oh. In person. Yeah, I am right here. My answer is yes, of course. What do you mean what—Oh my God! I forgot to answer him! Shit! Bye, Sissy. We’ll drink to this later.”

She hung up her phone and knelt down on the ground to Uncle Zen, “Yes, you beautiful bastard, I will go out with you. While some people go the extra mile, you perform an extra marathon. I like that about you. So, yeah, I want to give a chance for there to be an us.”

Uncle Zen leaned up and kissed her. It seemed a little stiff at first, but soon, they seemed to melt into each other. It was a beautiful moment. I was thankful to be able to witness this. It was definitely goals for any future relationships.

The camera faded to black. Soon, it was just Uncle Yoosung. He was fiddling with the camera from up close before getting it stable. He then backed away to my crib. He picked me up and held me in his arms.

“Alright, Sin-Jae, this is from me. This past month has been insane for me. I have started seeing a therapist. Your mom introduced her to me. She is really nice and helpful. Her secretary is really cute too. I am getting close to getting my career back on track. I have a new focus and drive. I have been dealing with my depression finally. I have been finding healthy coping mechanisms. I play less video games and more with you. With you being born, I have really discovered how much I really just want to be a dad and have a family of my own.”

I looked over at Uncle Yoosung. I worked for him a lot. I helped at his veterinary clinic from time-to-time over the summer because I love being around animals. He had been helping me for the past couple years to convince my father to let us have a dog. So far, we were unsuccessful. Uncle Yoosung went out to try new restaurants all the time. His wife and all four kids were picky eaters. So, it was a hobby reserved just for us.

“My life advice for you? Um, don’t get addicted to thing? No. No.” Uncle Yoosung on the screen looked at me and seemed to suppress a few tears. “Life will hand you curveballs you are not ready for. They will hurt you deeply. Just because things happen suddenly doesn’t mean you should give up. I did. I let these bad feelings haunt and hurt me. Sin-Jae, if you end up feeling that way for any reason, please tell someone. Don’t hide behind smiles and carelessness. It doesn’t just go away. Seek help. I will always be willing to help you and so would anyone one of us. I love you. Please, be happy. Be the brightest star in the sky. I’ll always be looking out for you.”

The camera went black again.

It came up on Aunt Jaehee. She had me in her arms and Elizabeth on her lap. Elizabeth kept leaning into my face and nuzzling me. I had seen videos of how much she loved me as a baby. It was adorable to watch.

I missed our beautiful cat so much. Elizabeth had passed three years ago. It had been a rough time in our family. Dad was absolutely distraught. Mom made him stay in a hotel for a few days because she didn’t want Chan-Mi to learn how to count from the bottles of wine lying about. 

Aunt Jaehee still had her short hair. She wore glasses even though she didn’t need them. According to my mom, my father made her dress like this. I thought she looked fierce with her short hair. I wondered if I could pull off that look.

“Has it really been a month? I have lost all track of time!” Aunt Jaehee sighed and spoke smoothly, “I really haven’t been able to spend that much time with you, Sin-Jae. Not that I haven’t wanted to! You see, I help your father a lot. With your birth and everything going on, your father has taken a lot of time off work. I have been covering for him. However, every day, I get to come by and hold you while I give your dad the play-by-play of the day. I love you so much! It is the part of the day that I look forward to the most! Today is actually my first solo playdate with you! I am super excited. Well, it isn’t entirely solo. As you can see, Elizabeth is here as well. I don’t know if she wants my attention or yours. It is actually really cute. So far, we have napped and watched one of Zen’s musicals before Yoosung came over to film this. You really liked all the songs. They made you smile.”

She smiled, “While you are a baby, I know I won’t be able to spend much time with you. Your mother and aunt will be there for you. I hope as you grow up, you can I can become close. I think the world of you, Sin-Jae. I hope we can do things together like bake and watch musicals together. I hope we have our own little hobby to do together. Being your aunt is what I look forward to the most. Thank you for letting me be in your life.”

The camera faded. I looked across the room at Aunt Jaehee. She looked so different now than when she worked for Dad. She currently ran a coffee shop that was part of a C&R project. She loved it so much. Her long hair had the most beautiful natural waves. Her golden eyes were glorious. She had gotten her wish for us as well. Aunt Jaehee and I baked a cake for everyone’s birthday. We always met up the day before to bake and listen to latest soundtrack for upcoming musical numbers. On top of that, I always stopped by her shop every morning before school to grab a cup of coffee and a hug. I probably saw her the most often out of everyone. 

The camera pulled up on Uncle Saeyoung. I was not in his video. No one was. He was typing away at his computer, which was a normal thing for him. He had six cans of soda surrounding him with three bags of chips scattered about. His eyes never turned to look at the camera.

“Sin-Jae, I don’t really know what to say. I am kind of distracted, but Yoosung promised if I sent him a video of me talking to you that he would let me get work done. I haven’t seen you since the hospital. I didn’t even look at you at the funeral. I managed to avoid not seeing you or your mom while they were visiting Saeran. I let your mom get too close, and I almost lost her. I refuse to let the mistakes in my life hurt you too. I’m sorry. Listen, if I’m not in your life right now and you have no idea who I am, just know that I am someone who cares about you even if I can’t. Take care, kid. I hope your life is good.”

The camera faded to black. For the first time, I shed a tear. I knew what was going on in his life at this time. I had just learned about it. I learned about everything he had lost, what he was dealing with, and all the pain his life entailed. I couldn’t really deal with it.

“Excuse me.”

I stood up and walked out of the room to try to catch my breath. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say to him or anyone. I made it to the bathroom where I broke down into tears. All the stories that my father told me were hitting me hard. I was seeing their faces for the first time after this tragedy occurred. If I had seen this video before knowing the truth, I might not have noticed how stressed they all looked.

My mother was taking care of a newborn and a grieving husband. Uncle Zen was dealing with the idea of almost losing someone he cared about, actually losing two people he cared about, and deciding if his new feelings were love or longing loneliness. Aunt Kyung Mi had just abandoned her home and was trying to adjust to a whole new life. Uncle Yoosung had lost his favorite cousin for a second time and overcoming an addiction that hid his pain. Aunt Jaehee was stuck in a job that was torture, dealing with things she wasn’t paid enough to mess with, and just taking on way more than she needed to. Uncle Saeyoung…he had just had his whole world collapse.

I hadn’t seen my father or Uncle Saeran give their testimonies, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sit through them. 

I slid down onto the bathroom floor and sobbed into my hands. I wasn’t sure if I could go on with the day if it was going to feel like this.

There was a knock at the door that was followed by a voice asking, “Can I come in?”

“Yes, please,” I commented, looking towards the door.

Uncle Saeyoung walked in and sat on the floor next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me as I cried into him. I didn’t know what to say, and I don’t think he quite knew either. We sat like that for a long time. My mind was finally processing how horrible the story my father told me was. While I cried in the moment, it was nothing like realizing that those were the people that you love and all they had been through.

“I didn’t know what to say then,” he told me after I started to calm down. “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings. I never meant it to. I also didn’t want to give you false hope if I wasn’t around for you.”

“Dad told me everything today,” I told him. “He told me about you and Uncle Saeran, and I just feel like all this is my fault. He kept telling me that it isn’t, but I—”

“It was Rika, and there is no way around that,” he said to me. “No one would ever place a blame on her out loud. Okay, Kyung Mi has, but neither Yoosung nor Saeran were around at the time so it was more okay but still not. We all loved her. Zen, your father, and I were even in love with her in a way. It is hard to view someone you once wanted to be with in such a harsh light. In our minds, we all know who was to blame after seeing her cruelty towards your mother and Saeran, but it is dangerous to damn the dead out loud.”

“She was just confused, right?” I asked.

He sighed, “We can make excuses for her all day. We could say that she was abused in her youth and had mental illnesses. In the end, that doesn’t justify her action. I was abused, but I had no urge to hurt people in a cult. Yoosung suffered depression, and Saeran…I don’t even want to talk about that.”

I laid my head on his shoulder, “Uncle Saeyoung, I’m sorry for everything you ever had to go through.”

He rested his head against mine, “It was worth it.”

“We aren’t that close,” I said to him, “and I would like to know if all that had anything to do with it.”

He drew a deep breath, “Yes and no. I did fear for quite some time that my secret would be revealed, and I wasn’t ready to have you grow attached to me and have to ditch you. On the other hand, you were Saeran’s joy. He only progressed as well as he did towards recovery because he had hopes of living a normal life with you. I never wanted to risk something like you liking me more or something that would ever distract your love for him at such a vulnerable time. When I realized that your relationship with him had solidified, time had passed so quickly.”

“You’re a really good brother,” I told him.

“I always hoped to be,” Uncle Saeyoung said.

“I know we don’t really have anything special going on right now, but can we make plans?” I asked.

“What would you like to do?”

“Can you teach me to drive when the time comes?” I lifted my head to look at him, “I really want to be able to drive. It is a valuable skill. I heard from Aunt Jaehee that you are practically a professional.”

He nodded and smiled, “Of course! How about we head back in there? You still have more confessions to watch.”

“Do you think I can handle them?”

He looked nervous, “Honestly? I think your father’s will be fine. Saeran…I don’t even know if he did one. At the time this was being recorded, he was in the hospital. Saeran didn’t want to be filmed. It was making his extremely uneasy. So, I don’t really know how Yoosung would have gotten one.”

We stood up and made our way back to living room. I apologized for my outburst as I took my seat next to Uncle Saeran again. He glared at his brother from across the room. He looked at me. I just smiled up at him and patted his hand.

“No worries. It has been an eventful day. I just was overwhelmed for a moment,” I told him.

Uncle Saeran nodded and seemed to relax more as he held on to my hand.

Uncle Yoosung started the video again. It was a clip of my father in his office. Not much had changed in decorating. He has more photos on his desk now. He looked exhausted and busy. While he wasn’t holding me, I could see myself in a rocking swing in the back. I slept a lot in these videos.

“What would you like me talk about, Yoosung?”

“Life.”

“Today, the weather is rainy. It has been dreary for a couple days. Sin-Jae sleeps best when it rains.”

“No, talk to her.”

“She’s asleep.”

“No, look at the camera and talk to her in the future.”

“Leave.”

“What?”

“I can’t confess how I feel with you here. Go ask Assistant Kang to get you a snack from the machine or something.”

There was grumbling behind the camera and the closing of the door. My father sighed. He loosened his tie a bit. He looked back at me. He looked at the papers on his desk. Then, he looked at the camera.

“I wonder what you will look like a lot. Will you look more like me or your mother. I wonder if you will be tall. I wonder if you will like cats. I wonder about you a lot. I wonder if you will end up like your mother or like me in personality. I hope it like her. She is a beautiful person. I hope you have her smile. The one that lights up a room. Last night, you fell asleep on me. I stayed there. I look so tired because I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid that I would miss a moment with you. When I tried to leave for work this morning, you cried until I held you again. Unfortunately, I had an important meeting and needed to go in today so I brought you with me. I couldn’t bear to be the reason you cried. I had your mother bring up some of your toys and bottles so I could make sure you were going to be taken care of. Assistant Kang has been checking on you every twenty minutes.”

My father smiled. His smile was so charming when he was young. He talked about how pretty my mother’s smile was, but I don’t think he realized just how amazing his was. When he truly smiled, it was breathtaking.

“I was left with the nannies so often growing up that I knew them better than my actual parents. The only person I knew better than them had been my best friend. I miss him. I never want you to feel like you don’t know me. I will take you to work with me every day if it meant that you were able to learn who I am. I never want you to wonder about me. I never want you to feel like you have to be part of this business either to get my attention. If this is what you grow up to truly love, I think that would be the best thing I could imagine. I would love to run C&R with you. If this isn’t what you want, I will support you too. The idea of you loving something else has inspired me to break the deal I started with your mother when I found out she was pregnant. I am going to go home tonight and let her know that she can start dancing again whenever she wants to.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at his paperwork. “I should probably get back to work soon. I haven’t gotten much done when you’ve been awake. I should probably take advantage of the fact that you are sleeping pretty hard thanks to the downpour outside. I just want you to know that my life changed when you came into it. The day you were born was the scariest day of my life, but when I saw you and heard your first cry, I felt a sense of peace. I had you, safe and healthy, and nothing else was ever going to be more important than that. You gave me a new perspective and a new hope. I understand that you might not ever know this feeling unless you have a child of your own, but when you do, I hope you think back to this moment and watching this. That feeling that you have about your own baby…that is how much I love you. Thank you for coming into my life, my precious Sin-Jae. I love you, princess.”

The screen went black.

I smiled over at my dad. We had gotten our sentimental moment out earlier today. I never doubted how my father felt because he told me constantly. He let me into his mind all the time. He rarely held back when he at home. He knew how closed lips and strict he had to be in public, but he loved to come home and be relaxed with us. He never held back on telling any of us that he loved us. He gave us hugs and brought home little gifts like our favorite treats or books. 

I was lucky to see how far my father had come in his life.

The screen came back up again. It was blurry at first. I could hear baby me cooing. After setting up the camera, I could see Uncle Saeran backing up with me in his arms. He was in a patch of dirt that had been freshly dug up. I could only imagine that this was his beautiful garden in its beginning stages. He had me in his arms. I was a bit bigger in this video than the other ones. I was clearly more playful as well.

Uncle Saeran sat back in a chair and gave me a bottle that I was able to hold by myself. He smiled at me. Though looking perpetually exhausted, he looked content.

“When I was in the hospital, Yoosung asked me if I would do a video for you when I felt ready. Everyone else’s were done when you were about a month old. You turned ten months old last week. This is about the only time that I have felt comfortable doing it. When you were born, I was a completely different person. I had only known your mother for a short period time, and her pregnancy was at risk. She looked me in the eye and asked me to take care of you if anything were to happen to her. In that moment, my whole life turned upside down. Before that moment, I had nothing to live for besides revenge on all who had hurt me. Your mother was my first friend in the world. I was going to do whatever I could to make her happy. Even though you hadn’t been born yet, I knew what was going to happen. I knew that I needed to keep you safe. When you were born, well, I was not in a state to take care of you so, luckily for everyone, your mother lived.

“While I was in the hospital, I read a book about that had a character that was drawn to a woman because she would later birth his soulmate. I know that sounds odd, but I felt connected to that process. While I grew to actually be friends and care for your mother and everyone that came with that deal, I felt more connected with you. You were meant to be my friend. I was meant to fix my life for you. I used that over the past ten months to get better. If I got well, I would be able to be with you without all eyes on me. Today is the first day I have been entrusted to watch you without someone else around. I have been waiting for this accomplishment, and I guess, I just wanted to be recorded.”

His face had brightened as he spoke. He look at me and gently caressed my cheek.

“I don’t know anything about children or a proper childhood. I am probably going to spoil you more than I should, but that doesn’t matter. I want you to know that I love you. I hope we can remain best friends, Sin-Jae. You are my first love. You are the first person I have chosen to love. I never thought I would be able to do that. You have taught me how to love and care for someone. Yoosung said these videos were for us to give you advice and life lessons and all this. I don’t know if I can do that for you. You are the one that is teaching me. Every single day, I learn to love life and being alive a little more because I have you. I want to thank you, Sin-Jae, for coming into my life. I know that our path to meeting is a mess, but I am glad that this is our destinies. Without you, I wouldn’t have a family. I would still be lost, broken, and abused. Now, I am free to be here with you every single day. Thank you.”

The camera faded to black.

It pulled back up one last time to see everyone singing me a birthday song with a cupcake in front of me. I laughed and clapped in my high chair. Once the song ended, there was a cheering that slowly faded away. As the screen faded to black, a phrase in white popped up, reading: Happy birthday, Sin-Jae!

I viewed my family in a different light after this. They were people before for they were the authority figures that I knew. They were young and reckless. They were lost and broken. They weren’t just parents and adults. Rarely did children ever get to see or realized this about their parents and older family. I was blessed enough to have this video and view it all.

“Thank you, Uncle Yoosung,” I said, wiping my tears again. “This is literally the best present ever.”

“Oh sure, he badgers everyone for a video over a decade ago, but the rest of us spend a month organizing you a banging party for all your friends and very little chaperones, and he is the best,” Aunt Kyung Mi snarked with a playful smirk.

“A what?”

Uncle Saeyoung grinned, “I found all your friends’ and classmates’ addresses, Jaehee organized a massive party, Uncle Zen and Aunt Kyung Mi found a killer DJ and booked your favorite actors for some meet and greet time, and your parents paid for everything.”

“What about you, Uncle Saeran?” I asked.

He smiled at me, “I made sure my idiot brother didn’t find out who you like and come up with an elaborate plan to make them dance with you that was sure to fail.”

I laughed and hugged him, “Thanks for being amazing. Thank you to everyone! I can’t wait to celebrate with my friends! This is the best birthday anyone could ask for! Thank you!”

Aunt Kyung Mi struggled to stand with her pregnant belly, “Come on, honey. Let’s go to your room. Jaehee, Sis, wanna help me do her hair and makeup? I can’t stand that long without needed a sandwich.”

I left with my mom and my aunts to get ready for my party. In a way, I wish they hadn’t chosen to do the party on this same day. I wanted to spend time with my family. I wanted to enjoy everyone’s company. I guess, I had the rest of my life to do that. I only had one sixteenth birthday.

“By the way, honey, I have one more surprise for you,” my mother said. “You are officially invited to attend your first RFA party as a party coordinator. Congratulations, Sin-Jae. You are officially the newest member of RFA.”


End file.
